You Can’t Keep a 14 Month Pregnant Jessica Simpson Down

March 17, 2012 / Posted by:

That is a look from a man who:

a) Knows his taste buds are officially destroyed after an air bomb from Jessica Simpson’s ass landed on his tongue.

and

b: Is bracing himself for the possibility of getting knocked down by an explosion of BABIES!!!, Slutty Brownies and pregnant lady jizz.

Here’s Jessica Simpson looking like an albino python in a yellow wig who swallowed a buffalo who swallowed a hippo who swallowed a pack of Giseles (the model, not the animal) who swallowed a dozen watering holes. Jessica has the entire Serengeti up in there. Even though Jessica is pregnant with the entire cast of The Lion King, I really have to hand it to her, and by “it” I mean a damn chair for her to sit her pregnant ass down! No, I really have to hand it to Jessica, because even though she’s carrying 70 pounds of baby, she’s still hitting the ho stroll hard by taking her bought bitch to the Panda Express to the stars Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills last night.

Jessica proves that just because you’re a swollen ball of horniness doesn’t mean you can’t put on a jacket made from Pier 1 placemats to take your piece to a restaurant where you’ll gross everyone out by winking at your man while telling him that you want his double stuffed egg roll in a bad way.

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