Anne V’s belly button is breathing a sigh of relief, because it will no longer get hit with a load of Adam Levine’s douche chowder when he practices his fool-proof birth control method by pulling out. Anne V tells E! News that Adam Levine has pulled out of her for a final time and they’re done FOREVER! I know, the cherubs are pulling out arrows to shoot themselves in the heart, because a rock star breaking up with a model tells us that the sanctity of marriage is a falsity! This is the statement Anne V shot into E! News the same way Adam’s peen shoots into a hotel towel:
“Adam and I have decided to separate in an amicable and supportive manner. We still love and respect each other as friends. I wish him all the best.”
Anne V went on to say, “But I won’t miss holding in a queef FOR MY LIFE every time his stupid ass pulls out really fast.”
Even though Anne V is the epitome of grace and demureness (Exhibit: EVERYTHING), she can not compete with the true holder of Adam Levine’s heart:
Oh yes, that’s Blake Shelton saying “He doesn’t pull out with me, hunty!” with his eyes and pucker. So try not to fall over in shock when Blake eventually announces he’s quitting his wife Miranda Lambert. Although, Blake should divorce Miranda for the sole fact that she has huge chunky lowlights in her hair and the year is not 2001.
Here’s Blake dreaming of Adam while giving his trophy a dry handy at the Country Music Awards last night.