Wednesday, March 28th 2012

When Twihards Go Too Far

I've heard some people say that every marriage should have to be approved by a mental health professional before it's made legal. I don't agree with that mess, because if I should ever catch Anderson Cooper in a drunken, confused state and I get him to marry me, the last thing I need is some government therapist bitch knocking some reason into his head. But this story is making me change my mind.....

Abigail of the UK might be the ultimate Twihard and mental hospitals should consider naming their Twihard wings after her. Abigail is so dedicated to the sparkle that she wanted her wedding to look like Twilight jizzed all over it. Abigail wore a copy of Bella's wedding dress to her reception, made her husband Andy wear a tuxedo like Edward's, used the Twilight soundtrack for her ceremony music and used the Twilight movies as inspiration for her flowers, cake and decorations. Yes, if Abigail was my cousin, I'd get her a wedding gift of his and hers straitjackets, but her wedding reception isn't the craziest shit she did.

Examiner says that Abigail somehow convinced her new husband to legally change his last name to Cullen. Andy agreed and so now they're known as Mr. & Mrs. Cullen. Abigail Cullen says that her husband has been a good sport about her addiction to Twilight.

The truth is, the Twilight-themed wedding isn't that insane, now that I remember that I've seen pictures from an Avatar-themed wedding, but the name change shit is some serious commitment to crazy. She must have a pussy made out of glitter that makes him break the headboard or she must have something on him. This is the deal breaker of all deal breakers. Somebody get these two a romantic honeymoon to Bellevue! Better yet, get them a romantic boat ride for two, so he can fake his death Sleeping with the Enemy-style. Well, if you're ever hating life you can take comfort in knowing that somewhere in the UK, Andy Cullen is hating life more.

Posted by: Michael K


Whamo's picture

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1

my last name is distantly linked to the Dutch Royal Family (prince Willem-Alexander always uses it when he goes under the radar), and there is no chance in hell I would ever give that up.
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I did not realize we had ROYALTY in the room!!!

*presents low sweeping bow to her High Ness Mickey Holland 1st Queen of Dlist*

BOW DOWN BITCHES!!! :)

ba-buttons's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:30pm.

Queenie
I never took my husband;s last name. I was in my early 30s and thought it really dumb to change my name. Most Irish women don't change their last names when they get married.

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My Irish mom, her horde of sisters and their battalion of daughters all took their husbands last name. In fact, I've never met a married Irish woman who hasn't?

Is it a regional thing? Oh wait...yer a gypsy aren't ya!!! Please tell me you had one of those awesome wedding dresses!! You know, with the Xmas lights built in and shit? Classy.

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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.

Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth

M.E.'s picture

Submitted by BoredSlore on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 2:07pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:57pm.

Datura, the Twitard series are for young girls who dream of having the hot popular guy fall crazy mad for them and sad frustrated women who's romatic dreams did not pan out. ........
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Ok I WILL admit... I wanted Jake Ryan when I was a gurl... but not so much I got married and kissed my hubby while sitting on a table over a cake with birfdai candles on it.......

***Humming**** If you were here, I could deceive youuuuuuuuuuu
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JAKE RYAN IS MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!

Britneys cheap ass wig's picture

I have a feeling that when she turns around I'm going to see a fucked up hair cut, transition glasses and a black leather jacket....that crazy stalker Sarah?!? Can't remember her name. The girl with the Flickr account full of celebrities.

jack-n-the-hat's picture

Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 2:01pm.
Hope she doesn't make her husband do some dark sided vampire shit when she's on her period.
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I thought it.... you typed it. *hurl*

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"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012

Whamo's picture

Submitted by Dog on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:44pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:36pm.

So much for your elopement with Irish Fury!

*snicker*
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LOL... play nice now doggie!:):)

To be fair if my wife wanted to keep her name I would be disappointed but it's not a deal breaker BUT call me old fashion I would never change MY last name and I too would want my kids to have my last name!

I would not change my last name to my wife's unless her last name was Paltrow:P hahahaah!!

BoredSlore's picture

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:57pm.

Datura, the Twitard series are for young girls who dream of having the hot popular guy fall crazy mad for them and sad frustrated women who's romatic dreams did not pan out. ........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok I WILL admit... I wanted Jake Ryan when I was a gurl... but not so much I got married and kissed my hubby while sitting on a table over a cake with birfdai candles on it.......

***Humming**** If you were here, I could deceive youuuuuuuuuuu
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Being sexy and pretty is hardly the only kind of power. It may be the most visible option presented, but it's a copout and temporary. ~Hekki the Wuzzle

IrishFury's picture

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 2:00pm.

*curtseys to Mikey Holland*

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LOL!

Mickey, can we have a royal wave?
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Dark-sided!

Gardening Girl's picture

Im sure her mother is just glad to get her out of her basement!

Winnyfranfran's picture

How about fairies and garden sprites? I can write a book about that.

Waaaw.

This is really something. The dress, okay a bit much, the changing of the name -- code red crazy.

Migraine Sally's picture

Downton Abbey! I give it a thumbs up. Waiting for Netflix to send me season 2.

MickeyHolland's picture

You've got the right idea, GG!

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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden

Britneys cheap ass wig's picture

Hope she doesn't make her husband do some dark sided vampire shit when she's on her period.

Migraine Sally's picture

Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:54pm.
By the looks of that cake only her cats and stuffed animals showed up.
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BCAW!!!!

You owe me a new keyboard honey. I just splashed water out of my mouth!

Gardening Girl's picture

*curtseys to Mikey Holland*

MickeyHolland's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:30pm.

"I never took my husband's last name. I was in my early 30s and thought it really dumb to change my name."

My sentiments exactly, IF. Besides, my last name is distantly linked to the Dutch Royal Family (prince Willem-Alexander always uses it when he goes under the radar), and there is no chance in hell I would ever give that up.

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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden

Sweetas's picture

Hahaha urmomma!!

urmomma's picture

Submitted by mike on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:50pm.
I've never met a male Twilight fan. Seriously.
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*chunks husband under the bus*...I have caught Mr. watching them...alone. I heart him.

ETA: did I just put that out there?! Crap.

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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)

The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK

Gardening Girl's picture

Datura, the Twitard series are for young girls who dream of having the hot popular guy fall crazy mad for them and sad frustrated women who's romatic dreams did not pan out. How do I know this? WHen I go to the supermarket there is ALWAYS some chunky 30+ woman piling on the cookies and ice cream into her cart and she has on a Edward or Jacob t shirt on.

mike's picture

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:51pm.
WHITE FOLK BE CRAZY Y'ALL
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true facts!!

IrishFury's picture

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:51pm.

WHITE FOLK BE CRAZY Y'ALL

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REPORTED FOR HAVING ONE EYE.

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Dark-sided!

Britneys cheap ass wig's picture

By the looks of that cake only her cats and stuffed animals showed up.

guest's picture

LOL urmomma!

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

ditquoi's picture

Examiner says that Abigail somehow convinced her new husband to legally change his last name to Cullen. Andy agreed and so now they're known as Mr. & Mrs. Cullen. Abigail Cullen says that her husband has been a good sport about her addiction to Twilight.

I guess he has a crush on RPatz too.

jack-n-the-hat's picture

Submitted by urmomma on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:51pm.
*shouts at co-wokers* WHO'S THE LOSER NOW!?
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lmmfao!!!
_____________________________________________
"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012

Datura's picture

I've seen one or two of those Twilight films, and they're the most boring, cheesy, stilted things in the world. For all of the money they brought in, their special effects looked 15 years dated. How could someone not just love those films, but worship them?

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“he looks like some sort of sea serpent like an octopus, catfish or something from pirates of the caribbean and his stomach is gross it looks like hes prego with a giant wiener” – kittymuffin

M.E.'s picture

I have watched the Twilight movies. I am entertained by them, but I cannot for the life of me fathom the crazy over it. I mean seriously....it is FICTION.

jack-n-the-hat's picture

WHITE FOLK BE CRAZY Y'ALL
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"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012

urmomma's picture

All right, now I do not feel so stupid for wearing my veil made out of Charmin to work today and insisting everybody call me Mrs. Cullen.*shouts at co-wokers* WHO'S THE LOSER NOW!? ahahahahahahahaha!

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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)

The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK

Dr. Dick's picture

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:43pm.
Dr. Dick -- actually I haven't watched "Downton Abbey." I only know of it because the bf raves about it. I plan to hook up with Netflix again one of these days and catch up from the beginning. I was going to start with Season 2 but felt I'd be missing out on a lot.
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Definitely start at the beginning. Be patient with first 2 episodes. Episode 3 (with Lady Mary and the hot, young Turk) is the point where everyone gets on board:)

mike's picture

I've never met a male Twilight fan. Seriously.

Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:30pm.

Queenie
I never took my husband;s last name. I was in my early 30s and thought it really dumb to change my name. Most Irish women don't change their last names when they get married.

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Italian women also keep their maiden name when they marry. I have a friend that kept her maiden name and gave it to her daughter too. There was no other children in the family to carry on the name on so her and her husband agreed that it was the right thing to do.

Dog's picture

Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:36pm.

So much for your elopement with Irish Fury!

*snicker*

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Twat Muffin's picture

Dr. Dick -- actually I haven't watched "Downton Abbey." I only know of it because the bf raves about it. I plan to hook up with Netflix again one of these days and catch up from the beginning. I was going to start with Season 2 but felt I'd be missing out on a lot.

Speaking of changing names based on a movie. I worked with a woman who changed her name from Carol to Sally because her boyfriend said she reminded him of the Sally character in "When Harry Met Sally." Isn't that the stupidest fucking reason to change your name? For the record, he dumped her ass a while later and she's stuck with the name.

citizenstrange's picture

I don't agree with that mess, because if I should ever catch Anderson Cooper in a drunken, confused state and I get him to marry me, the last thing I need is some government therapist bitch knocking some reason into his head.
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You and Anderson Cooper getting married should of course be grandfathered into any future marital mental health law.

It's not just a good idea, it's the law BITCH!

Bella's wedding dress must have been really ugly. That's all I got.

I can't imagine being that enmeshed with a book/movie/TV show. I also can't imagine people actually showing up if I had a Twilight-fest like that. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen? Just stop. Really.

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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Migraine Sally's picture

Whamo!

Could not have said it better myself.

Whamo's picture

Whatever small shriveled balls this silly bastard had he's definitely left them on the wedding planners table. Not only that how serious are they about something that is as important as a marriage.

It's not about them and their commitment to each other it's now all about Twilard and her marrying this assclown and Edward Cullen by proxy.

If my fiance asked me to do this AND CHANGE MY NAME to top it all off I would turn my back and that would be the last thing she saw of me.

Bigbendy's picture

I will gladly change my name when I marry Mr. David Gandy. LMAO.. ...some people are just nutty?....I wonder if they are born that way or just bored with life.

Dog's picture

Never read or watched anything to do with the Twilight series and don't care if I never do. Seems like a whole lotta hype for very little return to moi. <----- Note my use of the french there. Thank you.

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Slurpee's picture

Sterilize both of them immediately.

Alix's picture

Submitted by Mayo on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:14pm.

She looks like shit with that dress, so lame.

* * *

Too true. And I'm disappointed the wedding cake wasn't decorated with fangs or blood.

In the immortal words of MK, "End well: this isn't going to."
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.

IrishFury's picture

Submitted by TOPANGA on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:28pm.

Two words for this mess: "white people"
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REPORTED FOR BLATENT RACISM AND THE RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF HOMOSEXUALITY.

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Dark-sided!

IrishFury's picture

Queenie
I never took my husband;s last name. I was in my early 30s and thought it really dumb to change my name. Most Irish women don't change their last names when they get married. Not because the origin of it was that you were his property now, not her father's but because it's just unnecessary and women like their own last name. Mine is nicer than my husbands, I think! Why change what I like?

The mini's have his last name though, no hyphenation.

I know two men who took their wives last names - they hypenated hers to his.

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Dark-sided!

SANS FARDS's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:10pm.

I have never read/seen any of this Twilight shit so I don't get the europhia and madness that seems to genuinely happen to women because of it but it seems like the women who are affected have some genuine kind of mental disturbance.

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I've no idea. I don't get the Twilight phenomenon. There was no sexual chemistry whatsoever between the characters--yeah yeah, I get that Meyer was trying to write in the thrill of "anticipation" rather than just doing the deed, but it just wasn't there, in the books and DEFINITELY not in the movies. Bella is supremely bratty and unlikable, and is not at all an example of a strong female role, which is why it pisses me off when I see people comparing her to Katniss in Hunger Games. Edward/RPattz was obnoxious, too. The only character that didn't get under my skin was Bella's dad, actually. He was chill.

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"One does not simply walk into Mordor..."

IrishFury's picture

@ sonne - is that your real name? I love it. My husband;s cousin named her baby that. ________________________________
Dark-sided!

Damn you people for making me look up that Nutty Madam freak.
Yes this is insane but I still think that middle aged ho in England who had her entire back tattood with Bella, Edward and wolf guy is still the saddest sack in the world.

Dr. Dick's picture

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 1:02pm.
Bitch is too thick for that dress. I wouldn't know that's a Twilight dress -- looks more like something from "Downton Abbey," if you ask me.
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A friend gave me the Downton Abbey DVD and bugged me to watch it even though I told her I wasn't interested. I finally started watching it and I'm now TOTALLY hooked. What an engaging series or am I just desperate for quality programming?

Dog's picture

*makes capital "L" with thumb and index finger and holds it up to forehead*

LLLLLLOOOOOSERRRRR!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org