Everybody Went To See The Hunger Games This Weekend

March 25, 2012 / Posted by:

Yes, I was one of the 10 trillion assholes who waited 90 minutes to see The Hunger Games (not to be confused with New York Fashion Week). Yes, I was also that asshole who threw a not-so-secret side-eye and an under the breath “stupid cunt” at the people in front of me whose group of friends magically showed up to join them in front of the line ten seconds before they let us in. (Note: That “stupid cunt” was really meant for me, because I’m mad that I didn’t have friends who waited 90 minutes in line for me.) You were probably one of those assholes in line with me, because EVERYBODY went to see that Hongray shit this weekend.

Deadline says that THG beat the sparkle out of the Twatlight Saga by earning $214.25 million internationally ($155 million domestically), making it the third biggest opening of all time behind Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 and The Dark Knight. The last Twatlight movie opened with $138 million. That calmness you just felt was the universe sighing over the fact that every Twihard has stopped creaming…for now. Here’s this weekend’s top 10:

1. The Hunger Games - $155 million
2. 21 Jump Street - $21.3 million
3. Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax 3D – $13.1 million
4. John Carter 3D - $5 million
5. Act Of Valor – $2 million
6. Project X – $1.9 million
7. A Thousand Words – $1.9 million
8. October Baby – $1.7 million
9. Safe House – $1.3 million
9. Journey 2 – $1.3 million

HA @ John Carter.

For the most part, I liked The Hongray Games, but mostly because the dude across the aisle from me provided me with priceless moments like shouting “DAMN BITCH” when Katmess schooled her mother. The movie I imagined in my head while reading the book was a lot better, but that’s because I pictured RuPaul as Ru, Gayle King as Gale (the movie Gale sucked) and The Silver Fox as Foxface. But you know, the people who saw John Carter probably had a better time than I did. Because the only reason to buy a ticket to John Carter is if you and your fuck piece need a private, empty and dark place to get down. Any theater showing John Carter can provide that, because nobody went to see that shit.

And here’s a few ultra exciting pictures of Jennifer Lawrence buying coffee or tea or whatever at Whole Foods in Santa Monica.

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