Mary J. Blige Is Sorry For This

One thing that’s not in the chicken wraps is Mary J. Blige’s amusement. After some people lost their minds over Mary J. Blige rising up out of the damn floor into a Burger King booth to yodel about crispy chick-en, Burger King snatched the commercial down and blamed it all on licensing issues. Burger King said they were reworking the commercial and would release a new one soon. Wrap a crispy UH HUH in a tortilla and feed it to Burger King, because you know they’re lying. Then yesterday, Mary J. Blige rose up out of the floor again to tell TMZ that she understands why her fans threw hateration and holleration at her and she wants them to know that she doesn’t co-sign that three cheese fuckery:

“I agreed to be a part of a fun and creative campaign that was supposed to feature a dream sequence. Unfortunately, that’s not what was happening in that clip.

I understand my fans being upset by what they saw. But, if you’re a Mary fan, you have to know I would never allow an unfinished spot like the one you saw go out.”

Even if that commercial was a dream sequence, it would still be a nightmare. But you know, this wasn’t some minstrel show shit to me and I didn’t get the urge to shake Burger King the same way Nell Carter shook Joey Lawrence when he did blackface in front of her church. Who doesn’t want to sing about crispy chicken?! The thing that offended me most is Mary’s bangs looking like it was scalped off of Benji. Call PETA, not the NAACP!

But I will accept Mary’s apology, because I did curse her name yesterday when I found myself rising up from behind the kitchen counter to sing, “Cris-py chick-en! Fresh lettuce! Three chee-ses! Ranch dress-ing!”