Looking like my third favorite Wuzzle after Hoppopotamus and Butterbear, Mimi wobbled out of Gotham Hall in NYC last night after hollerin’ out her butterfly yodel for the first time since she birthed out Baby Lohan (haven’t you heard that Lohan is the new Monroe) and Baby Couscous. Mimi’s quest to look as damn helpless as possible continued last night when she messed with her vision by putting on sunglasses with lenses the size of pancake nipples and wore a Divine dress that was so tight all the blood in her body pushed down to her ankles, making her almost immobile. That’s just the way Mimi loves it, because she needed the help of two grown men to guide her down an extremely steep and dangerous 6-inch high curb.
Of course, Mimi is the delicate and fragile one even though her husband Nick Cannon is suffering from the sicks. Nick told People the other night that the “mild” kidney fail he suffered from earlier this year was the result of an autoimmune disease that doctors found in his system.
“They kind of say [my] autoimmune [disease] is – like a lupus type of thing, but no one else in my family has it. I feel blessed to be alive. If it wasn’t discovered, I don’t know [what would have happened].”
Thank the Butterfly Rainbow Unicorn Glitter Queef Sanrio Surprise Gods that doctors discovered Nick’s disease and are treating it so he doesn’t end up laid up in the hospital again. Not because I care about Nick’s health or anything, but because I care about Mimi’s delicate nature. If Nick wasn’t well enough to help her down the damn curb, she’d still be standing on the sidewalk aimlessly waiting for a save-a-ho hand to guide her to safety. Thinking she’s Blanche DuBois and shit.