Beware, if you’re drinking room-temperature apple juice or warm, still beer, this mess right here will make you look at your glass with wary eyes. TLC (The Lawdthesebitchesarecrazy Channel) once again challenges your vomit reflex with their latest episode of My Strange Addiction, which features a woman who considers her own piss as the nectar of the heavens. The bathroom at a stadium is like a Hometown Buffet to her ass. Her bladder is like boxed wine and her pee hole is like the spigot. Etc.. etc…
Carrie is a cancer patient who hasn’t been to a doctor in years, because she believes she can heal the sicks with the natural medicinal powers of piss. The Linda Hamilton impersonator tells her friend, who should really get her own episode for being addicted to Ogilvie home perms, that she drinks her piss, snorts her piss, bathes in her piss and uses her piss as eye drops. Carrie’s piss is even like Dr. Bronner’s to her, because she uses it in her hair, on her skin and to brush her teeth. Ho is piss crazy! You know Kim Kardashian’s lawyers are putting together a lawsuit against Carrie for stealing her trademarked beauty regimen.
If a ho wants to guzzle on a golden shower, let her guzzle on a golden shower. It doesn’t effect me unless I pass out in front of Carrie and she has to give me mouth-to-mouth. (But I’ve put my mouth on dirtier things, so whatever.) But isn’t it really boring drinking the same brand of bladder wine all day, every day? “So Carrie, what are you having for dinner tonight?” “Well, Denise, I’m having a goblet of fine piss that’s been aging in my bladder for the past 40 minutes.” BORING! Carrie should spice her piss up a bit. Stir a little Crystal Light in there. Better yet, fill a blender with piss, tequila, ice, a splash of lime and have yourself a refreshing urine margarita! If Carrie really wants to get wild, she can nibble on some asparagus and take her tongue on an exotic journey to ew. Because if you’re going to drink piss, you might as well have fun with it (© R. Kelly)!
And if you’re judging Carrie, ask yourself this, “Have I ever knowingly put Milwaukee’s Best on my tongue?” Yeah, so don’t act like you’re better, bitch.