Lindsay Lohan Is Linnocent
Since the Billy Joel of ginger-haired crackies, Lindsay Lohan, can't stay away from her true soulmate the California Justice System for long, she blew a freckled-embedded air kiss at the Probation Department the other night by ("ALLEGEDEDLY!" - White Oprah) grazing the knee of some dude with her Porsche outside a club in Hollywood. You know, I was thinking about this for a while yesterday and so I fisted myself on the side of my head for thinking about this for a while. But that punch knocked a thought into the tattered, burnt, whiskey-soaked loofah sponge in my head. LiLo is just a few days away from being free of probation and she somehow gets caught up in more fuckery. It's like she's got that Munchausen syndrome shit, but instead of feeding her baby laundry detergent so she can take it to the emergency room, she fucks up so she can go back to court. Bitch has Crackhausen syndrome by proxy!
Of course, LiLo denied on Twitter yesterday that any of this happened. LiLo's Porsche never touched a bitch and she was only at that club because her bible study class gets together in its basement every Wednesday morning:
"Scrape? This is all a complete lie. I've been at community service. Last night, I attempted to wish a friend happy birthday, which I didn't even get to do because I was freaked out by all of the paparazzi."These false accusations are absurd."
Before you say that it's always Opposite Day in LiLo's head and you wouldn't trust a thing she said even if her tongue was notarized, she has an eyewitness! In the video above, a Detroit Rock City extra who can't let go 16-year-old girl tells TMZ that she was there and LiLo's car never scraped anybody's knee. Young Sarah says that the hookah lounge manager was on a staircase the entire time and didn't come close to LiLo's car. Sarah claims that she heard the manager come up with the idea for scamming LiLo and said she was going to pay. Either the most popular flavor at that dude's hookah lounge is "delusion" or he's a sea jasper aficionado, because that bitch ain't got no money.
I have my doubts that the person talking in that clip is actually a 16-year-old girl from Los Angeles named Sarah. 16-year-old girls aren't hanging out in club parking lots at midnight. They're talking shit on the Internet while snorting vodka through a neti pot like a normal teenager (or like a grown ass gay blogger from the San Gabriel Valley) does. Something in the milk ain't clean. That's not a girl named Sarah. That's Cody Lohan covered in the essence of Ellen Page, an Amish boy wig and the eyeglasses of a professional poker player from the late 90s! I can almost see the edge of the cue card White Oprah is holding up.
And please spend a few minutes (or hours, or days) with Sarah's Flickr page, because she has posed with every single celebwhore on the planet. You decide whether or not you can trust a girl who is severely dedicated to making the same facial expression and head tilt in every single picture she takes.
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This is when you give whores and douchbags airspace and they get famous for their antics - losers and nobodies scramble for a platform to get their 15 minutes. Thank you Parisite and Speidi.
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 12:03pm.
Sarah M.
@SarahMOnline
A.k.a. Stalker Sarah ;) Thanks to my awesome followers - I was the #1 Worldwide Trending Topic on Jan. 27th. & 1 million + hits on my photos the same weekend.
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So ambitious, that Sarah. #scary
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http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfys8kqJ8j1qclsb4o1_250.gif
Sumfing is wrong with this child.
Sarah M.
@SarahMOnline
A.k.a. Stalker Sarah ;) Thanks to my awesome followers - I was the #1 Worldwide Trending Topic on Jan. 27th. & 1 million + hits on my photos the same weekend.
¨¨
So ambitious, that Sarah. #scary
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 11:54am.
You know, when I was getting my shit together after my "issues" I disappeared from life. No one saw me except my family. No clubs, no restaurants, NOTHING. Became a hermit to get my shit together.
Blohan is neither clean nor sober. With such a highly functioning addiction, there is no way she has the ability to go to clubs surrounded by booze and drugs and NOT partake.
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FALSE! Ms. Lohan is above us all and has the willpower to look those empty alcohol bottles in the face and say "HA! I BEAT YOU!"
Really though, sometimes the best way to clear your head and get your act together is to just stuff yourself away (in her case she has the means and freedom to be able to do this for a long time), so your hermitage story is spot on.
PSL - Holley is a lawyer. She dont give a shit as long as the check clears.
I hope Shawn Chapman Holley is really fucking proud of herself for keeping this piece of shit out of jail and on the streets driving. When she kills someone, it will be partially HER fault.
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You better speak up now, if you want your piece
You better speak up now, it won't mean a thing later
Yesterday's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper
Both these bitches need to get their asses home and get some tutoring!
ha ha she's called Sarah the Stalker,,,,,
"Soooo, I was creeping through Stalker Sarah’s pictures.
& someone left a comment on one of them saying,
“Omfg you got a new shirt!!!!!!!!!!!”
I actually laughed out loud at that.
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
You know, when I was getting my shit together after my "issues" I disappeared from life. No one saw me except my family. No clubs, no restaurants, NOTHING. Became a hermit to get my shit together.
Blohan is neither clean nor sober. With such a highly functioning addiction, there is no way she has the ability to go to clubs surrounded by booze and drugs and NOT partake.
"and then I was like "HUH?"
"and then I was all "What?"
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Buys this tragedy some Q-tips and a thesaurus. Also buys her some hair dye because she's got that not brown/not blonde hair I cannot stand.
Also co-sign what TheBreakdown wrote.
Lindsay gave that Sarah girl some drugs so she'd lie for her.
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You better speak up now, if you want your piece
You better speak up now, it won't mean a thing later
Yesterday's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper
oh lord, now people are taking pictures with HER!
http://oceanup.com/2010/04/07/sarah-m-online-grove-fan-meeting
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
guest, i DID see that Kim K pic. She is so ridiculous.
I really really really want Linds to get hers already.
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You better speak up now, if you want your piece
You better speak up now, it won't mean a thing later
Yesterday's news is tomorrow's fish and chip paper
Is she willing to say the same thing in court under oath?
Hahaha M.E.!! And PSL she switched seats because how can you do lines off the dashboard with a steering wheel in the way? Think woman! lol
OT: psl have you seen that pic Kim K "tweeted" of herself the other day or nite when she couldn't sleep? You just have to see it. She is so fos!!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Why does this asshat even try to drive anymore? If the paps are always after her as she claims, why does she put herself in that position? Why keep wrecking cars?
For that matter, why does she even go out? I thought she was such a homebody.
Who goes out to DA CLUB after community service? Why does she CONSTANTLY put herself in a position where she is forced to defend herself? Wouldn't one want to fly under the radar until one is entirely 'out of the system' in order to avoid any suspicion of wrongdoing whatsoever?
*blank stare* So many questions. Isn't this just common sense?
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
and what kind of name is Sarah Monline anyway?
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"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 11:08am.
wtf does having been at community service have to do with UP IN DA CLUB at midnight? lol fucking crack head tourettes. FREEBASE! *flail*
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SHE'S WALKING ON SUNSHIIIIIIIINE!!!!
Sarah M either does a ho stroll around LAX 24/7 or is taking Photoshop as her junior year elective in high school. Either way, bish is one upload away from a restraining order.
Really Linds? then WHY did you switch seats with your friend so she'd drive/
WHY did a bunch of people see it happen?
Sober up, you fucking loser.
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This is not about love
'Cause I am not in love
In fact i cant stop falling out
I miss that stupid ache
-Fiona Apple
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 11:31am.
You people make me sick picking on an innocent CHILD! You must all be white men.
****
Or single mother LOSERS who can't possibly understand how to properly raise a CHILD without a man in the picture.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
You people make me sick picking on an innocent CHILD! You must all be white men.
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"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012
We are some dectective la toyas up in hereah! lol
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Good pics though!
I realize I need to stop reading the D on my phone. Duh, photoshop. She needs to photoshop herself a boyfriend/girlfriend instead. Yeah, that's less crazy.
I agree, she does look photoshopped in 90% of her pics.
thank you mb!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
has anyone seen the funny animal videos narrated by Randall....so wishes he would do one on this bitch! shit would be highlarious
Snowho...right?! No one looks exactly the same every single day.
olol @ u & rob.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Most of those Flikr pictures are Photoshopped. Her expression, angle, and clothes never change and in some cases you can see her image overlapping the celeb she's supposedly standing next to!
Who is her dad? Famous producer?
guest, I just looked at like 5 pages of her pics and I decided it has to be some trick of photoshop, she's like exactly the same in every pic
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Did Lindzay ever learn how to drive & does she even have valid license? *runs from thread & gets life*
*runs back in* & where is Nana!!!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Does this bitch only own ONE shirt?
mike, she's 16! That's 47 in Hollywood years.
a) looks like ashley simpson b) could have mad photo shop skills since she seems to be wearing the same thing in every pic.
edit derp
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
LOL SHUT IT Jack! I and didn't do those photoshops, my friends did, LOL
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Did her community service involve sipping the last drops of alcohol from the empties and picking them up? Dumb ass.
And this Sarah chick - talk about a hobby turned weird. Future pap/stalker in the making? Get a real hobby - decoupage, coin collecting, shit, anything besides taking pictures of celebwhores.
Holy fuck she has a lot of pictures! and she's wearing the same damn shirt and jacket in almost all of them...
*plays Buckcherry's 'Crazy Bitch'*
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"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012
If she's a celebrity hanger-on, you think she'd do better than sporting those ghey grandpa glasses, Justin Bieber's next hairdo for a "roll" and a Tokio Hotel tee shirt she probably bought online.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
she was at community service? then hit the clubs? what is the relevance of her mentioning CS?
she's an idiot. I saw a clip of her on Extra pulling in to the Chateau Moron soon after and she nearly runs over a guy standing outside the car valet area and he yelled something like hey you almost ran me over. Then she gets out of the car, totally ignoring him not a care in the world.
I wanna hear how she wrecked the side of her Porsche. And why it's not in the shop getting fixed.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 11:06am.
OOOOMy goodness kinda like those chicks in New Yawk that have their picture taken with celebs and call Bret their boyfriend or shop their face in with Bawstin Rahb.... :P
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"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012
Who is this Sarah M and how does she have almost 30,000 Twitter followers. "Here I am at George Clooney's After-Oscar Party" "Here I am on the set of Two and a Half Men" "Here I am...."
Some industry brat child.
FUCK!!! THIS TWIT HAS A PIC WITH MAKS
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
wtf does having been at community service have to do with UP IN DA CLUB at midnight? lol fucking crack head tourettes. FREEBASE! *flail*
She must be the kid of some rich azz producer or some shiz.
Submitted by islandgirl on Thu, 03/15/2012 - 10:59am.
This Sarah person needs to get her ass in school and stop with the 'star' chasing. AND she needs to retire that leather jacket STAT!
How old is that thing? She looks like she could be anywhere from 20 to in her 40s. That's not a compliment.
Well you can't blame a ho for trying...
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#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.