File this under: I hope this leads to talking ice sculpture Cindy McCain writing her own Penthouse Letter.
John and Cindy McCain’s daughter Meghan McCain is in Playboy’s April issue (for reasons I’ll never know) and she kept her Republican titty balls to herself, but she did talk about how only peens are allowed up in her sugar walls. But before Meghan got into dick talk, she said that she overdosed on Xanax the day before the 2008 election and that she gained some chunk during the height of “Obamamania.” Meghan gained weight by gorging on Snickers while hanging out on her parents’ bed with her friends and that led to dick talk:
Watch it, mister. My friends from home came over to support me, and we got in my parents’ big bed. They have this huge California king and we just stayed up eating ice cream. I’m not a lesbian, if that’s what you’re asking. I’d be the first person to tell the world I was gay. I’m not private about anything. I think you should live how you should live. But I’m strictly dickly. I can’t help it. I love sex and I love men.
And that led to the interviewer asking about Meghan’s love for Rachel Maddow and Tila Tequila:
Honey, you’re nobody unless you have a gay rumor about you. I’ve been hit on by women from time to time, and it might simplify my life if I were gay, but no. Rachel and Tila are just great people. For me, it’s an issue of civil rights. Who people want to sleep with and who they want to love should not have anything to do with government politics at all. And if you see me in a gay bar, it’s only because they play the best music and my gay friends like to dance. Gay guys love me. It’s the big boobs and blonde hair.
Strictly dickly? Who does this bitch think she is? Sommore? Never mind that Meghan made one of the Four Horsemen jump start his ride by putting Tila Tequila and Rachel Maddow in the same sentence and never mind that the image of Meghan rubbing her nipples all over Rachel’s eyeglass lenses is not what I needed today, the most tragic part of this whole thing is that picture. My 9th grade yearbook photo session had a bigger budget than this shit. They threw a white sheet over a pile of empty cardboard boxes in the corner and told Meghan to lay on it while wearing an ugly dress last worn by one of the Barker’s Beauties in the late 80s. Playboy needs to stop outsourcing to the Sears Portrait Studio.