Jay-Z's Mama, Beyonce And A Plastic Gremlin Come Out For Obama
On the left is Gloria Carter, a woman who is letting nature happen to her face. In the middle is Beyonce, a woman who officially owns the trademark for the color blue (which is why if you're wearing blue™, you should find a lawsuit from her team of lawyers in your lap in 3..2..it's there) and a woman who looks absolutely beautiful for someone who carried a temper-pedic baby pillow for 9 WHOLE months! And on the right is the latest eliminated Mogwai from Gizmo's Drag Race. The hell kind of gremlin trickery did Mama Tina do to her face? I know your instinct is to throw water at her, but don't or she'll multiply!
Mama Tina's cheeks look like they're pregnant with two throbbing demon seeds. Mama Tina's eyebrows look like the hairy horns of Satan that were thrown on her face to terrorize us on earth. Mama Tina's whole face looks like it's possessed by the blood (aka Botox) of Jocelyn Wildenstein.
Mama Tina slithered out of her Lair of Dereon last night to join Gloria Carter, Beyonce and Basement Baby at an Obama re-election fundraiser in NYC last night. Inviting Mama Tina to a re-election fundraiser is the smartest move Michelle Obama has ever made.
As soon as Mama Tina appeared at the entrance to the party in a cloud of smoke, every bitch dropped their purse on the floor and ran for their lives! With just the lift of one brow, Mama Tina can steal your voice, poison your food and give you the feeling that her minions are snatching your children out of their beds to put them to work in the House of Dereon sweat shop. Drop all your worldly possessions and save your children!
After Basement Baby tallied up all the dropped wallets, purses, wigs, jewelry and watches she picked up off the floor, she declared that they set a new fundraising record. You're a mean (and genius) one, Mama Tina.
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Cray how much Tina Knowles looks like a damn gremlin. That shit was based on her for sure. Yes i have late pass.
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Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.
and Jay Z is just so special he can show up to such an event in a denim washed out jacket and untied sneakers... *grits teeth* cant-stand-these-two
Team Cameeeerrrrroooon!
Way to screw up that 'blue' Victoria Beckam dress with a hood ornament bird necklace-windchime.
If that is seriously your voting criteria...maybe you ought to abstain altogether.
"Naughychimp's picture
Submitted by Naughychimp on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:01pm.
Another reason not to vote for Obama...
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I like Solange's outfit.
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The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
WTF? How could they come out and support Noboma? Seriously????
I have my doubts about the pregnancy, but if she DID have the kid herself she's been giving that kid to the nanny and done nothing but work out. This is not a teeny little woman who wears her pre-pregnancy jeans home from the hospital or is in them 3 weeks later. My co-worker was the former, my sister was the latter. But they are very thin people anyway.
Beyonce is not that. I'm reading "You'll Never Nanny in this Town Again" right now. It's awesome and you'll totally see Bey and Jay doing what the subjects in the book do. No way that kid spends more than an hour a day with her parents. It's all nanny time.
Tina needs to stop screwing with her face. She was so naturally beautiful, even before that lift she had a year or two ago.
Such a great bone structure. These people usually age the best.
I think Solange is pretty, and not really any less so than Beyonce. Obviously some things just work for her better than others.
Here, she doesn't look so good. The shiny/oily face, the lipstick, and the hair. I don't have a problem with natural Afro-American hair, but it just kind of looks like an untrimmed bush, and the length is bad.
Still not sure what I think about Beyonce's "pregnancy." But her face actually looks kind of bloated here, in thumbnail 2, and her lips looks suspiciously Lohan-y. In that picture her midsection looks kind of stout--maybe she's just wearing multiple Spanx. Her dress is also kind of wrinkling/riding up in the middle, which would kind of support that theory. Beyonce has weird legs.
Beyonce hosts the next "RuPaul's Drag Race, the 50+ Years." Bey is gorgeous but those book-end beasts are a different story. Tina's blouse is pretty, though.
Basement Baby is lookin good.
OK, who thinks "Jay-Z's mama" is really Jay-Z in drag??
raises hand
holyyyy moses.
Submitted by not shocked on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 3:25pm.
I saw the trashy assed Dereon bedding at Anna's Linen. I had to go to the ghetto Bed, Bad and Beyond because I have a house guest coming and I am broke and I had to buy a bed set or else the house guest was going to get the cat's blankies.
That shit is 'spensive and looks like it's made from Tijuana Upholstery fabric.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AJGsYxT2WxA/TCN2NhGHGUI/AAAAAAAAEVY/ry9-mVJt0S...
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Ew. I don't know, you can find equally repugnant linen for less. But their shit is tacky. Remember their kids' line?
And I bet that she is not wearing Dereon, and can we blame her? Please, my girl Miuccia Prada wears her own clothes, as does ugly Muppet faced Donatella Versace. Sure, they mix in other pieces, but if you can design your own clothes, why not wear them, especially when you can have them tailored and shit? Even Gwen Stefani and her kid wear more L.A.M.B. stuff. If you are not using your product, why the fuck should I?
Tina's face gives me the heezies. Jeeze woman- stop it! Look at Beyonce: she had a nose job, boobs, tummy tuck some fillers, fake pregnancy, but she stopped there!
You are going to look like that gremlin from lord of the rings. ark my words!
I saw the trashy assed Dereon bedding at Anna's Linen. I had to go to the ghetto Bed, Bad and Beyond because I have a house guest coming and I am broke and I had to buy a bed set or else the house guest was going to get the cat's blankies.
That shit is 'spensive and looks like it's made from Tijuana Upholstery fabric.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AJGsYxT2WxA/TCN2NhGHGUI/AAAAAAAAEVY/ry9-mVJt0S...
It's quite believable that she went down in weight right after her pregnancy. Each woman is different (duh). I do think that she was pregnant and was the victim of bad publicity advice. Plus, we don't know what she has on under that dress. Spanx, girdles, corsets, belly bands, etc. There is often a lot of behind-the-scenes work, a lot of scaffolding involved, in looking together or wearing a particular outfit in the way most flattering to your body type.
Gender really is a construction.
Nice dress and hair, Beyonce. Well played.
LOL Beyonce you are fooling no one. You definitely did not just give birth to a baybay, not "naturally" or any other way.
Her sister really is unfortunate-looking isn't she?
Fake fambly.
Mama Bacon was one of those rare statistics as well. She's very petite--5'3" and about 110 lbs. She dropped my 10 lb. 6 ounce ass and left the hospital wearing her pre-maternity pants. The nurse nearly hit the floor.
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Another reason not to vote for Obama...
Let's be real. She just quit working out and she's eating whatever she wants now.
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*Beauty fades, but bitchiness gets better with age!* - MK
bunch of republican acting democrats, not a good thing, Mamma Knowles is beyond scary, yes they are the 1% and they are no different than any other 1%...not special, not nice, not unique. Just more money to fuck up their faces and have fake babies.
LMAO! now everytime I see "Ms" Tina imma think of that slutty gremlin from the movie
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Michael K 2012
It's interesting how Solange doesn't look a bit like Mama Tina, yet her son Julez, looks exactly like his grandma. To be Beyonce's sister and look like that cannot be fun, but I suppose she's not so tragic.
How cute is Mama-Hova?
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Submitted by Luna Tick on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 1:44pm.
exactly!
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
I think Jay-Z's mom looks natural and elegant. Unlike thrashy Tina Knowles. And I don't get people saying Jay Z is ugly. There are a lot more celebrities more busted than he is.
Beyonce is very very beautiful, natural or not. Her sister is just odd.
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Trailer Trash.
Jay Z is very smart and a good business man, but he is absolutely ugly. That's why he only dated(s) beautiful women.
and also...DAMN, beyonce is soooo much better looking than her sis! bey is gorgeous! her mom totally heidi montagged herself.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
jay z looks like his mom :)
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Sooo that's not Jay-Z in drag then?
"The ocean is your emotion"-Gary Busey
Submitted by dirty sancho: "I've heard your nose gets wider with pregnancy. Is that true? If so, how is this bitch's nose smaller than before Ivy Wig Glue came along?"
That happened to my friend.
Weird stuff happens when you're pregnant.
I've heard your nose gets wider with pregnancy. Is that true? If so, how is this bitch's nose smaller than before Ivy Wig Glue came along?
if the "Saw" series ever decides to replace Billy with a live actor, Tina Knowles got that
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"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I knew Tina Knowles looked familiar. Beyonce looks lovely though.
.....Jay's mama
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Be intrigued, be interested. DON'T be stupid.---TheBreakdown
Yeah, I'm naive. In that last thumb, she still looks a little thick from the side and in some earlier pictures I've seen of her in the last couple of weeks, she's had a pretty big ass and thighs. Maybe she's just someone who shows from the side and not the front. She's had some time to be working on getting it off and definitely has the money to have trainers (and surgery) to tighten things.
I won't argue that she maybe "enhanced" things but I still think she was pregs. Yes, I also believe in aliens and Big Foot.
Submitted by charlie loves tiger :
black women are especially and uniquely beautiful because of their gorgeous skin and remarkable facial bone structure. it is a shame when they try to look white with the hair lenght and hair straightening and nose jobs, etc. i've always thought a natural look of a small afro or little corkscrew curls looks best.
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Agreed. Those tiny corkscrew curls are adorable. Plus they can participate in activities such as swimming etc. :-)
I'll say something nice about Bouncy: she can manage to walk across the street, and up and down curbs all by her damn self in heels! *side-eyes MiMi and her TWO helpers*
I love long- haired Afros and the corkscrew curls. Any ethnicity with this type of hair looks so beautiful - white, black, latins.
Solange needs a long haired Afro, not a short one. Only boys and kids look good with a small Afro.
blue ivy is gonna look like her beautiful father jayz.
So...if boys resemble their mothers, and daughters resemble their dads, little Purple Tumbleweed is going to eventually look like her Granny Madea here? (IF she's even genetically a Carter that is). Good thing they're rich, cause homegirl is gonna need a TON of plastic surgery, I mean "vacations".
thumb 11 is Jay's O face
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
She looks fantastic in that dress tho, especially for someone who just gave birth, TO A QUEEF!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Mogwai from gizmo's drag race!
*faints*
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
No baby came out of the wench in blue. Bouncy seriously thinks she's gods gift to the world- no wonder she and goopie air kiss on the regular.
I bet Tina the Gremlin got work done as "revenge" for Daddy Knowles straying.
What exactly does Solozenge do?
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 11:21am.
Whamo, 50 tons of foundation in the wrong shade can give you that waxy ashen look
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She must put that foundation on with a trowel then lol!
Bitch please stop with a) the blue everything b) the fake pregnancy c) the fake class d) the plastic surgery and scary fake mom...damn she is tiresome and Tina is just a freaky fright.
Bitch please stop with a) the blue everything b) the fake pregnancy c) the fake class d) the plastic surgery and scary fake mom...damn she is tiresome and Tina is just a freaky fright.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 11:29am.
http://www.tmz.com/2012/03/20/beyonce-post-baby-body/#.T2ijlNn4InY
read the last line.....I think they are slamming her?
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TMZ trying to be witty? What is this world coming to? I think a post like that would generate comments . . . and it has. Some of the comments are funny though.
Submitted by dementa on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 11:23am.
I don't understand why celebrities think they're actually helping presidential images by supporting them, especially if those prezzes criticize the rich.
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I think that a lot of celebs think they are so deep and artistic and live in kind of an insulated bubble. They are out of touch with the rest of the people. Hence the Occupy t-shirts debacle.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 10:44am.
Judging Beyonce figure you'd have to say her baby was what, 2.5 lbs full term?
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Well, 2.5 lbs of feathers at full term or maybe they stuffed the pillow with regular stuffing, but they are too rich for regular things.
On another note, looks like Gay-Z's genes are STRONG, so the child should look just like him. They are probably keeping her under wraps (literally) until she is 3 months and old enough to get her first nose job.