Matt Lauer Is Staying On Today, Ann Curry’s Days Are Numbered

April 6, 2012 / Posted by:

“Guuuuuuurrl, what’s that smell?” is a line that came out of the mouth of Ryan Seacrest’s assistant this morning and his assistant quickly learned that smell was the lump of sad he made in his underoos after finding out that he’s not going to replace Matt Lauer on Today after all. Matt Lauer will glib another day, and then some, because he has signed a new long-term deal to stay on as the co-host of Today for years to come. Matt’s current contract expires later this year.

There’s a reason why in the picture above Matt looks as awkwardly uncomfortable as GOOPY Paltrow when someone wearing clothes from Sears tries to hug her. Gawker reported almost two weeks ago that Matt wants Today to be a Curry-free zone and would only sign a new contract if the producers dropped her ass. Good Morning America has beat Today in the ratings for the first time in the history of forever and Matt is blaming the stale chemistry between him and Ann Curry for that. So since Matt has signed on, I’m guessing that Ann Curry will soon be sayinggood morning, good morning, good morning, good morning” to the clerk at the unemployment office.

I liked Ann Curry before she took over for Meredith, but ever since then it’s been painful to watch her. The worst is when Ann interviews a family that has just suffered a tragedy and she has to show with her face that she cares. I haven’t seen that kind of blatant overacting since I watched a porn star wearing a dildo hat pretend like she was getting pleasure from another porn star humping it. I swear, a bowl of old curry has better interviewing skills than Ann Curry does.

Today should fire Ann, demote Matt to wine pourer and give Hoda & Kathie Lee all four hours. The ratings would plummet, but Joel McHale’s heart would soar.

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