If Elmo’s sucio ass didn’t pay for that bus time handy from OctoMom then he better FedEx her a cashiers check ASAP, because ho needs money now more than ever. I don’t know how they did it, but TMZ somehow got a hold of (cut to OctoGranny with an oh-so-guilty “It wuzzint me!” look on her face) a picture of an EBT card with OctoMom’s government name on it.
TMZ points out that Octo swore on her fame-making uterus in the past that she’d never open her hands to government assistance, but with 14 hungry eating holes to fill and her offers drying up faster than her relevancy, she had to raise the Help A Bitch Out flag. Octo makes less than $119,000 a year and has 15 mouths to feed, so she qualifies for a $2000 monthly food only allowance from the State of California. TMZ source’s say that Octo is also trying to cut her monthly expenses by pulling all but one child (who is autistic) from private school.
A bitch can argue that Octo did this to herself, but those 10 thousand million chirruns didn’t do this to themselves and they gotta eat. Damn. If crazy was a protein, they could nibble on the crazy their mom gives off, but it ain’t. I’m assuming Octo has some kind of other income falling into her wallet, because I don’t know how $2,000 can feed a family of 15 for a whole month. That’s like one shopping trip to Whole Foods. Those kids are gonna have to go on the college diet (Top Ramen, popcorn and Boone’s Farm).
Octo needs to enroll in reality show boot camp. Bitch needs to spend time with the Extreme Couponers to learn how to buy $1,000 worth of groceries for six pennies. Then she needs to spend time with the Duggars to learn how to make laundry soap out of baby saliva. And finally, she needs to spend a lot time with Ma from Ma’s Roadhouse, but only because I want to see Ma smack Octo with some nicotine-stained truth.
And I officially HATE myself for playing this song in my head as soon as I read about Octo’s welfare woes:
Sometimes I just want to log out of my own brain. (I’m setting myself up for that one, I know.)