FOX and Ryan Murphy both felt the lukewarm, whiskey-scented, Parliament-infused wrath of White Oprah after GOOP’s character called her precious child “crazy” on an episode of Glee. White Oprah stumbled up to the front gate of FOX and nearly dropped the bottle of the Thunderbird in her hand as she vowed to destroy those hateful bitches for telling the truth about her meal ticket! Then White Oprah passed out on the steps and by the time one of FOX’s gardeners woke her up by leaf blowing her in the face, she forgot all about it! Or at least I thought she forgot all about it, because there was no lawsuit. But look at what we have here.
TVLine says that Lindsay Lohan is “in talks” to play Lindsay Lohan in one of the last episodes of the season. I’m going to guess that the only reason this is happening is because this is part of LiLo’s settlement deal with FOX, as well as White Oprah getting 7 minutes in heaven (for her, 7 minutes in the 9th circle for him) with Matthew Morrison’s nipple.
A source tells TVLine that LiLo will be a “celebrity” judge at Nationals. This shit hasn’t been confirmed, but FOX did confirm that Whoopi Goldberg is playing a drama school professor in several episodes.
The good news is that LiLo is playing a judge, which means she’ll sit at a table, which means she can read her lines off of a prop note card sitting on the table, which means she won’t have to strain her crack smoke-damaged retinas by reading a teleprompter. NO, I’m sure LiLo has really grown as an actress since her cue card-reading SNL days. LiLo will totally write her lines in dot lettering with an orange Sharpie on the palm of her hand so it looks like freckles. That’s how serious actresses do it!