Lifetime already deserves a wet slap to their right cheek for casting Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor and now they deserve a wet slap to their left cheek for this mess right here. Those foolery enablers at Lifetime announced about 5 months ago that they were putting together a basic cable remake of Steel Magnolias starring an all-black cast and I gave them the perfect cast on a platter covered with armadillo cake crumbs. You can’t go wrong with Cousin Dionne Warwick as Ouiser or Jackee Harry as Truvy! Did they listen to a low-level blogger who has no casting experience and is slightly brain dead from snorting a skull full of public pool water as a child? No, those whores did not. They went their own route. Most of Lifetime’s cast makes sense, but some of it is making me bawl like Jack Jr. on the ceramic tile floor after Shelby passes the fuck out. This is Lifetime’s cast via Deadline:
Phylicia Rashad as Clairee (the Olympia Dukakis role)
Alfre Woodard as Ouiser (the Shirley MacLaine role)
Queen Latifah as M’Lynn (the Sally Field role)
Jill Scott as Truvy (the Dolly Parton role)
Condola Rashad, Phylicia’s daughter as Shelby (the Julia Roberts role)
Adepero Oduye as Annelle (the Daryl Hannah role)
I’m okay with Clair Huxtable, Alfre, Jill Scott and the young ones, but QUEEN LATIFAH as M’Lynn? We all know what happened the last time Queen Latifah was in a beauty shop. It turned into a 38% rotten pile of old hair stuck in a sink drain. There’s no way Queen Latifah can deliver a Sybil-like dramatic cunt meltdown in the middle of a cemetery the same way Sally Field can. I’d rather see Tyler Perry as Madea as M’Lynn. Lifetime is a pig from hell. Drink your juice, Lifetime!