Dear Adam Levine, This Could Be All Yours
The empty space next to Adam Levine isn't even cold yet (although, it never is) and Jennifer Loves Anymanwithapulse is already trying to hop on that shit. I guess you have to strike while the iron is still in rebound mode. JLove is on Ellen (via People) today to promote The Client List and she let the world know that she'd love Adam Levine to warm her cold lonely heart by pulling out and knocking off her vajazzle stones with his jizz stream. The Jennifer Aniston of basic cable made a play for Blake Shelton's girl when she said this:
"I always have my eyes out. I just read two days ago that Adam Levine is single again ... I'm just saying. Look, we would be cute."
I love how she casually says "just read." JLove, stop acting like we don't know you have "celebrity splits" in your Google Alerts and every time one comes up, you immediately stop reading Live Alone and Hate It to catch yourself a husband. Look in the mirror, JLove (skip to 0:34):
By the way, in that clip I'm Hazel, obviously, and every Dlisted commenter is the skinny grey hen with a sitcom waitress accent.
I swear, Adam Levine is a tattooed bag of douche water, but JLove needs to stop. I'm sure pretty sure Adam Levine only gets with Victoria's Secret models and Old Square Britches Hewitt isn't allowed in a Victoria's Secret, because she always breaks down in the dressing room about how even the stuffed animals on her bed don't care when she dresses up in sexy lingerie for them. Oh, JLove, never change. Sparkle on, you crazy, desperate vajazzle diamond, you.
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Adam couldn't handle all of that.
(973) Jersey Strong
AS IF any decent girl would really be interested in that toothpick, weird head douche Levine. The model who just broke up with him was WAY out of his scrawny league.
It's funny how guys usually try to go for the beautiful, thin girls when guys like Adam are mediocre at best. Guys like him, look at you with this kind of longing in their eyes that's a little pathetic. You kind of feel sorry for them, and may give them your number just to get your kicks.
Guys like him aren't a "catch", for girls who don't want to date a walking STD petri dish.
KIND TOUCHING. Oh the humanity.
Like Levine would touch her with a barge pole. She's only a few steps away from Chicken Cutlets-dom.
That cannot be JLH! She looks like one of the Real Housewives of NY. Guess all that gaining and losing weight has left her with some turkey skin and wattles.
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GERONIMO!
If men even detect the slightest hint of desperation, they will run a mile. This is the lady who publicly announced she's already picked out engagement rings. Sweetheart, you've done yourself no favours.
Yeah, she could bag a guy on her looks but as soon as he realises she's going to try and tie him down after a couple of months, he's outta there.
Add this chick to list w Aguilera and Katie Holmes of "legs that look better in pants".
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Everybody here
Get it outta control
Get yo backs off the wall
'Cuz Misdemeanor said so
Someone in the Biz I don't like showed a class JLH's audition for
"Brokedown Palace"....and criticized it....He liked Beckinsale's winning
audition better...which he showed us. I thought it was a Breach of
Ethics but what do I know.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Oh, JLove looks terrible! It sucks when horrifyingly unflattering photos of yourself are scrutinized online. :(
If J-Love date Adam Levine, she would always be worrying about her weight. Dude is so thin. I think Jennifer's body looks okay when packed into one of these spanx-dresses but in reality she probably outweighs Levine by 15-20 lbs. They seem a mismatch in every way including poundage.
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What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
Her comment just helps prove the rumor that she's CRAZY.
Submitted by GrecoSuave on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 5:11pm.
Separated at birth: Jennifer Aniston and an Afghan Hound.
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Separated at birth: Jennifer Aniston and a pile of putrid, green, self-absorbed diarrhea with a publicist
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
something about her just says cougar porn to me.
What do JLH and Samantha Brick have in common?
They're both Russian supermodels.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Please: It's "rahnday."
I used to really like Love when she was a kid and then she grew up into this man hungry woman. It's SO unappealing. If I had a friend like that, the conversations would be horrible to listen to. :(
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Separated at birth: Jennifer Aniston and an Afghan Hound.
There is nothing desperate about Jen Aniston. What the hell? Girl was married to Brad Fucking Pitt! She is never wanting for men. Ya'lls crazeeee.
Eww, Adam Levine is desperate for attention and well, not attractive unless you're a badger.
I guess that makes her desperate for wanting to get with him. Other than that, I cannot really find anything wrong with her. Who cares if she is a serial dater. It isn't 1957.
Submitted by Cara on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 3:59pm.
She's like a poor man's Jennifer Aniston.
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I'm not so sure Aniston isn't the poor man's JLove.
Either way, they're clearly sisters in desperation!
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
Jesus Christ this broad throws herself at nearly every man she sees. Supposedly she had dinner with that douche bachelor Ben and even he said ney. She should try the old fashion way but letting the man ask her out or just pay someone.
She's like a poor man's Jennifer Aniston.
i want to like her really i do but she seems so desperate and needy. i know all y'all said that already but she does.
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"Fatsa or thinsa you still a bitchsa. :p. *poses with arms up for all future picsas* lol" - guest
Foghorn Leghorn is the best cartoon ever.
Haha! Those hens are so us!
She used to be soo pretty. The kind of looks that I would have thought have aged well. I guessed wrong.
she's a mess. Girl needs to take a break from manhunting and spend a year alone, finding herself. she might be surprised to find that it is possible to be your own best friend. THEN, you'll have something to offer a mate.
I really hate clingy people. They make me anxious, and I avoid them whenever possible. Unfortunately, they always seem to be the ones that single me out as their new BFF. I must give off some batsignal or something. :(
She reminds me of those suffocating girlfriends that want to wear matching jackets and constantly talks baby talk and phones the guy every five minutes to say, "Oooohhh, I WUVS YOuuuuu"
She needs to chill out, invest in a good vibrator and get some self-esteem.
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"I want to go back to being weird. I like being weird. Weird is all I've got. That and my sweet style."
— Maurice Moss
jlovehugeboobs has got it wrong with the vejaggling her chocha.
as a gay dude, i can summise that straight guys dont give a shit if you're vagina has sparkles, rhinestones, sequins and fairy dust.
i highly doubt straight guys would read wat she says and go... "oh yah ima hit that tonight cuz she has sequins, ruby and sapphire stones on her vajajay and a dust of glitter!!!! JACKPOT!!"
girl just keep it clean and stank free and dont be so desperate and needy. no guy wants to walk to your house after the first date and find a shrine.
She's like my friends that are pudgy, desperate and kind of dumb. They like to watch The Bachelor and go to shirtless firemen calender contests, etc... No substance there. One of them recently asked me who Mitt Romney was. "Who is this Robney guy? Is he running for governor?" They're nice enough but you can't really hold a conversation with them. And they need a man to feel complete because there's no real sense of self there. If they're not dating someone they just float around, lost. (Yes, it's hard to find quality people in my blue collar town.)
I could darn my socks with her chin.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 12:46pm.
I don't get the hatred directed at her. I really, really hate the slut shaming directed at her.
I got married at 20, and that's fine. She strikes me as being desperate, but I can't hate on her for (allegedly) having a lot of sex, considering the morals of, well, pretty much every famous man. Ever.
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Oh I don't hate her at all. I think she's a pretty girl. I'm saying maybe she isn't as desperate for a man as we all think. Maybe she is chasing sex, not a husband.
Her problem is she is trying for men much too young. Find an older man (with money lol) who will appreciate you for the youth and looks you still have and be proud of you instead of a young douchebag who, if he even gives you the time of day, will leave you for a 21 year old in a few years. Men suck.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
She looks good and if she puts out the word, I don't doubt he'd hit it on the dl but they seem like opposites, very hard to imagine... Now, if she wants a full-time piece, she should hit up Xtina and ask her what's her secret! haha
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"Ayúdame, no puedo!" - MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
she has horrible taste in men, she seems way too high maintenance for any guy.
Adam Levine reminds me of that annoying guy in high school that thought he was hot shit and was two faced and talked shit about everyone.
Yes! The premiere of her new show coincides with my PMS. Thank you mother nature and Lifetime.
I don't get the hate., seriously, if she wants to spend her free time a trolling for a hubby, what's it to me?
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I have never loved life so much.
Bitch has engagement rings picked out at the local jeweler. Believe me, she wants to get married. You can't ask yourself lol.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
The only good thing about a chick this desperate is that you can get away with all kinds of shit and she will eat it out of her unholy fear of being alone.
Adam is kinda hot, but his whiny voice is totally killing it for me.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 12:45pm.
I don't under stand why Aniston is getting brought up in this thread.
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'cause it's a thread about desperation, skankiness, lack of talent, middle-aged fug and being repulsive
any other questions?
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
Her forehead looks like a cliff.
Girl has found a look she's sticking with. Rock those badge dresses, honey! (But ditch the the granny hose and fix the wonky boobs.)
I know she doesn't get much love here on the D and I'm sure she is a certifiable whack job stalker but I think she's quite pretty and in the last I think she actually looks hot.
I'd labia lance her for sure!
Her eye lashes look like spiders
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 12:23pm.
Girl is not the sweet innocent she wants you to believe. It's been said that she's always on the prowl for the next notch in her bedpost.
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I don't have a problem w/ this at all. Loads of men in Hollywood (or elsewhere) likely have lists 3x as long. Not into double standards. BUT yes, as others have said, she wreaks of desperation. She has to know this...or does she just not care? My biggest problem w/ her is these damn banded dresses that are working overtime!
Off topic:
As for that Kanye/Kim photo...looks like her but is he really THAT jacked? If he is, he hides it well.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 12:58pm.
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Sure, in case you tell the truth tho, you should read those comments when you have a bad day or need some cheering up.
Also I wanna officially declare my interest....I assume thats how you people do it over here.
She looks like a Dollar Tree JLo.
oh dude she's had work done. she has begun her downhill slide into crazy catface lady with too many cats territory. :(
WTF - does this horsey bitch still think she's some young, hot filly? I mean, when you're publicly pining for a modelizing, pussy-hound pop star like Adam Levine, I'd say you've just pushed your desperate meter way into the red zone.
Jennifer honey, put your therapist on speed dial and take a Librium, 'cos it ain't never gonna happen...
Submitted by Allessandra on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 12:52pm.
I don't read back... I have the attention span of a gnat on crack...
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"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012
Evil_Cupcake -- I had a young boss whose wife called a fucking 100 times a day. If he was away from his desk, I swear to god that bitch called every 3 minutes until he got back. Needless to say, every time I saw his personal line ringing, I didn't pick up because I knew that dumb whore was calling. They've since divorced. How do people put up with that shit?