Stacy Keibler Who?

March 15, 2012 / Posted by:

Along with the First Lady of the Death Eaters Anna Wintour, Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman, George Clooney was a guest of the Obamas at last night’s White House State Dinner for British prime minister David Cameron and he ate next to Michelle Obama. Stacy Keibler didn’t go with Clooney to that shit last night, because Hollywood escort season (aka awards season) is over and her services as his full-time purse holder are no longer needed. Stacy was there in spirit, though (peep at the beard).

While Sarah Larson gave Stacy a tour of George Clooney’s Halfway House for Reformed Hos, George got lost in the string of blue balls around Michelle’s neck. Stupid ass George Clooney! That dumb bitch was so mesmerized with Michelle’s Smurf pearl necklace that he failed to see that the First Lady couldn’t lift her damn eyelids due to the 30 pounds of eyelashes holding them down. Seriously, those aren’t lashes, those are eyelid anchors. Homegirl needed a helping hand and George was too busy being like, “Durr… durr… purdy balls… shiny balls… I like balls…” George, help an Obama out by prying those lids open with your salad fork. Damn. Does the SEAL Team Six have to do everything?!

Or maybe Michelle wasn’t having a traumatic eyelid experience. Maybe she was wishing herself into a safe place where George Clooney isn’t going on and on about how beautiful, smart and perfect Brad Pitt is…

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