January Jones Is Eating Her Placenta

March 24, 2012 / Posted by:

After January Jones’ baby Xavier Dane came out of her coochie in a block of ice and she chiseled him out, her frozen placenta slid out on a plate of dry ice. Just like all bitches (and some human moms) do, January decided to eat her placenta. But instead of turning it into a placenta bear to terrorize her baby forever or blending it with some rum (a placentarita!), January dried it with her ice cold bitch glare and turned it into vitamins. January tells People that her doula said placenta pills are like nature’s Prozac!

“I have a great doula who makes sure I’m eating well, with vitamins and teas, and with placenta capsulation.

Your placenta gets dehydrated and made into vitamins. It’s something I was very hesitant about, but we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas. It’s not witch-crafty or anything! I suggest it to all moms!”

I usually stuff myself with meat instead of the other way around, but if I popped out a placenta, would I stir fry it with some Hamburger Helper and serve it at a BBQ or some shit? Probably not. Would I pull a January and swallow that in a pill? Probably. Why not? I mean, January does have a point about the animal thing. I try to do whatever my dog does. My dog licks ass, I lick ass. My dog eats barf, I eat McDonald’s….

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