Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

Both are acclaimed actors. One’s an actor you find super cute. He’s popular and adorable, like dimples and old fashioned dresses. The other’s an actor I find super gross. And dramatic. And full of his own shit. He fronts like he’s dark. He’s difficult. The work is often beneath him. The work is often taken away from him because the attitude that it is beneath him is so often intolerable The two had a torrid affair. Which is nothing unusual, of course not. Except that dimples broke up with drama and drama practically had a psychotic break. There was a month-long spiral. A couple of times he came close to really hurting himself. He also threatened to expose them both, though no one is taking that seriously. As a result, his heartbreaker is trying, ignorantly, to go back to the other side of his bisexuality. (Lainey Gossip)

The only acclaimed actor I find “super” cute is Michael Fucking Nouri and he’s about as adorable as a cum puddle in a dimple and an old fashioned dress crumpled up on the floor of the $15-an-hour motel he rented for you and him to fuck in before planning the murder of your husband (No, I can’t let go of All My Children’s cancellation). What I’m getting at is that Michael Fucking Nouri is SUPER adorable, so it’s not him.

But the actor your ass might find super cute is probably Jake Gyllenhaal. I know how you pinched your nipples during Prince of Persia. Although, that had nothing to do with Jake. You pinched your nipples, because that might was so damn bad and you needed to do something to pass the time.

Anyway, I’ll say that “Dimples” is Jakey? I’ll say that “Drama” is James Franco, because if there’s a bitch who wants the world to think he’s “dramatic and dark” it’s James Franco.

This does make sense, though. Have you been to James Franco’s Tumblr lately? The signs are all there. Bitch keeps posting a picture of this creepy ugly American Girl doll with bunny teeth, thirsty hair, cheap fake eyelashes and busted bangs. It’s like he’s saying to Jake: “LOOK HOW TORN UP OUR DAUGHTER IS. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO HER? TO US?!” And this picture of James with a cookie is his way of saying to Jake: “You’ll never chew on this sweet, dingle-ridden treat again!“

This D list (Z list?) former child star is currently in the process of starting his own religion. He’s claiming to have visions and knows when the end of the world is. He currently has about five followers. (BuzzFoto)

I wish the “he” was a “she” and I wish the “she” was Kimmy Gibler! I’d drop everything to join the Kimmy Gibler cult. We’d pray to the eternal scrunchie all day. But this is obviously Kirk Cameron and his five followers are only there for the foot longs.