Lindsay Lohan Is Finally Looking Good
I know, how can I do Goldie Hawn like that especially after I wrote the paps a ticket for mistaking bright shining beauty Debbie Harry for Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan injects her lips with the liquefied remains of her career in hopes that one day she'll be as beautiful as Goldie Hawn. Drop the syringe, LiLo, because you can't touch this. Goldie launched her children's charity, The Hawn Foundation, in London last night and since she's given so much to society, she decided to do something good for herself by donating several bottles of champs to her froat!
Goldie's hair usually looks like a pack of chihuahuas tried to burrow themselves into it, but it was a category 5 mess last night. Bitch's hair was even drunk. I bet if you snipped off a lock of Goldie's hair and dipped it in a glass of Canada Dry, you'd have an instant 100 proof gin and tonic. Even though Goldie forgot how to get into a car and gave a Mad Men extra a free granny poon show, she still looked like a drunk tumbleweed of glamour. Which is more than I can say for Kate Hudson, who looked like a stoned overgrown dwarf.