Halle Berry’s Engagement Ring Tells A Beautiful Story. Barf.

Olivier Martinez made it clear that he’s riding shotgun without a helmet on the crazy train by confirming to reporters at the opening of his restaurant in Miami that he’s engaged to Halle “I Will Never Get Married Again” Berry. Olivier should’ve given Halle a suicide pill ring, so that when she’s choking him out during one of their many fights, he can end his misery by leaning over to chew his way to a quick death. But instead, Olivier gave Halle an emerald ring he made with jooree designer Robert Mazlo.

A source type tells UsWeekly that Olivier wanted to give Halle the “most beautiful ring ever made” and also wanted it mean something. Olivier took some ancient mystical quiz called the “Alchemy Test,” which is made up of several questions asking for Halle’s favorite colors, numbers and shapes. Robert Mazlo decoded the answers to design the perfect emerald ring which tells Halle and Oliver’s story.

Isn’t that special? I’m guessing that the emerald represents the color Halle will turn when she busts into a jealous rage after watching Olivier innocently talk to another trick. The diamond represents the maniacal twinkle in Halle’s eye. The yellow gold represents the jaundice Olivier and Halle will suffer from after they suck the life out of each other. Robert Mazlo is right! That ring is perfect.

The source says that the ring is one-of-a-kind and I say that it’s something you can get at QVC for just 4 easy payments of $29.99.

Speaking of precious gems, here’s rare crazy diamond Victoria Silvstedt at the opening of Olivier’s new restaurant in Miami over the weekend.