GOOP Hates Moss, Koss Hates GOOP

This story from The Sun is so fake that if I chopped it into a fat line and laid it out on a mirror, Kate Moss still wouldn’t snort it up. But it did lead me to this gem of Fishsticks Paltrow being the third, deflated, greasy wheel to Kate and Liv Tyler back in the day. Kate is totally saying to Liv: “Maybe if I hand this bitch an 8-ball, she’ll GOOP away.” Fishsticks is totally saying to Fishsticks: “Duuuuuuurrrrrp.”

So, both GOOPY and Kate Moss were guests at the owner of Topshop Sir Philip Green’s fancy and extravagant 60th birthday holiday in Mexico last week. Apparently, Kate would rather stay at home with her own child than spend 6 seconds with GOOP and the feeling is mutual. So when GOOPY ran into Kate while jogging along the beach, they tried to out-cunt each other and the hilariously fake altercation went something like this:

Kate: Oi, what you out jogging for?

GOOP: So I don’t look like you when I get old!

Kate: Why don’t you eat some fucking carbs!

As much as I’d like to believe that GOOP has the power to lighten a ho’s skin by shading her so much, this didn’t happen. GOOP would never jog on the beach in Mexico, because she’s too afraid of running into local poors. GOOP runs on a treadmill in her hotel suite while her slaves hold up Photoshopped pictures of the Mexican playa. And Kate was probably so drunk the entire time that when she did run into Fishy, she thought GOOP was just a soggy coke booger that escaped out of her nose and mutated into human form. It’s happened before, I’m sure.