American Mess Meets Irish Messes

Last night in Hollywood was the big premiere for Tara Reid's grand return to the silver screen and she brought her "Celebrity" Big Brother housemates and fellow messes Jedward as her escorts. Yes, Tara looks like a malnourished, self-tanner-addicted 50-something soap actress who has just come off the set after playing a ghost in a dream sequence, but she's free of barf stains, whiskey spots and a European husband who's only using her for a green card, so I'd say she looks good! Or maybe I'm only saying that because I'm temporarily blinded by the bright shiny glitter rays shooting off of those twin Edward Cullen troll doll pencil toppers. (Note: That is the only time I will ever refer to Jedward as "tops.")

Every time I see a picture of those twin spaz brooms, I want to smash Ritalin pills into my eyes, because they just can't have a seat. They're always jumping. They're always screaming. They're always freaking out like vibrators on meth. Hopefully, they calmed down after they came down with instant lead poisoning from kissing on the orange paint slathered on Tara's face.

Here's some more hos from last night's American Reunion: WE'RE ALL OLD premiere. In order: Tara with Jedward, Jason Biggs with his wife, Jason with Eddie Kaye Thomas and John Cho, Jennifer Coolidge giving us BODY, Shannon Elizabeth, Alyson Hannigan, Chris Klein (looking like a coked up insurance salesman), Natasha Lyonne, Sean William Scott, Thomas Ian Nicholas with date and Mena Suvari.

Wenn.com, Bauer Griffin

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by lisa_lisa_lisa on Thu, 03/22/2012 - 1:07am.

I have always thought that Mena Suvari was somewhat busted. . . like Leelee Sobieski, one of those chicks that is considered hot ONLY because she's blond.

I clicked on her pic just to confirm that she was still busted, and was quite surprised. Bitch is hot!

And I JUST figured out why. . . she has her gargantuan forehead covered up completely. And with a sexy swoop instead of goofy-looking bangs.

Keep it up, Suvari! I don't ever want to see your bulging, veiny forehead again. Please. It completely detracts from your otherwise lovely face.

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 7:58pm.

Submitted by urmomma on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 12:10pm.

I think Mena is HOT. (I know you aren't saying she isn't just saying ;)).

I saw Jennifer Coolidge at a restaurant a few months ago. She is HUGE. I don't mean fat she is just so tall! Beautiful though. And I Love her so much my friend had to keep me from nerding out on her.

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#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.

Submitted by HangryHippo on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 7:50pm.

mena suvari has some fierce posing skills!

www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack

Submitted by Scott in NYC on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 4:44pm.

You might call Tara a mess but she has never looked better and happier. I hope she stays the course. Poor Natasha looks like she has just had it.

Submitted by Margo on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 11:57am.

Natasha Lyonne is on the come up. Love her & wish her well.

Submitted by urmomma on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 10:40am.

@TBD
I beg to differ, my good man! Jennifer Coolidge is the shit. I love her. Mena has the chest of a 12 yr old boy, but the ass of a mini jlo. She cute and all, but she is noooooo Jennifer. :)

AND! I am not dogging the flat chested of the world, I was just pointing that out....

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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)

The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK

Submitted by TheBreakdown on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 9:59am.

Mena is the only one that looks hot. If Tara raised her dress up and exposed her midsection, we'd be gagging! But she looks MUCH better and I wish her a full recovery because she actually is (marginally) talented.

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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
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Submitted by ginger_t on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 9:38am.

"Edward Cullen troll doll pencil toppers" ... OMG LOL ... I remember the "Frito Bandito" pencil eraser that came in the Frito Lay corn chip snack pack boxes ...

Submitted by bitchSpray on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 9:26am.

first of all, i LOVE jennifer coolidge. she's great in 2 broke girls

second of all, HOW SHOULD I FEEL ABOUT THIS? all of the former "teenagers" are in their mid-thirties. are they still portraying horny dumbasses? and who is the audience of this mess? because those who grew up with American Pie must be at least thirty. is that a movie for their kids now? that's some messed up all-family movie shit

Submitted by Cookie-Slore on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 9:24am.

Oh damn, Chris Klein is inheriting the Nic Cage/Jude Law hairline problems.

Jennifer Coolidge is 100% fabulous and I think she looks great for her age. But that dress is too small.

Can't hate on AH either since she'll always be Willow from Buffy to me. Fuck, I must be hormonal, I'm getting nostalgic over every one of these washed up losers!

"Bitch, you scared."

Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 8:52am.

Chris Klein looks like a possum (opossum?). Anyway, he looks smarmy and fug.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Douchechill!

Submitted by nunya_bizness on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 8:11am.

Besides John Cho and Lilly from HIMYM, time has been very unkind to the rest of them.

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Be intrigued, be interested. DON'T be stupid.---TheBreakdown

Submitted by Stock Broker on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 7:15am.

Suri Cruise dad (Chris Klein) could use a few weeks in a tanning bed.

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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11

Submitted by Luna Tick on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 7:10am.

I used to adore Mena Suvari. She suddenly fell off the radar after American Beauty. She was different from all the other '90s starlets and actually had some talent and substance. She looks weird here.
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Trailer Trash.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 6:10am.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:14pm.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:05pm.

Okay, I give up. WTF is Jedward?

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Yeah, seriously. Were they born with seperate bodies, but a conjoined name?

^^^^^^^^^^^

It's scary that there are two dorks in this world with artichoke choke fur on their heads.

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Okay, that shit was so funny I'm making it my new sig.

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"Sex can never be a politically neutral interaction as long as the interests of one party are by universal decree prioritized over the interests of the other." -- http://bit.ly/y8oRWL

Submitted by letinstar on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 6:08am.

wth happened to seann william scott?_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by Migraineuse on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 6:07am.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 11:08pm.

why the fuck did they make this movie?

the original was stupid as hell, and I never bothered to see any of the sequels.

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My theory is that the popular media is a tool to dumb down the population so that they won't organize a revolution against the 1%. They use sex and cheap jokes as bait.

My theory regarding the reunion is that none of these actors have had a decent job since, so this is some kind of charity for them.

*______________________________________*

"Sex can never be a politically neutral interaction as long as the interests of one party are by universal decree prioritized over the interests of the other." -- http://bit.ly/y8oRWL

Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 6:04am.

Jedward is still around? Jesus.

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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.

Submitted by MissAnnThrope on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 5:29am.

Tara looks stunning. If we didn't know anything about her, we would all think "wow who is this girl." It's a shame she wasted so many years.

Submitted by freshfacestripper on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 4:41am.

everyone looks cracked the fuck out! wtf is wrong with stiffler? that wig! oh,no honey!

Submitted by FabulousDivaBuns on Wed, 03/21/2012 - 3:24am.

It's amazing to me that Tara Reid has cleaned up so well

I have one thing to say...You Bettah Work.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 10:38pm.

This movie showed Shannon Elizabeth's star power. getting naked and masturbating in a stranger's bedroom, which was just so plausible..

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I guess this is our last goodbye
And you don't care, so I won't cry
But you'll be sorry when I'm dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
-The Police

Submitted by Domina X on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 10:37pm.

I thought that was Robert Pattinson with his brother.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 10:36pm.

Tara & Mena look great! UGH on the spazzy duo! haha

♥---♥---♥
"... looking in her face is heaven for all the youth and hope and good will." Thamar 03/01/2012 ☺♪☼♫ ░░░░

Submitted by lovelylaney on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 10:07pm.

Suri's baby-daddy looks good and so does Natasha.

Submitted by almostfamous88 on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:59pm.

Oh shit, Natasha Lyonne is alive - nothing else matters...Tara's face doesn't look nearly as bad as Crack Whore Lohan's

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:38pm.

why the fuck did they make this movie?

the original was stupid as hell, and I never bothered to see any of the sequels.

Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:32pm.

I am so happy Natasha seems to have got her life together. She looks great here.

Submitted by lexybrooklyn on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:25pm.

I am so confused right now. Madonna looks young, and Tara Reid looks stunning. Whatever Tara Reid is doing, she needs to share her secret with the Olsen trolls, Lindsay Lohan, Eva Longoria and a long list of other people who caught the case of busted from which Tara has recovered. Once upon a time I actually thought Tara was very talented and I would love to see her make a comeback.

Submitted by squiggles on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:56pm.

Wow, Tara looks really, really good here. Now maintain, Tara! Maintain! Shannon Elizabeth's dress looks cheap. It's Mena who's bringing some fashion realness to this crew.

Submitted by Das ist ein Dreck on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:53pm.

In all fairness Tara does look decent for being Tara.
Shannon Elizabeth - uh, age does not agree with her.
Mena Suvari hiding her most remarkable ass-et.
Alyson Hannigan - queen mother of the hot nerd girls.

--
You got a lot of money, but you can't afford the freeway

Submitted by Banilla Bagina on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:46pm.

Chris klein is such a caricature of Awful. He looks like a Neil LaBute character. Smug smarmy and vicious face

Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:43pm.

This collection of fuckery would be perfect for yet another generation of Hollywood Hasbeens, I mean, Squares.

Submitted by MooseMama on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:37pm.

this looks so depressing, its definitely a wait for it to be on redbox type of movie

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I wish I had multiple Alts, that way I won't be so lonely when I'm talking to myself

Submitted by mike on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:23pm.

Submitted by Vico on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:34pm.
Ok two questions.

1)Is it just me or do Jedward's heads look huge? Especial when compared to Tara or maybe their hair is confusing my spatial logic.

I think it's a spatial thing. I think it's mostly because they're leaning toward the camera while Tara stands erect.

Submitted by Stan Derp on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:10pm.

Submitted by mike on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:58pm.

Heh - In the early days of Lindsay Lohan's downward spiral, remember how everyone was saying that if she didn't shape up, she'd end up like Tara Reid?

She (Lindsay) should have been so lucky.

Agree! If she can keep her shit together her comeback could be very successful.

I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery

Submitted by CheeryBitch on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:13pm.

Tara's panties are clearly visible (at least to my insane ability to discern sublties between colors). Keepin' it classy!

Submitted by Vico on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:04pm.

Ok two questions.

1)Is it just me or do Jedward's heads look huge? Especial when compared to Tara or maybe their hair is confusing my spatial logic.
and
2)Are they wearing silver batt insulation as coats?

And Jennifer Coolidge has been wearing those exact same tight ass, ugly dresses on the few episodes I saw of 2 broke girls. But she hides her belly area with this fur thing and I spend the entire show wonderings so is she preggo or just fat or poorly dressed or what, I figure it's a fairly good spending of my mind time while the shows on.

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"So what was all that about enlarged holes and tight cracks?" -Enid

Submitted by christine the hoff on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:01pm.

Submitted by mike on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:58pm.
Heh - In the early days of Lindsay Lohan's downward spiral, remember how everyone was saying that if she didn't shape up, she'd end up like Tara Reid?

She (Lindsay) should have been so lucky.

NO SHIT
At least Tara isn't the downward but of the jokes about black men's pants and coke and going to jail and shit.

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I have never loved life so much.

Submitted by mike on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:55pm.

I'm pretty sure the Jedwards where on the British version of American Idol. I think they were Hot Sluts a year or so ago.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:51pm.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:14pm.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:05pm.

Okay, I give up. WTF is Jedward?

_______________________________________

Yeah, seriously. Were they born with seperate bodies, but a conjoined name?

^^^^^^^^^^^

It's scary that there are two dorks in this world with artichoke choke fur on their heads.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by letinstar on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:48pm.

What the hell is jedward...and can it be destroyed with a can of raid? Mena does look great... and Tara looks good and clean...

____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by Callan on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:44pm.

God, Mena Suvari looks great. Love her hair.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:44pm.

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 9:05pm.

Okay, I give up. WTF is Jedward?

_______________________________________

Yeah, seriously. Were they born with seperate bodies, but a conjoined name?

*______________________________________*

"Sex can never be a politically neutral interaction as long as the interests of one party are by universal decree prioritized over the interests of the other." -- http://bit.ly/y8oRWL

Submitted by Dog on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:35pm.

Okay, I give up. WTF is Jedward?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:30pm.

chris klein used to be hittable, but now...OH my... no thanks.

nasssstty!

and the jedwards are totally bottoms.

Submitted by mike on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:28pm.

Heh - In the early days of Lindsay Lohan's downward spiral, remember how everyone was saying that if she didn't shape up, she'd end up like Tara Reid?

She (Lindsay) should have been so lucky.

Submitted by Daniee on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 7:24pm.

Submitted by Lily85 on Tue, 03/20/2012 - 8:45pm.

Jennifer Coolidge should not wear tight dresses.
Is she pregnant or is that just fat?
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Just looks to me a poor choice of dress for a full figured 48 year old. The texture is far too heavy and shiny, the line is all wrong and it could be one size larger.

Both her and the gorgeous Shannon Elizabeth are wearing dresses that look like they came from a bridal store's clearout/moving sale. No one has wanted to buy those since 1992.