Channing Tatum’s Ass Is A Siren Song To All The Men In Hollywood

Some horny bitch in the Hollywood hierarchy must have sampled Channing Tatum’s thonged delights a couple of years back. Because I can’t sneak a nip into the AMC without his liverwursty self confronting me in every trailer shown. I don’t get it. He’s got a nice setup (sometimes) but is the talent there? No, but a badonka donk bubble butt obviously is because Parks and Recreation’s Adam Scott wants to fuck it and Jonah Hill insisted on a sexy skinny-dipping session with it. Lap band surgery makes you gay.

We posted about Adam Scott’s desire for Channing Tatum’s buttocks over at my day job (it was a nice break from topics like self-fisting and which porn star gobbles cock the best). Scott rhapsodized to Details about Channing’s hams and what we as a public should do with them.

DETAILS: Wow, that is nerdy. So, on Parks, the cast always seems to be having a ton of fun.

Adam Scott: You don’t have fun at work? You work for Details. You sit around and talk about hot dudes like Channing Tatum. That guy looks like he was sculpted out of ivory. If they made casts of asses to sell at adult stores for people to have sex with, they would use his ass. Sorry for everything I just said.

You know when you’re awkward and you sweat through party conversation and inevitably the thing you say to someone is a weird reference to some nightmarish fantasy that you have about snoodling and they quickly move away to the cheese plate? Maybe that’s just Adam and I. Because that was quite a jump from “having fun on the set” to “I want a rubber Channing Tatum ass to fuck”.

He’s going to be one hissingly jealous pocket queen because toad turned meerkat Jonah Hill got to splash around with Channing’s big white ass in Miami! They’re in the 21 Jump Street remake together and Tatum told Jimmy Kimmel that they went for a dip together all nude and stuff.

“We decided to jump in the ocean—naked. It was nighttime, thank God,” Tatum shared.

“There’s Jerry’s Deli right on the corner and [Jonah] decides he wants to go in and all he’s got is his T-shirt and his underwear on and he’s like, ‘I’m going in to get something to eat!’ and I’m like, ‘No!’ So I stopped him and [took] him back to the car,” he added. “Now he’s nicknamed ‘Baby Jonah’ because I had to dress him like a mom. I’m like, ‘No, no. Bad Jonah. No. Butt up, butt up. OK.”

“Butt up”? Kinky adult baby play? The fuck is going on during these shoots? George Clooney must have made an immediate beeline for Channing’s latest movie shoot after he made bail.

Oh, and I’m not going to pretend like I wouldn’t spelunk on that ass. I’ve had liverwurst before. It didn’t kill me.