A Dirt Star Is Born
The ten millionth remake of A Star is Born is turning out to be an idea as good as butt fucking a popsicle in the middle of August. It's going to have the same outcome too. Clint Eastwood has already signed on to direct and Beyonce is going to take the Judy Garland/Barbra Streisand role, and now Tommy Girl is in talks to play the has-been rock star. Yup, this is going to be a puddle of shit, sugar water and ice cold regrets.
Deadline says that Tommy and Clint have had several conversations about him taking the lead opposite Beyonce. Once the pillow baby-inflected velcro burns on Beyonce's belly heal, she'll be ready to start making Razzie history. Beyonce could be ready as soon as June, but Tommy's plate is full with two other movies. Clint has also considered Will Smith, Christian Bale, Leonardo DiCatchaHo, Russell Crowe and Eminem (???).
Tommy and Beyonce has to be the weirdest pairing since toothpaste and blowjobs. Beyonce's lacefront emotes more raw emotion on a movie screen than she does and Tommy as her lovah is just a whole new level of awkward. I bet Tommy only wants to do this shit, because he really wants Beyonce to teach him the Single Ladies dance. Tommy, it ain't worth it. Sashay away from this mess and take your black catsuit with you.
• 
Dementia is a helluva drug.
This derp is starting to look like his boyfriend, Miscavige.
This will flop like the suefle I tried to make for dinner last night.
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
Wow, Tommy looks old here. That raised eyebrow makes his left eye look weird, like he had some sort of blasphemy (you know, that procedure that fucks up your droopy eyelids). The skin on his neck has become so thin he's getting wattles when he turns his head. I don't care if he stretches it tighter than a sphincter stretched over a fire hydrant, it looks old. And his neck is really thin. Is that weight loss or just old age?
You can dye your hair, but it just accentuates the fakeness. Coloring hair that has lost its suppleness and become thin and wooley is not the answer.
The thing that scares me is I'm not far behind Tommy. If this is the best he can look with all his money, I might as well get fitted for a paper bag.
blasphemy?!?
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
That photo is too close-up. Yikes.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 4:14pm.
Wow, that's my kind of problem! I wish I could help! So how DO you pronounce Phnom Penh? What's it like there?
*puffs own stash* ;)
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I suspect the reason Bey is even in the running for this film is because the studio behind this is Sony, which also owns bey's record label.
The studio is pushing their "star" on Clint, but he knows that Beyowulf isn't a big enough name or talent to carry this film, which is why he keeps looking for an A-list male lead.
What I suspect will happen:
Every viable A-list male will pass on this crap-fest, and Clint isn't going to jeopardize his reputation by relying solely on beyonce, so he'll drop out eventually.
The film will get made by some half-assed director that nobody knows, and will co-star some unknown male.
There will be tons of hype, mostly from the beyonce machine, in the form of publicity stunts, promoting the soundtrack/her latest album release, calling herself the co-director of the film, bragging she directed the music videos, stealing ideas for videos and performances from other entertainers, insisting she deserves an oscar and that she worked hard on her non-acting, a television/thanksgiving special, multiple album re-releases, bragging that her clothing line provided the costumes for the film, and other assorted fuckery.
Beyonce will be shit, and the film will quickly fade from theaters.
The stans will, of course, insist that bey/the film was amazing, and bey's team will come up with some made-up statistics to "prove" that it was a "hit" (something like it's the first film starring an African-American woman to top theaters in Iceland).
The film will somehow avoid getting a shit-ton of razzies, but hopefully will put the nail in the coffin of beyonce's acting career.
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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
Yes, Bigbendy, I saw it, love the man! Hafta look back to see but someone posted a delicious link to him posing artisticly that made my temperature rise hehehehe! Yours is lovely on a lazy Sat. afternoon! ;)
♥---♥---♥
"Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people." J. Goldwater
Deb:
I am presently in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where I have a sack of grass almost bigger than my head that I must somehow smoke up before I fly to Bangkok on Tuesday.
What will I do?!
*puff*
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Well, Gandy is dandy!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Deb on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 4:01pm
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Deb, thanks. It is David Gandy, a very hot British model.I love the D&G
Light Blue ad he does in his tight white speedos.
Breakdown, "The Rose" sucked the first time. I know because I've watched it at least 10 times! Hey, where are you cooling your heels now, resident musician/adventurer?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Bigbendy, yeah, why not? Good ideas! I know there are some young hip-hop dudes who act, but I don't know their names.
BTW, what a yummy avie you have!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Foxxy Brown:
They have been trying to remake 'The Rose' for years now too. By the time they greenlight it, Pink will be too old. But she'd be perfect for it!
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Nobody needs this.
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"That's an awfully high horse sir, may I pet him?"
Of all the wonderful novels that are out there... some being published right this second... Hollywood just keep remaking its own dirty asshole in hopes for a few bucks.
Submitted by Deb on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 3:44pm.
I think it would be cool to do a remake where the young man is the up-and-comer, and the female is the fading star.
Prospects for female lead:
Sharon Stone
Madonna
Demi Moore
Whitney Houston would have been great for the part, had she survived
Paula Adbul
who else?
Prospects for the male lead:
I can't think of anybody. Help?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
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Deb, .how about any of the Jonas bros or Labeaver Lollolol
Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 2:59pm.
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WR, the man can do no wrong.....never takes a bad picture, and gets better with age. He is a hottie. Did you see when MK had his photo up for BirthdaySluts?
I think it would be cool to do a remake where the young man is the up-and-comer, and the female is the fading star.
Prospects for female lead:
Sharon Stone
Madonna
Demi Moore
Whitney Houston would have been great for the part, had she survived
Paula Adbul
who else?
Prospects for the male lead:
I can't think of anybody. Help?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
@ The Breakdown --
i thought we'd save Pink for "The Rose" . . . ;-)
@ Breakdown; *smacks forehead* Jennifer Hudson can act for sure and has an Oscar to prove it. She would be PERFECT for this.
Why Beyonce? Last I heard they were looking at people like Lea Michele, but they landed on Beyonce? Seems rather random. I think Beyonce is seeing this as her Oscar movie since Jennifer Hudson stole the show in Dream Girls.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
Tammy looks like an elderly homosexual with a tight face/neck lift......which is exactly which she is!
As long as this takes focus off of that Bodyguard remake they were trying to pull off with Rihanna as the lead, I dont care __________________________________
"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
Lassie, now there's a classic they should remake! Any thoughts on the leads?
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Of the current pop tricks, I think Alicia Keys, Jennifer Hudson, Pink even..could pull it off. They are also commercially viable enough to draw a wider audience, BUT...Beyonce would draw an even wider audience despite poorer acting skills. Hell, I'd even give Lady Gaga or Katy Perry a chance before Bey. I'm not hatin' on Bey, but the girl just cannot act. Clint may get a decent performance out of her. If anyone can do it, he can.
There might be ALOT of takes and he may die on set waiting!
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Beyonce's method acting is doing wide eyes at every line and following up with the open mouth smile. How she dances, I don't know because on the screen she has no timing. Not seeing a very bright future for actresses in Hollywood. There's no sign of a Meryl, a Babara or even a Marilyn in the younger crowd. It's looking pretty dismal.
Hip Hip Hurrraaay, for Beyonce fans everywhere!!! How can we work Nicki Minaj and Katie Perry into this spectacular?
Hollyweird needs new blood. Eastwood is going to direct and be on a reality show? How versatile.
Dear Hollywood,
May I suggest Gone with the Wind with Lindsay Lohan and Robert RPatz.
Thanks.
cowjam: Krueger is going on my reading list. Thanks!
Miz and Foxxy: Excellent suggestions. See, Hollywood? That wasn't so difficult.
Jerks.
ugh. there's a face that could curdle milk.
do not like. never have. never will.
Speaking of "toothpaste and blowjobs" I like the thought Tommygirl in heels and black unitard doing her Single Ladies dance! Clint could really give A Star a new interpretation by casting Jared Leto instead of Beowulf, the chemistry would be perfect! It'd prick up the ears, for sure! haha
Bigbendy, your Gandy(?) avi is giving me the sweats... ;p
♥---♥---♥
"Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people." J. Goldwater
Submitted by MrrKat on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 2:14pm.
Actually ,the original movie dates back to the 30's with Frederick March and Janet Gaynor. Garland was in the 1950's remake, Streisand in the 70's.
Submitted by Hekki on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 2:17pm.
Yeah Beyonce will suck, but who could do it? There aren't too many musical superstars who can act. The only ones i can think of are old-timey fag hags: Cher, Barbra, Liza, Bette Midler, Dolly Parton
Can anyone think of a modern day ho who can pull it off?
I'm drawing a blank.
Can Gaga act?
ETA: Alicia Keys - can she act?
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I'm sure there are plenty of Broadway folks who could pull it off. We just don't know about them because they aren't former Disney/Momager hos or reality stars. I get that they probably want a "big name", but Clint Eastwood is already attached, that's instant recognition.
I like the previous suggestions of Idina Menzel or Audra McDonald.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Unless you count "The Artist," there hasn't been a remake of ASIB in 35 years. I have no objection to updating it for a new generation. How about casting Eminem and Alicia Keys? Anyway, they'd better come to a decision soon - Eastwood is 81 years old!
Does anyone in Hollywood know how to read a book? I just finished reading a couple of William Kent Krueger's, and thinking what great movies they would be. Beautiful scenery, well-drawn characters, suspense. Especially for a great director like Clint Eastwood. A Star is Born? Clint Eastwood? Just.No.
Too bad Tommy Lee Jones is too old to play Cork O'Connor, but that would be a great breakout role for someone.
@LaChaylo --
thanks for the tip --had to go find it:
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/409944/march-05-2...
Submitted by Hekki on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 2:02pm.
Oh brother.
I haven't seem Beyonce act in anything but I can just imagine. Craptacular!
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I've only seen her in Austin Powers Goldmember. Which is kind of funny because Tom Cruise had a cameo as "movie" Austin. Anyway, this is a bad idea on both counts, which means of course that it absolutely will happen.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Do you hear that rumbling sound off in the distance? It's Janet Gaynor and Judy Garland spinning in their graves.
Beyonce???????????? Why her? I know I am not going to see that train wreck. Even LLohan would be better in that role....
Idina Menzel!
Audra is a fab suggestion as well.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 2:20pm.
@Hekki --
Audra McDonald. Broadway superstar
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LOVE her. She was recently on the Colbert Report and sung with Stephen. My gawd, her voice is gorgeous.
@Hekki --
Audra McDonald. Broadway superstar
Gag!
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 1:58pm.
Why, MrrKat, are you implying that I have poor taste for liking the Streisand/Krisstofferson version of this movie?
*has anger attack miss Piggy style and leaves thread slamming the door*
LOL, oh no, Mickey! Not at all! My original comment was on how accurate your "sacrilege" comment is. I too like the Streisand (original?) version, and see no reason for anyone to try & outdo a classic.
[frowning like Kermie]
Yeah Beyonce will suck, but who could do it? There aren't too many musical superstars who can act. The only ones i can think of are old-timey fag hags: Cher, Barbra, Liza, Bette Midler, Dolly Parton
Can anyone think of a modern day ho who can pull it off?
I'm drawing a blank.
Can Gaga act?
ETA: Alicia Keys - can she act?
Streisand is going to stick a stiletto up Clint's ass