Remember in the tween days of the Internet when Carnie Wilson gave a live gastric bypass surgery show online? That made bitch a vanguard in oversharing on the Internet. I don’t have my Carnicería Wilson timeline in front of me, but if my ass remembers correctly, she had her “Oprah and a kiddie wagon full of lard” moment when she bared her skinny nipples in Playboy after losing the chunk. But then Carnie got married and had some kids, which she says brought her back to the fat. Carnie tried to sweat her way back to skinny bitch on Celebrity Fit Club, but that didn’t really work out for her. So Carnie tells People that she put her ass back on a surgeon’s table in January and got lap-band surgery. Carnie has since lost 30 pounds.
“It was the right decision for me and I’m doing really well so far. It’s all about taking good care of myself.”
Lord. Carnie’s digestive system has been tucked, nipped and cinched more than Mickey Rourke’s face and John Travolta’s dick tunnel. Carnie has fucked with her stomach so much that it’s about to quit her by sliding out of her ass. If that happened, all the food she ate would make a fallingdownawell.wav sound as it free fell through her body before dropping out of her poop hole. That’s probably what her ass wants. But you know, I can’t judge Carnie for this at all. If I could cinch whatever is left of my brain with a silicone band to stop me from feeding my head with trash (see: Kuntrashians, Snooki, creampie porn, HSN and reruns of Property Brothers), I would. No, I wouldn’t.