Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 9, 2012 / Posted by:

Marilyn Hagerty, the writer of the Eatbeat column in North Dakota’s Grand Forks Herald who became a breakout Internet star yesterday when her review of her city’s hottest and most beautiful restaurant The Olive Garden made the rounds on Twitter and Facebook. You should really read Marilyn’s entire review, but here’s a taste of her tour through Italy:

After a lengthy wait for Olive Garden to open in Grand Forks, the lines were long in February. The novelty is slowly wearing off, but the steady following attests the warm welcome.

My first visit to Olive Garden was during midafternoon, so I could be sure to get in. After a late breakfast, I figured a late lunch would be fashionable.

The place is impressive. It’s fashioned in Tuscan farmhouse style with a welcoming entryway. There is seating for those who are waiting.

My booth was near the kitchen, and I watched the waiters in white shirts, ties, black trousers and aprons adorned with gold-colored towels. They were busy at midday, punching in orders and carrying out bread and pasta.

It had been a few years since I ate at the older Olive Garden in Fargo, so I studied the two manageable menus offering appetizers, soups and salads, grilled sandwiches, pizza, classic dishes, chicken and seafood and filled pastas.

At length, I asked my server what she would recommend. She suggested chicken Alfredo, and I went with that. Instead of the raspberry lemonade she suggested, I drank water.

Marilyn has been reviewing her city’s restaurants (including Pizza Ranch and Taco Bell) for at least 30 years, but it was her recent review of The Olive Garden that got the most attention, because snob whores in bigger cities thought it was cute that she reviewed a chain restaurant. Marilyn’s review got so much attention that the Village Voice and her own paper interviewed her about it. This part from Marilyn’s interview with her paper is like a sprinkling of parmesan on my soul:

Hagerty said her daughter, Gail Hagerty of Bismarck, urged her to read the Facebook comments about her review.

“I told her I’m working on my Sunday column and I’m going to play bridge this afternoon, so I don’t have time to read all this crap,” she said.

Marilyn doesn’t understand why bitches are so into her review and she’s even gotten hate mail from major assholes who called her review “pathetic.”

Who are these pieces of trash throwing hate at an 86-year-old restaurant critic? They ain’t shit for thinking they’re better than her and acting like The Olive Garden isn’t the hottest Italian restaurant in every city from New York to Grand Forks. News flash, whores, it is. A couple of weeks ago, my friend and I tried to fill our stomach bags with delicious rubber noodles and ketchup sauce from The Olive Garden in Chelsea, and the host told us it would be a 45 minute wait and there was no room at the bar to eat. This happens every time I go there and sometimes I grab that vibrator pad, sit on it and wait. So bitches don’t know what they’re talking about.

Fuck the haters, Marilyn. They’re just jealous that you can easily get soup, salad and breadsticks in the mid-afternoon and they have to wait 45 minutes for it. Pity their asses as you bite into a pepperoncini.

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