Bringing A New Meaning To Gross

Lindsay Lohan would fellate a frog for a dime bag (Who wouldn’t, though?) and give Hugh Hefner’s colostomy hole a wet willy for a spread in Playboy, but now she’s really hit the “ground zero desperation” button on life’s elevator by begging perv du jour Terry Richardson to love her. LiLo took her crack poon for a ride on Terry’s pedo stache a few times, but she wants more from him. If you have a carbon monoxide detector near you, it’s probably screeching from thinking about the toxic fumes these two created when they side fucked on Terry’s floor. It’s stories like this that make me wish the image creator in my brain had an off switch.

A source tells Radar that LiLo is burning up Terry’s phone, but even if she was a barely legal American Apparel model, he still wouldn’t want her:

“Lindsay and Terry have been friends for years and she’s always had a thing for him. Lindsay thinks he’s really cool and hip and could be great for her career. They had a major night of passion after they worked on this photo shoot together and now she’s going all out to get her claws into him. But Terry is just not interested in pursuing a relationship with Lindsay and totally regrets hooking up with her.

Lindsay has been texting and phoning him nonstop and he’s actually kind of freaked out by how strong she’s been coming on to him; it’s all pretty unseemly. As Terry said, there’s nothing more unattractive than a desperate woman. It’s a difficult situation though as they move in the same circles and have a lot of mutual friends. He’s trying to work out a way to let her down gently without blowing their friendship.”

Terry is the kind of perv school officials warned you about during assemblies. Dude is like a human version of a white, windowless van. Terry always has a creepy smile plastered over his face that tells you not to look below his flannel shirt or you will see his dick hanging out of his Dickies. Dude has permanent flasher face. A face that makes you scream for an adult. So it take a serious fucked up bitch to freak out that freak. Congratulations, LiLo! You managed to do it. I swear, daddy issues are a helluva drug.