Jay-Z’s Mama, Beyonce And A Plastic Gremlin Come Out For Obama

March 20, 2012 / Posted by:

On the left is Gloria Carter, a woman who is letting nature happen to her face. In the middle is Beyonce, a woman who officially owns the trademark for the color blue (which is why if you’re wearing blue™, you should find a lawsuit from her team of lawyers in your lap in 3..2..it’s there) and a woman who looks absolutely beautiful for someone who carried a temper-pedic baby pillow for 9 WHOLE months! And on the right is the latest eliminated Mogwai from Gizmo’s Drag Race. The hell kind of gremlin trickery did Mama Tina do to her face? I know your instinct is to throw water at her, but don’t or she’ll multiply!

Mama Tina’s cheeks look like they’re pregnant with two throbbing demon seeds. Mama Tina’s eyebrows look like the hairy horns of Satan that were thrown on her face to terrorize us on earth. Mama Tina’s whole face looks like it’s possessed by the blood (aka Botox) of Jocelyn Wildenstein.

Mama Tina slithered out of her Lair of Dereon last night to join Gloria Carter, Beyonce and Basement Baby at an Obama re-election fundraiser in NYC last night. Inviting Mama Tina to a re-election fundraiser is the smartest move Michelle Obama has ever made.

As soon as Mama Tina appeared at the entrance to the party in a cloud of smoke, every bitch dropped their purse on the floor and ran for their lives! With just the lift of one brow, Mama Tina can steal your voice, poison your food and give you the feeling that her minions are snatching your children out of their beds to put them to work in the House of Dereon sweat shop. Drop all your worldly possessions and save your children!

After Basement Baby tallied up all the dropped wallets, purses, wigs, jewelry and watches she picked up off the floor, she declared that they set a new fundraising record. You’re a mean (and genius) one, Mama Tina.

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