Whoever that girl’s parents are did a wonderful job in raising her, because while sitting in a classroom for hours can teach you how to sleep with your eyes open and conquer the art of looking like you give a fuck when you have no fucks to give, it cannot teach you how to properly read a trick by twerking your eyeballs to the left. That priceless skill can only be taught at home, so that girl’s parents can come up to the podium to accept their award, because they have already taught her everything she needs to know in life!
The Hunger Games premiere happened in L.A. last night and some fans waited overnight for that shit, which is why that junior shade thrower up there launched a warm “I slept on the sidewalk all night just to stand next to an Alvin with titties-looking ho in Shakira’s old outfit?!” side-eye at Miley. You know, on second thought, maybe I’m giving that little girl and her parents too much credit. Maybe she’s not reading Miley. Maybe her eyes locked into the bliss position after getting contact high from the weed fumes wafting off of Miley’s stoner ass.
Miley normally looks like she’s been chewing the rust off of the Piggly Wiggly shopping cart that her mama je’e uses as a planter in the front yard, so this whole Gypsies, Tramps & Teefs look is a few steps up for her. Somebody finally told Miley to work her best assets: her hillbilly titty balls and her double wide teefs.
Here’s more from last night’s premiere where Miley went as Liam Hemsworth’s plus one, but probably disappeared halfway into it to pass a joint with Woody Harrleson under the concession table. In order!: Liam Hemsworth, an apple head chipmunk, an anime horse with Brandi Cyrus, Elizabeth Banks, Wes Bentley with his wife, Woody Harrelson with his wife Laura, Peeta Bread, Jennifer Lawrence (wearing some gold leafed shit that I’d rather see on Carmen Carrera), Leven Rambin, Cody Simpson, Donald Sutherland and panty creamer of the morning Stanley Tucci.