The Situation’s rep (“I hate my life.” – The Situation’s rep) pulled all of our dicks yesterday when he said that the charbroiled Don Knotts is currently in an “undisclosed location” to take a much-needed rest from his grueling schedule of screwing last call skanks, getting drunk in a sea of douches and doing non-stop stomach crunches to keep his rock hard 4-pack rock hard (it kind of looks like he has butt abs). The Situation’s rep wanted to make it clear that he doesn’t have a substance abuse problem, but that was a whole lot of lies in your eyes, because TMZ says that he’s at Cirque Lodge in Utah to curb his addiction to prescription pills. The Sitch himself went on his Gawker knock-off blog to pretty much confirm that he’s addicted to swallowing little white things:
I want to set the record straight. I have voluntarily taken steps to get control of a prescription medication problem I had due to exhaustion. I have spent the past several weeks getting treatment for this problem and recuperating from my work and appearance schedule. I appreciate my fans support and love you guys.
TMZ also lets us know that The Situation isn’t letting his hunger for Adderall or Ambien (or whatever the hell he’s guzzling down for “exhaustion“) get in the way of him acting like a chewed up piece of foreskin wrapped in delusion. Apparently, the Situation is sashaying around Cirque Lodge like he’s the biggest star there.
It’s easy to make fun of this orange turtle, but if THIS was your brother, you too would have a stomach full of Pfizer products.
What’s most surprising about all of this is that The Situation has fans . I’m guessing that all of The Situation’s fans are high on EVERYTHING, so they must be conflicted about this sudden turn of events.