Jessica Simpson's Baby Will Be Born With Wings!
Daisy Joelina, Slutty Brownie, Kenna Paves (never 4get) and Hunts Point Baloo (if she used the same baby name generator Ashlee Simpson used for Bronx Mowgli) were just some of the names I guessed when Jessica Simpson told Elle Magazine that she and Eric Johnson have already come up with a name for their unborn 4-year-old daughter. Jessica said that the name isn't going to make hos cross their eyes and it'll make sense to some. Well, InTouch Weekly claims they know the name and it makes sense, but it's also making me menstruate out an LOL.
“They tossed around a lot of names, including some wacky ones like Zinfandel, but couldn’t agree on anything,” a family friend confides.“They’re going to call her Maxwell, Maxi for short,” the friend says. Maxwell is Eric’s middle name, and also his beloved grandma’s maiden name. “Jessica wanted a name with meaning.”
And not only has Jessica’s been seen wearing a necklace with a diamond “M” pendant in honor of her little bundle of joy, the couple also already ordered onesies monogrammed with the name! Jessica, 31, is now set to give birth on April 20, three weeks earlier than her original due date. “She’s gained so much weight and the baby is so big that doctors pushed up the date,” reveals her friend.
Jessica really had to fuck with a kid by giving her the nickname of Maxi! MAXI. Does anybody even use maxi pads anymore? Couldn't they have been a little more modern by naming their daughter Diva Cup Johnson or Kotex Johnson? They should just scribble down the name Maxi Pad on her birth certificate, because that's what everybody's going to call her. But let me think about this for a second.
Whenever I hear a baby name, I judge it by picturing the name in glitter on a poster hanging in the window of a gay bar on drag night. If the name lures me into the drag show, it's a winner. If the name leaves me cold and convinces me to eat frozen yogurt on the curb instead, shit is a dud. So, let me try it out:
*MAXI PAD JOHNSON*
Okay, I'd probably go in.
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that baby isn't really due until May?!? unbelievable
she's already the size of 2 Mama Casses (big difference being that Cass could actually sing) ...
she's obviously bulking up for her Weight Watchers contract - easier to lose more weight more dramatically - which is really sad she would bring more risk to a pregnancy by intentionally matching the weight of a pregnant hippo
she's an uneducated, unsophisticated, unfashionable braindead skank ... how did being unmarried, untalented and pregnant work out for your sister, dimwit?
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
.
*just to clarify*
I don't look like Serena Williams, lol. Just don't have thighs that have a ten inch circumference :)
*that is all*
Dog, *butting in* I always say I wouldnt run if the devil himself was chasing me. I tried running but it makes me cry. I like yoga and swimming. Nice calm activities that still work you put and give you nice lean shapely muscles.
But Mr. Hekki took up running in a serious way and he's thinner than he's been since I met him. Men are like that, though.
I've been a MK lover for 5 years but had to log in to comment on this one.
I'm built just like Jess. I work my assets off to maintain size 2/4 and I'm only 5'2". When I was pregnant, I looked EXACTLY the way she looks now. She's over 200 lbs, IMO. I gained 85 lbs and ate the same way Jess seems to be eating. I was 213 at 7 months. I got gestational diabetes and my doc PUT ME ON A DIET. I was 208 when I delivered, and my Isabella only weighed 6.7 lbs!
My daughter was 6 weeks early and had to stay in the NICU 5 days :(. I'm sure it was due to the weight gain.
Jess's docs need to step in and tell her to stop with the slut brownies. And the name Maxi isn't as bad as the other rumor I'd heard that she was combining hers and baby daddy's names and naming this baby JERICA!
***I'm only one stomach flu away from my goal weight***
Dog, its my version of a daily nerve pill-true facts.
Submitted by little_rascal on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:38pm.
Oops, sorry Piper, I got comments all confused. So you've got 4 boys? That's so awesomely special!
It gets hard to follow along in here sometimes!
Yes, ranging from 16 - almost 2. They keep you running, huh?
Sign me up also for the shiny hair, glowing skin, all around awesomeness of pregnancy pics.
Turt, unless you're chasing me with a deadly weapon and intending to use it, you couldn't pay me to run anywhere.
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Hoof, HUGS! Don't let your past rob you of your future, kee-rect?
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
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Dog, lucky you!! I'm not super bulky, just built more like a gymnast than a marathon runner. But I'm currently covering a distance of seven miles in 60 minutes so I'm not gonna complain too much!
yeah, charlie, you don't fool us with the landwhale shit, you're a softie!!
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I have never loved life so much.
It's true about (some) pregos being beautiful. I worked with this mousy, skinny, rather plain Irish girl. She worked in another office and I wouldn't see her for months on end. Well, I had heard she was pregnant but when I saw her on my next visit down at her office, I literally did not recognize her.
She looked gorgeous. Healthy looking, shiny bouncy hair, round rosy face, shining eyes. It was the most incredible transformation I'd ever seen. She was stunning as a pregnant lady.
One of my favorite photos of me was taken when I was knocked up with my middle child. *sigh*
aww I love you, dog!!
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I have never loved life so much.
Jessica, who has morphed into Sally Struthers, is pulling some Phaedra Parks shit.
Submitted by Haribo on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:48pm.
maxwell house? naaaaaaah! ;/
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♫ The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup ♫
Hoof, I'm sure you're still pretty. Don't sell yourself short.
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Charlie, you're a treasure. I hope Landwhale knows that.
Dog
okay, thank God. LOL
Charlie
I agree, I was looking at pictures of me pregnant and my hair and skin were so healthy and shiny it was sick. I was so pretty.
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I have never loved life so much.
Maxie? Shame on you people. Why don't they just name her loser? It's the same thing.
SeeYouNextTuesday: I was at a birthday party where all the party favors were personalized. There was one that said "Analyze" and I was like "huh?"
Then later I met the kid's mom. It was her "kreative" way of spelling "Annaliese". Fucking DUH.
maxwell house? naaaaaaah! ;/
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
I wish that she'd throw an 'e' on the end, for Pete's sake.
Maxie is kind of cute. Maxi = pad, and I'm one of the five people that still wears them.
OMG, Hoof, those aren't the names of MY kids! I was being goofy! BWAHAHAHAH! Oh hell to the NO!
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ESE!!! Hello and thank you love! I will try to catch you in a bit<3
i'll tell you. there ain't nothing in the world more beautiful than a pregnant woman. not any flower, song, color, anything. she is absolutely gorgeous. she will have quite a bit of weight to lose after the delivery, but still.
Turt, I'm a shorty as well. But I don't bulk up, thankfully.
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Dog, I really love you and has no prob. with you, but for the love of God pick better names for your kids...
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I have never loved life so much.
Gobbler has 2 boys and that's all folks.
I had been feeling really ill in the morning, so ppl at work thought I was pregnant. I thought that would be awesome, seeing as Mr. G had a vasectomy and I had a hysterectomy.
Just think of the book and movie deals! j/k
Dog, thanks!
I've been down on myself lately cause when I first started running I wanted those lean sleek thighs some runners have. well it ain't happening!! Too much muscle on a short girl!
brb yo.
Dog, thanks!
I've been down on myself lately cause when I first started running I wanted those lean sleek thighs some runners have. well it ain't happening!! Too much muscle on a short girl!
brb yo.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:32pm.
Submitted by mike on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:28pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:19pm.
Archer for a girl and Ryder for a boy.
I hope you're better at naming your animals. :)
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Owwwwwww! Hey, I bought that basil spray. Good stuff
I still haven't seen it (though I admit I've only remembered to look for it at one store).
Fucking moooooooooooooo already.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Lord I hope for the baby's sake that it's just a joke designed to throw everyone off. Maxi? No way.
It's also absolute bullshit that any reputable doctor would schedule a C-section three weeks early just because the baby is guesstimated to be "big". No, sorry, that's not how it works. Maybe there is some other medical reason, but that's not it.
I also call a giant pile of bullshit on this story because April 20 is Hitler's birthday and I really doubt it's a popular elective c-section date, as a result. I just doubt that.
Submitted by TurtReturns on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:26pm.
got a 10 miler and a half marathon coming up
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*trick for the last bit, when you just feel like it isn't happening*... look at your feet... it might seem dumb, but it works!... as long as you center on one foot in front of the other the rest just fades away.
what?... you don't believe me?... my father ran Boston twice, NY once, and a bunch of other 26ers that i can't think of at the moment, i also used to run... before i came to the conclusion that i needn't run unless chased!LOL!
luck to ya, Turt!
OT: wait a second!... this isn't OP!... how did i get in here?!?!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
She has morphed into Sally Struthers. Gloria...
Her baby is big? No, honey. That's fat as a result of eating EVERYTHING in fucking sight because you think it's socially acceptable and cute.
Submitted by Piper on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:21pm.
Oops, sorry Piper, I got comments all confused. So you've got 4 boys? That's so awesomely special!
Turt, if you do the same class with the same leader, it gets easier. It's just really hard to follow at first because they don't show you what to do first and they don't slow down to let you catch up. You dive right in and do your best.
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:02pm.
As long as she doesn't name it some variation of Aidan (Jayden, Kayden, Brayden, Aiyedan, Radon). That is one trend that needed to die yesterday.
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Someone here named their kid Zaiden!
Dog-word. I never tried it cause I knew id be incapable. Good for you!!
:D
Submitted by mike on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:28pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:19pm.
Archer for a girl and Ryder for a boy.
I hope you're better at naming your animals. :)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Owwwwwww! Hey, I bought that basil spray. Good stuff!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Turt, that sounds hectic but fun.
I'm good, thanks. Tired. Started Zumba finally. I am nowhere near as coordinated as I thought I was.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 03/14/2012 - 8:19pm.
Archer for a girl and Ryder for a boy.
I hope you're better at naming your animals. :)
Jesus Christ, don't name your kid Maxwell. I never met a Max I liked, or a Kameron. I loathe both those names from the deepest depths of my heartless soul. Truth is I knew a guy named Maxwell who claimed he graduated from Harvard and would brag about how many degrees he had, come to find out the guy had a girlfriend named Kameron who was this really nerdy girl with a face like Sandra Bernhardt. Yeah, I Facebook stalked him, tis how I found out then emailed her about how he was coming over to my house taking bubble baths and smoking "jay-birds" in bed with me every Tuesday for like 3 or 4 months(what he called them, found this so obnoxious). No, I'm not bitter, in a much better relationship, but since this day, when I see the word Maxwell it makes me cringe in revulsion.
Dog-BUSY and TIRED!! got a 10 miler and a half marathon coming up plus grad school doins...papers, presenting at a research conference, blah blah...not to mention kids n husband!! But its all good!
How YOU doin!?
Her rationale for the name is sound.
That said, I think it sucks. The name Maxie makes think of an old Vaudevillian still trying to get by on her sex appeal. :(
Hola, Turt! How you be?
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
What up Dawg!!! (Dog:) )
Gobbler, you have four boys? I'm in awe.
I have two boys, with old-fashioned names Jonathan and David. :o)
I don't know how many boys Gobbler has, but I've got four :-)
We went traditional with their middle names; they share mn's with their grandfathers and in the case of the youngest, his mn is the male version of his paternal grandma's mn.
www.rickspringfield.com