Jessica Simpson's Knocked Up Nekkid Body Is NSFAS (Not Safe For Arizona Safeways)
One of Jezebel's readers sent them this picture from a Safeway in Tucson of a janky "THINK OF THE CHILDREN" shield covering Jessica Simpson's Photoshopped from head-to-belly naked body on the cover of Elle. That cardboard sign has been there for a full week, which tells you that people who shop at the Safeway in Tucson, Arizona are really good at following rules, because if that shit was at my neighborhood grocery story someone would've tagged over it with "Please Do Fap To This" by now. When Heidi Montag (yes, she still exists) barfs out her second album, she should release it exclusively to the Safeway in Tuscon and put a "PLEASE BUY THIS" cardboard sign over all ten copies. It will sell out!
No word on why Safeway chose to censor Jessica's nekkid ass body, but here are four theories:
1. Because she's naked.
2. Because she's naked AND knocked up.
3. Because due to Elle Photoshopping Jessica to infinity and beyond, they don't want their shoppers to get a distorted body image complex.
4. Because Papa Joe is in town and the last time he saw that cover in public....he...well...you know...
Whatever the reason is, it's a dumb fucking reason. That cardboard sign shouldn't go over Jessica's body. It should go over her mouth, so the bitch can stop talking about how her coochie is going to shoot out an amniotic fluid tidal wave during labor.
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They do this in Floriduh too. I asked the cashier at Publix what covers warrant a censorship cover (they have fancy, corporate-approved, cut acrylic frosted panels) and she said cleavage and words like, "ORGASM" "SEX", etc. I like living in NYC better, free porn for all the kiddies to see on every corner newsstand.
Safeway can sell "pink slime", but a magazine cover is offensive?
Submitted by Aunt Bea on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 5:11pm.
...I always find it amazing how some people are so quick to label everything and everyone.
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...especially strong on this site when it comes to a lot of rights issues *sigh*
Team Cameeeerrrrroooon!
In America? i'm (pleasantly) surprised...
Team Cameeeerrrrroooon!
-what do you think sexual freedom in public view accomplishes? Are there less rapes, sex trafficing, better relationships, hands off the minors, and longer orgasms?? What?
-the west coast is part of America and there's nothing prude about it. drive on the 60, 91, 10, you'll see a bevy of inappropriate for the public billboards for strip clubs and that special time of the year when adultcon comes around every other billboard is advertising it. LA, san fran, and Portland to name a few as well as many cities in the surrounding area have plentiful strip clubs, sex shops, and hustler stores. San Fernando valley is porn mecca! Porn stars like kum k and playboy models like the girls next door are house hold names and make millions in this "prude" country. There is a very good supply of sex in mainstream media, print, and business b/c there is a demand. Sexual repression has not been a problem in my America so le fuck yourself. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"that's the first time i had dick in my mouth, and that's the last time i'm going to choke on it.." Dani
Migraineuse hear fucking hear. I'm far from a prude, I'm a dirty little slut (for one guy though) and an ex stripper. I'm so tired though of this sex sex sex society because it's trickling down to kids. Our female toddlers, not teens...not preteens... TODDLERS(!) are being conditioned to be sexual. It's been said over and over again and I'll say it again, you (and society) are not being empowered by taking your clothes off and plastering sex everywhere it's actually quite the opposite. You're being lowered to throw away jackoff material and there's no argument for that. How degrading..one of the most empowering things I've done as a young woman has been leaving behind a job where I've made over a grand certain nights in 5 hours for just being boner inducing, to working long hours for so so pay in nursing where I actually work hard for my money and don't fuck with peoples heads. If you want to be used and objectified for your body that's fine, you're a big girl..just don't try to change what it is and make it seem like you're so advanced for being boner material. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"that's the first time i had dick in my mouth, and that's the last time i'm going to choke on it.." Dani
I agree with you in a sense that women do feel the need to search for validation by portraying themselves as "sexpots" or "sexy". That is true, and I feel that it should be different. Sexy is a relative term, and you do not necessarily need to be naked with a "come hither" look on your face to be sexy as a female.
However, one comment was made about "how come we do not see naked senators?". I would like to see this - I would like to see a real shift in how these things are done. HOWEVER, no one wants to see some old guy in his skivvies. No one. I think this is why women are constantly set up in this way. I can see it from an artistic and visual side - women are just lovely. We are so much more aesthetically pleasing than men.
That being said, I would like to see MANY more naked photo shoots of hot dudes. I would love to see some sexy shots of that due that plays Spartacus, Hugh Jack Me off (dont care if he is gay - just dont care), etc. etc. I believe we need more nudity in the male genre as women. I demand it, dammit!
But Migraneuse, you have to give at least some responsibility to the individual women, not just the society they live in, for devaluing themselves to the point that life doesn't matter unless they're being watched or noticed for their supposed sexiness. Simpson is the one giving up her own power in this case. And a chance at getting some respect. Demi Moore started this, and look at her now-still vying for respect as an actress despite her talent.
I don't believe in censorship, but I do understand covering up these things for the kids in the store. The message that even in pregnancy a woman has to "work it" is not one children need in their minds.
I do wholeheartedly agreed with your point about the liberals though. I was so appalled and disappointed by our last primary and main election. Even as a liberal, that Newsweek covert of Palin disgusted and deeply angered me. But I dont believe in censorship, however, unless children could be harmed or lives lost.
Eta: typing on phone, so this is not as coherent as could be, but u get the idea.
Wearing clothes is an outward sign of status and power. The more status and power you have, the more covered up you are and the more expensive the clothing is. How many naked senators do you see posing for Playboy? And I bet if there were, none of them would be male.
Depriving a person of clothing and making them show their body is an act of humiliation. It's just that we're so used to the ways women are routinely humiliated that we don't see this for what it is. Liberal dudes, and the "feminists" who align with them, like to set up this false dichotomy of "anyone who doesn't want to get naked for me and who isn't okay with my porn is on the dark side of CENSORSHIP". Lefty liberal dudes are some of the biggest woman-haters out there.
People who think degrading and objectifying human beings is normal love to try silencing those who don't agree with them by flinging around names like "prude". Then again, I can't really trust the judgment of anyone who feels that entitled to rape the bodies of others with their eyes.
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It's scary that there are two dorks in this world with artichoke choke fur on their heads. - Dog on the subject of Jedward, Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:05pm.
Lovelylaney, this is because we were settled by Puritans. Imagine how things would be if we had been settled by French libertines?
OH and most Americans are prudes, repub or dem. That's why we don't have naked orange juice commercials here in the States :P
(runs out of post) :)
i wish my eyes had not seen this cover so im jealous they at least dont have to look. i am neither conservative nor a prude but no one needs to see that shit as they're waiting to purchase their food.
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"Fatsa or thinsa you still a bitchsa. :p. *poses with arms up for all future picsas* lol" - guest
Jessssica looked ginormous on the talk show rounds. The extra s's are for the largenesss of her. The one purple thingy she had on one show looked like a 70s bed cover that they just stitched together into two pieces and cut a hole for her head to go through - and then she just put a leather jacket on over it. :P They're gonna have to roll her out a la Violet Beauregarde when she's in labor!
Submitted by Aunt Bea on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 5:11pm.
I'm a Republican and I'm not a prude or a religious fanatic. Stop with the labels. I'm sure there are alot of people that find her and everything about her, disgusting.
I always find it amazing how some people are so quick to label everything and everyone.
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May we not at least label you yet another Republican who doesn't know how to spell "a lot?"
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
ENOUGH OF THIS BRAIN DEAD SKANK!!!!
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
I'm surprised people think this is because they don't want to see a prego body. I think it's because they don't want to see HER prego body. I think this is hilarious.
This is amazing.
lolz, I'm no prude but I think this is hilarious. I can't stand this broad and her oversharing/exposing.
CAID BOAID:
cardboard...that is the letter "r" written in lowercase.
HA!!! I love how in this economy only some cardboard from a broken down box can be spared for this task.
P.S...
Next time cover the unsexy eyes as well.
LisaRose
I know. There are some seriously effed up people running our state. Cleaning-house would be a big step in the right direction. Still, I very much prefer AZ to NV, where I was for 20 years prior to this. The everyday residents of AZ are awesome folks though!
Conservative kooks in AZ... how's that Jan Brewer workin' out for ya?
Migraine Sally: I'm in Casa Grande where it's all drug related talk and Pinal County Republican Sheriff Babeau being called out for taking advantage of his illegal alien lover. SO tired of all this. Drugs are EVERYWHERE, even in 90210. I have nothing but wonderful people surrounding me here. I must never run into any backward Republicans. I come from Ohio originally and never found it all that friendly there and I was there for 36 years. It's such a shame that AZ keeps going back in time to all the wrong issues. Pretty soon we won't have Martin Luther King Day as a holiday. Governor Brewer has to GO and Sheriff Joe Arpaio can carry her bag and his bag out the door.
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Submitted by LisaRose on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 3:33pm.
I live 60 miles north of Tucson and this is just one more thing to add to all the wrongs of AZ. I swear there are some REALLY nice people here. Not everyone is a card carrying Republican prude.
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I'm a Republican and I'm not a prude or a religious fanatic. Stop with the labels. I'm sure there are alot of people that find her and everything about her, disgusting.
I always find it amazing how some people are so quick to label everything and everyone.
In Texas, there's a big food chain called HEB. My husband went in there to grab something for lunch and when he stood in line, he noticed the x-rated topics on the front cover of Cosmopolitan. He found a manager and told him that they shouldn't have that magazine in the lines because kids could see it. The manager said corporate has all the say so.
Anyhoo- just last week, I went in the HEB by our house and saw they put this plastic cover on the front of the Cosmo where it hides the topics! I guess they started getting too many complaints!
IG & guest with no r's, LMAO!
I concur with others, it should go over her face! Hey just flip it upside down! haha
@the stores: *eyeroll*
♥---♥---♥
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When Heidi Montag (yes, she still exists)
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This to me is the most depressing part of the post :(
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Kitten Kaboodle - a Disney ho who did the ho stroll right ;)
I don't blame them. Who wants to see this nekkid frog face while shopping for tonight's dinner? Uck.
As others have noticed "caid boaid" is amazing to me.
There's a service station by me that advertises "Break pads...$125" and it's been up on the side of the building for years.
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Christ, can you imagine if she was Mexican/illegal too?!?
That inflated belly would be one big 'ol bullseye for this conservative Republican state's target shootout practice.
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Y'all can't stop her from smizing.
On one hand, it's retarded to cover a naked body up like there's some sort of shame in it. Her genitals aren't exposed and it's not a particularly vulgar shot (even if I don't care for it).
On the other hand, I would like see more clothed women on the covers of magazines. Or maybe I would just rather the playing field be equaled and see more nekkid man chest.
Are people in AZ brain-fried due to the heat? Or is it just a really, REALLY boring place, so that people (possibly brain-fried due to the heat) have w-a-y too much time on their hands to come up with this random shit?
Because AZ is coming up with some seriously randomly fucked-up shit lately.
Submitted by mitchyul on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 3:28pm.
Only in America! You can show all the violence (guns, bombs...) you want but not a naked body part.
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The land of "we pay for our boobies, gotdammit, or we get them bootleg!! None of this commie, free boobie bullshit!""
Oh, that's nothing. My local Piggly Wiggly covers the Cosmo every month. And I don't even live in a red state. And I live above the Mason Dixie line.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 3:39pm.
I remember the fuss in my waiting room with a Vanity Fair and Elizabeth Taylor holding a condom on the cover.
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Yes but there was a cock inside that one.
They are not uptight, they are a grocery store. And you cannot make money if folks at the check out are leaving the carts of food behind after vieiwing this fuckery....running, vomittting, sobbing, gasping for air. THINK OF THE CHILDREN DAMMIT!
ETA: I was going to take out that extra "i" in viewing, but I am gonna leave it....you need it to view all of that...hot frog momma.
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Shouldn’t she be ”in confinement”, “in seclusion” or some such arrangement where she isn’t out in public scaring little girls into considering the lesbian lifestyle? Isn’t she unnaturally large? Guess how many babies are in the big lady.
well it's hot like peppers in Arizona I'd think they'd be used to seeing naked and half naked people.
Submitted by LisaRose on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 3:33pm.
I live 60 miles north of Tucson and this is just one more thing to add to all the wrongs of AZ. I swear there are some REALLY nice people here. Not everyone is a card carrying Republican prude.
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Preach it LisaRose. I'm in Phoenix and am as pinko-liberal as they come!
LMAO guest and IG, don't make fun of the Aizona accent "caidboid"
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
lmao ig.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Arizona is a trip!
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/
It's mostly meemaws and peepaws who complain. I remember the fuss in my waiting room with a Vanity Fair and Elizabeth Taylor holding a condom on the cover.
Gloria: They're called breasts, Daddy.
Archie: Shhh Shhh Shush! In front of your mother!
guest... I just snoted my ed wine. :))
I am sorry but I do applaud this censorship since that pic left me with an unsavory stomach sitch.
Now now, let's not make negative assumptions about the people who run that store. Maybe they just really, really detest Chestica and don't want to see specifically HER naked and pregnant.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
thebirdofparadise *moves to Colorado*
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
I live 60 miles north of Tucson and this is just one more thing to add to all the wrongs of AZ. I swear there are some REALLY nice people here. Not everyone is a card carrying Republican prude.
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Wouldn't that be great if Jessica broke her waters in that store?