Jim Carrey Might Try The Whole Marriage Thing Again

March 29, 2012 / Posted by:

After humping on Jenny McCarthy for all those years and making my eyeballs barf by professing his love to Emma Stone in a video love letter, Jim Carrey has finally found true love with a 30-year-old Russian student and he’s getting ready to make her his third wife. Star says that Jim started licking on Anastasia Vitkina’s glorious globe head last year and shit is getting so serious that he’s planning to put an engagement ring on her finger. Gold diggers of the world, prepare your shovels for the victory salute! A source close to Jim puts it like this:

“Jim is going to propose! He’s absolutely crazy about Anastasia and couldn’t be happier. Anastasia is really smart, but what he likes best about her is her sense of humor. She makes him laugh — Jenny would drive him to tears.”

Jim confessed to Anastasia, ‘It’s not always easy being with me, in more ways than one. But he added, ‘I promise to make it worth your while.’”

I always knew deep down that Jim would find love with a Russian woman who looks like what would happen if Amanda Seyfried artificially inseminated herself with Brian Peppers’ jizz. Anastasia is perfect for Jim. Whenever he starts to really act the crazy (example: by pulling a prenup for her to sign), Anastasia can use her Plymouth Rock forehead to head butt him back into real life.

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