All Of Jessica Simpson's Exes Are Having Babies
Prepare yourselves for a spawn of John Mayer, because with the way things are going his David Duke jizz is going to knock up a ho in no time. It's a terrifying trend! Nick Lachey announced on Live with Kelly (via People) this morning that just like Tony Romo, he's an ex-piece of Jessica Simpson who is going to be somebody's father soon. Nick said that he and his wife Vanessa Minnillo are expecting a baby friend this summer or fall.
"She was in New York and I was in the Bahamas. She went to the store and got a pregnancy test and it came back positive. We're having a baby! This is the one thing that more than any other I've looked forward to, and it's overwhelming.If it's a girl, I think it might be Sophia. If it's a boy, I'm not sure."
Somewhere in California, Papa Joe is trying to lure Jessica's unborn baby out with a deep fried Pop Tart and butter sandwich, because they need to beat Vanessa Minillowhatever and her unborn baby to the cover of People Magazine. But Jessica has been knocked up for so long that Vanessa's going to pop out her second and third kid while a fully developed adult leg hangs out of Jessica's cooch.
But seriously, this is wonderful news, because Nick Lachey's glorious leche mounds should not go to waste. Those man titties were made for breastfeedin'.
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Good for them at least their married and she doesn't look like she's 42 months pregnant.
there is something i really dislike in this girl. If someone could pinpoint it that would be great. Dislike dislike dislike.. perhaps it was f*cking her way to the "career" she has..
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#1. Every other girl is named Sophie nowadays, AGH!
#2. At least they're married!
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Did Nick say if they knew who the father was?
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."
That poor kid is going to have major derp face.
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
Submitted by TheBreakdown on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 4:34pm.
I feel like her snatch entrapped the guy she has latched onto now. And for all that crap she talks about good Christian values...
she's birthin' a bastard!
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You know what they say about preacher's kids...they're the worst ones.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
I really really really like that dress, and Sophia is a lovely name. Goddamnit, MK, there is nothing in this post to snark about!
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"One does not simply walk into Mordor..."
I love them!
well actually we three share the same birthday....so not true love or anything.
Submitted by JeanGenie on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 4:49pm.
About names... when we chose our son's name we made sure it didn't mean anything "bad" in other languages.
I had a friend from London, when she came to Rome for a briefing and in the conference room she enthusiastically said "I'm Philippa, but you can call me Pippa"...... I saw all people childishly trying not to burst in laughters. Pippa is the italian slang for handjob.
I adore the name Penelope, and I'd love to call a daughter Penelope, but my husband hates it because in other countries it's often shortened to Pene, which is the italian for penis.
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TEAM ITALIAN SLANG
Submitted by JeanGenie on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 4:49pm.
About names... when we chose our son's name we made sure it didn't mean anything "bad" in other languages.
I had a friend from London, when she came to Rome for a briefing and in the conference room she enthusiastically said "I'm Philippa, but you can call me Pippa"...... I saw all people childishly trying not to burst in laughters. Pippa is the italian slang for handjob.
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I have a British friend who laughs whenever she meets anyone named Randy.
people, this guy is still relevant because of that fake marriage to jessica simpson. if that wouldnt have happened, there would have been no show and both of them would be obselete. if i had a time machine id go back and stop that shit from happening. i'd also get rid of the guy who obviously punched nick in the face, because that's what he looks like - someone punched him in the face 3 or 4 times.
with that i have to say that not one fuck is given about these two. why does anyone else care?
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"Fatsa or thinsa you still a bitchsa. :p. *poses with arms up for all future picsas* lol" - guest
Sophia what a boring name..... every other kid is named Sophia.
Submitted by JeanGenie on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 4:49pm.
About names... when we chose our son's name we made sure it didn't mean anything "bad" in other languages.
I had a friend from London, when she came to Rome for a briefing and in the conference room she enthusiastically said "I'm Philippa, but you can call me Pippa"...... I saw all people childishly trying not to burst in laughters. Pippa is the italian slang for handjob.
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Perfect. I'd want my kids to be named hand job anyway, so this works.
About names... when we chose our son's name we made sure it didn't mean anything "bad" in other languages.
I had a friend from London, when she came to Rome for a briefing and in the conference room she enthusiastically said "I'm Philippa, but you can call me Pippa"...... I saw all people childishly trying not to burst in laughters. Pippa is the italian slang for handjob.
I adore the name Penelope, and I'd love to call a daughter Penelope, but my husband hates it because in other countries it's often shortened to Pene, which is the italian for penis.
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Silvio Berlusconi, just die already.
When I read this, I also think that all of the previous guys Jessica was with wanted children too...
just not with HER.
I feel like her snatch entrapped the guy she has latched onto now. And for all that crap she talks about good Christian values...
she's birthin' a bastard!
Sinner Slore!
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Nick Lachey was always very patient with Jessica. He struck me as a good husband for her. She should have stuck with him.
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
I like normal names which ironically are no longer "normal". I named my second son William.
She sucks on wipeout. No lie, every time it comes on my family is all, "What happened to Jill? This girl is awful."
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:20pm.
Submitted by TheHeckler on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:07pm.
There was a Japanese Version? Aw man! The voice overs on MXC were hilarious!! The UK tried to do voice-overs to that show and it was HORRIBLE! American voice-overs for shows like that are always superior
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I THINK it was Japanese, I just remember seeing it years ago well before I saw any American version. I don't know if it was even called Wipeout but the premise was the same, the people were all Asian and the voice over was in English with silly raunchy immature comments which of course made me laugh.
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Haha, must be MXC . . . DON'T GET ELIMINATED!!! Not the same as Wipeout, but close.
Neither of them offend me. And honestly, Nick won points with me when 1. He waited for however long it was before getting laid by Simpleton and still married her. 2. Knew how stupid and annoying she was and publicly said he had her on the 5 year plan.
Submitted by methadonemama on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:03pm.
I'm not even joking, I want to name a little girl Estelle. My husband hates it, but I like it, because I like the name Stella. I think he thinks of Estelle Getty. Olivia is another name that I have to know at least fifteen little kids that have it.
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I'm fond of Bernadette. A friend named her daughter Betsy, and she got all kinds of shit. Kudos to her for sticking to it. I'm getting so sick of people giving their kids what they think are unique names and spelling them absurdly. "Presyleigh", "Payslee", "Leannza", "Krysteena"... REALLY!?!
Submitted by methadonemama on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:03pm.
Speaking of Sohpia...
I'm not even joking, I want to name a little girl Estelle. My husband hates it, but I like it, because I like the name Stella. I think he thinks of Estelle Getty. Olivia is another name that I have to know at least fifteen little kids that have it.
I also like the name Pippa (Phillipa) before I knew about the other Pippa.
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Oh, I like Estelle! It's definitely a classic, but such a pretty name.
I know about eight couples who have had Sophias and Sophies in the last four or five years. I'm very partial to Sophie, but if it's not someone's daughter's name, then it's someone's cat's name. =D
Olivia still strikes me as unique, even though I've heard it's very popular now. I guess all the Sophias (and Emilys and Elianas) where I live have drowned out the competition.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
She always wanted to marry a guy with a hot career and a lot of money yet she ends up with a Lachey.
*golf clap*
Something about a guy whose hands are bigger than a catcher's mitt freaks me out.
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www.charitywater.org
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the world food supply couldn't support all of that dimwitted skank's exes reproducing at once
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
Ironically they are posing under the MasterCard logo
Oh MK...that headline. You is mean lol!
I hear you Miz, I had the hots for Nick until I heard about his dick situation. I'm no size queen (well, maybe I am), but I want to have something to work with!
omg...that's horrible mjt...but he did have that blood clotting issue.
:O
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Deb on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:54pm.
Submitted by CheeryBitch on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:51pm.
Off topic... there's a headline that Baby Brahmin (however it's spelled) proposed to Madonna!
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HA! I wonder from which bubblegum machine he got the ring!
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LOL! Oh LORD, deliver us from *eyerolleyerolleyeroll*
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"Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people." J. Goldwater
i think that guy had a previously existing condition , tho, I thought I read that somewhere, anyway, I'd never go on there either!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by CheeryBitch on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:51pm.
Off topic... there's a headline that Baby Brahmin (however it's spelled) proposed to Madonna!
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HA! I wonder from which bubblegum machine he got the ring!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
According to this...the person on the Wipeout set died.
http://www.thewrap.com/tv/article/wipeout-another-reality-show-death-999...
CRAZY!
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Off topic... there's a headline that Baby Brahmin (however it's spelled) proposed to Madonna!
Not worth it imo ME!!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
guest - $50,000.00
Submitted by miz cynical on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:31pm.
Re: Wipeout, I think that someone recently did get hurt pretty badly during the filming. I just imagined that they either don't show the people that get hurt really badly and that if you're a contestant you're made to sign off on an extensive waiver
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I'm sure that waiver is about 30+ pages deep.
miz cynical...something like if you die or are injured for life...it's not our fault. love, the wipeout team.
what do they get if they win?
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
It must be perfectly awful to have to schedule big life decisions (engagement, marriage, having kids) based on what your ex or exes are doing.
Nick got engaged first, then Jessica got engaged. Then Jessica got pregnant first, now Vanessa is pregnant. Next is a race to lose the baby weight once the babies are born.
Re: Wipeout, I think that someone recently did get hurt pretty badly during the filming. I just imagined that they either don't show the people that get hurt really badly and that if you're a contestant you're made to sign off on an extensive waiver.
Is it confirmed that Tony Romo is going to be a dad???? No one is talking about it here in Dallas. NO ONE. In contrast, every little insane, petty, and pointless detail of their wedding was discussed in length, over and over.
Who Cares
Congratulations I guess
What is Nick Douchey doing these days anyway?
I truly believe that you haven't begun to scoop up all of life's beautiful moments until you've heard the line "Watch the wig!" from a piece while sitting on their face. - MK
Submitted by TheHeckler on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 1:07pm.
There was a Japanese Version? Aw man! The voice overs on MXC were hilarious!! The UK tried to do voice-overs to that show and it was HORRIBLE! American voice-overs for shows like that are always superior
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I THINK it was Japanese, I just remember seeing it years ago well before I saw any American version. I don't know if it was even called Wipeout but the premise was the same, the people were all Asian and the voice over was in English with silly raunchy immature comments which of course made me laugh.
guest: I have no clue how those people don't break their necks!
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
That will be a pretty baby.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 12:59pm.
Submitted by Webberbear on Mon, 03/05/2012 - 12:44pm.
LOL Snowy! Same thought, more succinct.
Doesn't her career simply consist of the third wheel on "Wipeout"?
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The original Japanese(?) version of wipeout was WAY better. I liked the guys that did the English voice overs on that series. The Japanese LOVE to torture people on game shows.
The American version is too over the top with their production and kinda it loses it's charm. It was better watching little Asian people getting demo-ed
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There was a Japanese Version? Aw man! The voice overs on MXC were hilarious!! The UK tried to do voice-overs to that show and it was HORRIBLE! American voice-overs for shows like that are always superior.
Congrats to them! I always sort of liked Nick. He put up with a lot more than most men would in The Newlywed days.
I always think someone's gonna get knocked out during Wipeout or get a concussion. Those falls are brutal.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
I'm sure their baby will be adorable, but then I forgot that rule about two good looking parents making fugly babies! I learned it on Dlisted
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky