Open Post: Hosted By The Dark Shadows Trailer

March 16, 2012 / Posted by:

The original Dark Shadows was a campy, busted, terrible mess of dreckery and it was brilliant in every way. It had the production values of a Mexican porn and the actors didn’t strain one ounce of their being to give a fuck. In one episode, one of the actors (I can’t remember which one), read her lines off of a napkin or paper lying on the dining table. Lindsay Lohan would’ve killed it on that show! So I was hoping that Tim Burton would bring some of that low-budget “filmed in the back room of a supermarket” glamour to the movie. I wasted a hope for NOTHING, because that’s not what he did. I’m sort of torn like a Duggar cooch over this trailer. It has some promise, but overall it looks like The Addams Family Values, the worst parts of The Royal Tenenbaums and a My Chemical Romance video had a PG-13 threesome in the clearance section of a Halloween store. On a positive note: EVA GREEN CHICHIS!

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