Jeremy Sisto Is Good At Naming Babies

March 22, 2012 / Posted by:

These pictures of Jeremy Sisto having a special “let’s play ‘Suck and Blow‘” moment with a panting ball of fluff are almost three years old, but it’s never too late to get eye servings of dogs and beards. And the blank look in that dog’s eyes might best express your feelings about what Jeremy named his 8-day-old son.

Jeremy and his wife Addie Lane named their 2-year-old daughter CHARLIE-BALLERINA, so you know they’re walking hand-in-hand with fuckery. Addie gave birth to a boy on March 14th, but it too a good minute for the name to come to them as they dropped acid while watching The Neverending Story. Jeremy Tweeted (via People) his son’s name last night and this is what they came up with:

BASTIAN KICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reading that name might make you feel the same way Cher felt when Elton left her all alone in a Circus World parking lot in the Valley: confused, scared and feeling hot in an Alaia. Maybe it’s because I have a soft spot (a really soft spot, a “go to an anus specialist because it’s starting to make gushy sounds when you walk” kind of soft spot) for crazy Billy Chenowith, but I sort of like that name. It’s totally fucked up. It sounds like the name of a Sebastian from The Little Mermaid-inspired cocktail made with crab juice and hot sauce. It also sounds like the name of a hipster band from rural Canada whose claim to fame is getting one of their songs on an episode of the new 90210. But more importantly….

Bastian Kick is the name of the martial arts move Bastian Kick will lay down on his parents when he realizes they named him Bastian Kick.

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