Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 14, 2012 / Posted by:

Frank Lloyd Roberts*, the country’s premiere *Leonardo DiCaprio impersonator! I know, Frank Lloyd Roberts looks so much like Leonardo DiCatchAHo that you’d’ think he’d be making millions of dollars in gay porn by conning Sports Illustrated models into thinking he’s the real thing so he can rob them of their fortunes, but instead he’s sharing his face with the public. If you missed Frank Lloyd Roberts at the Lincoln Women’s Expo (or forgot to bring your camera, you should’ve read the sign twice!), you can get his autograph on a Titanic DVD for the price of a Nissan Versa or two pairs of Kanye shoes. The mess that is Groupon has this offer you can’t refuse:

$12,500 for a signed Titanic DVD and 13-day ocean voyage with tour of the Titanic (a $59,680 value); departs from St. John’s, Newfoundland, on July 26 and returns August 8

The film Titanic was more than an excuse for director James Cameron to meet his idol, Celine Dion. It was also an account of an actual event, the 1912 sinking of the RMS Titanic. A century after the infamous shipwreck, Deep Ocean Expeditions is offering a once-in-a-lifetime package: a DVD signed by professional Leonardo DiCaprio impersonator Frank Lloyd Roberts—and the chance to descend 2 miles into the depths of the icy North Atlantic to see the “unsinkable” ocean liner at her final resting place.

A team of scientists, engineers, and RMS Titanic historians will be on hand for the 13-day expedition on a large support ship, which sets sail July 26 from St. John’s, Newfoundland.

Screw, Leonardo DiCaprio’s autograph! I want Frank Lloyd Roberts’ autograph! But instead of sitting through a boring 13-day ocean voyage to get my DVD signed by Frank Lloyd Roberts (which is the only reason I’d go), can I just pay him to paint me like one of his Missouri girls (he’s from Missouri, of course) wearing this and only this? (I’m wearing grey sweats, a Dollywood t-shirt and polka dot socks, by the way.)

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