Thursday, March 1st 2012
Open Post: Hosted By What People Want
So this is what the Spice Girls were talking about when they were trying to tell us what they really, really, really want. Actually, since these dudes brought it up, what I really wanted was a video of Prince Hot Ginge's flaming crotch bush brightly flickering above his massive dick head, but I guess this is the next best thing. That said, Michael Jackson is not amused by this and neither are my nostrils, because I can smell that situation from here.
via VVV
• 
Sorry but Limbaugh and allll those others talk like 98% of republican citizens in 2012. Find one that doesn’t. “Republican principles” ***in 2012*** is an oxymoron. It’s called The Dunning–Kruger effect and it only happens here in America because everyone is entitled to their stupid opinion and everyone can agree to disagree no matter what the consequences. And yet people bitch about the PC police….any republicans consider anything they thought was wrong five years ago or is it just now you are concerned with the comic book illuminati- while seeking those who really DO work for shady people to combat the problem simply because they have labeled themselves “republican”. God help us all.
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Fri, 03/02/2012 - 12:59am.
Submitted by LawDog on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 11:12pm.
We all know that Limbaugh is a bombastic gasbag, but his comments to Sandra Fluke were just beyong the pale. What a hateful, misogynistic hypocrite! Can people not see that this "man" and Rick Santorum are the EXACT MIRROR IMAGES of their Taliban counterparts?
They all need to pull their heads out of their asses, and out of the 12th century.
Oh, by the way, most insurance covers Viagra. God knows, nobody wants to see Rush Limbaugh's sex tape though....
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:07pm.
WHO IS JACK SCHITT
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt.
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt.
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt . The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt , Giva Schitt , Fulla Schitt , Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt , and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt , were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.
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Fucking brilliant!! LOVE.
Any Reagan fans? Reagan gave training/weapons to Bin Laden. More members of his admin were indicted or jailed (139) than any admin in US history. He signed the largest middle class tax increases in American history. He accumulated more debt against our treasury in 8 yrs. than all previous presidents did in 192 yrs. Goodnight!
Amen Terri but there are plenty younger and slicker that would take their places. The derp bar grade marches on. Everyone has to wait to (stay home) vote for congress in 2014. I wonder what the over 100 tea party people can fuck up in that time and blame democrats for. I like how the tea party members in congress all have huge insurance payouts if America defaults.
Submitted by LawDog on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 10:26pm.
Since this is open post, I will take this opportunity to state my opinion that Rush Limbaugh is one of the four horseman of the apocalypse. His innate ability to continue to talk out of his ass never ceases to amaze me. He is embodies the worst traits of the Republican party. My vote is that on the next earth day, we put Rush, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, and Nancy Grace into a vehicle and set it on fire. THAT, my friends, would make the earth a better place.
___
I'll let you use my Honda Civic, but Rush can't fit his ego in it
Submitted by Darth Stoner on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:04pm.
Submitted by BaconSlut on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 6:59pm.
I can't think anywhere near straight today. I was making egg salad by the kitchen sink this morning, and instead of grabbing the nearby white squeeze bottle of mayo, I added some of the contents of the squeezable WHITE BOTTLE OF DISH SOAP to the bowl. It's been downhill from there.
--
Thank you for that, Baconator.
I feel so much less FAIL today!
All joking aside, I sowwy you had bad day tho. :(
Truthfully, I think those squeeze bottles of mayo are evil and slightly pornographic.
*crosses self*
_____________________________
Ahahahaha - thank God, I thought I was the only one having one of those days. I was making eggs for breakfast this morning and ended up cracking the egg into the garbage can and dropping the broken shells into the bowl. Up until that point I was so proud that I was trying to be healthy. From now on it's coffee and a preservative-laden, lard-filled, sugary confection for me.
'Night all.
Submitted by LawDog on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 11:12pm.
@Phoebe, that is why I said he is the worst of the party. I don't think most logical people, whatever party, think like he does. I just found the comments he made about that college girl and birth control particularly offensive today. He was calling her a slut and prostitute. He is just a jack off.
----
Unfortunately, there are still too many people who think that way and have influence. There are obviously people in Virginia who believe any woman that wants an abortion is a whore, therefore they should have no problem undergoing mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds to get the abortion. That fiasco made me think of that creepy Julie Christie movie where the computer raped her.
hey LawDog - I concur.
slow night on the OP, i see.
i'm noticing a stange trend in my life now, where i get a second wind that i spen staying up with mom watching TV of her choice till she falls asleep, followed by cleaning, and then a drinking wine. but if i don't fall out i take a percocet, and if i don't fall out i get a third wind, which involves drinking more wine and postin here.
which is where i am now,
drinking wine and posting on Dlisted.
somehow this doesn't seem like a good idea.
but the house is really clean. i just can't sleep, no matter what i do.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
We worked hard for our money! So hard for it, honey!
I just watched a new show that I really, really liked, called Awake. Unfortunately, one of the characters is played by Wilmer Valderrama, and I hate him.
@Phoebe, that is why I said he is the worst of the party. I don't think most logical people, whatever party, think like he does. I just found the comments he made about that college girl and birth control particularly offensive today. He was calling her a slut and prostitute. He is just a jack off.
**************************************
“She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.”
Mark Twain
Did I seriously just get told that Jlo is a great singer and NOT a self absorbed ego maniac???? Holy fucking shit....
*************
You dumb bitch, I am home.-MK
I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with the donkey.
I would be happy if they were just made mute. Especially because I am a Republican, and none of them speak for me.
(Don't butcher me - we are not all crazed far right wingers.)
Since this is open post, I will take this opportunity to state my opinion that Rush Limbaugh is one of the four horseman of the apocalypse. His innate ability to continue to talk out of his ass never ceases to amaze me. He is embodies the worst traits of the Republican party. My vote is that on the next earth day, we put Rush, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, and Nancy Grace into a vehicle and set it on fire. THAT, my friends, would make the earth a better place.
**************************************
“She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.”
Mark Twain
Gay is LOVE. Jesus Loves Gays. He died for them.
Again you guys click here for your own safety, specially if you live on Florida.
http://mugshots.com/US-Counties/Florida/Seminole-County-FL/Christine-Swa...
Can I tell a lesbian dramz story? It's good.
So this friend of my sister's was dating this girl and they had a falling out. Sister's friend went to a party where the ex was and set fire to her own car while she was in it - maybe she was trying to commit suicide, we don't actually know the whole story. Half her face is melted off now.
ETA: My sister was so disturbed that when she saw the burned girl at a bar and heard the story of what happened, she called me in the middle of the night, hysterical.
____________________________________________________________
Wow, Hekki, that is crazy! I feel very sorry for both persons involved. Is your sister doing OK, now? So, you all never figured out why the ex was so psycho?
hey wazup? heheee!
haven't looked in mirrorin 3x days but project is done.
on a srsly note anyone gotta clue why when composing in gmail a link from dlisted would insert itself in it and then automatically send itself. and this was a heavy business email shit!
LEAVING GMAIL STAT
FUCK DIS SHIT
CHANGED POLICIES
bing here I come
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 8:54pm.
Like sands through the hourglass, these are the gays of our lives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Can I tell a lesbian dramz story? It's good.
So this friend of my sister's was dating this girl and they had a falling out. Sister's friend went to a party where the ex was and set fire to her own car while she was in it - maybe she was trying to commit suicide, we don't actually know the whole story. Half her face is melted off now.
ETA: My sister was so disturbed that when she saw the burned girl at a bar and heard the story of what happened, she called me in the middle of the night, hysterical.
I gave up sex for Lent - hmmm...I will have to mention that to my husband. Funny he hasn't noticed yet.
Submitted by LMA618 on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:09pm.
Ok folks. I'm over these pervin' teachers. 41 year old teacher now living with his student.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2012/03/01/state/n05075...
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It's the grin on his face that is really irritating. The thing is, this guy will get his. She's 18 so maybe they won't throw him in jail, but being 18 she will go through changes which will probably include getting tired of him before too long. She will be able to tell her story to Oprah but he will be stuck hanging out outside the schoolyard looking for another girlfriend.
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/
darth fair enough.
I met nicky (name changed) when I was 18, he was a 5 1 black kid from Detroit, a year older than me I think. He had a shaved head except for the very front he grew out a little for- get this- blond extensions to fit- BIG round curls. He was a good kid tho and was going to college when I met him. But as for this specific thing nickey liked to go to the abundant frat parties in Ann Arbor, stay sober and catch his bait! He did so by acting drunk with a bottle of vodka that was filled with water and he would follow guys who were already drunk to bathrooms, oh LOAAARD we is talking strrr esss here now’. I hung out with him one time at some hotel that was housing a band and it was wild. Usually guys that like to test those murky waters do it in their own home- nicky had no shame or fear so he did it in public
Submitted by BaconSlut on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:35pm.
@Darth
It was more like a wait, what? moment. Mayo is not spozed to be clear!
It coulda been worse--it could have been by tasting.
Now I can't get Tiny Bubbles out of my head.
--
There are so many McDonald's cum jokes in there. LMAO
Poor kid! Nothing like being half-aware and then realizing you are just about to poison your ass! At least you caught it before you put it in yo mouf! YELCH!
@Darth
It was more like a wait, what? moment. Mayo is not spozed to be clear!
It coulda been worse--it could have been by tasting.
Now I can't get Tiny Bubbles out of my head.
****************************************************
"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Submitted by BaconSlut on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:23pm.
Now I iz skeeered! LOL *runs to the kitchen for a cocktail. Stops by sink first to put dish soap underneath it.*
--
LMFAO! How *DID* you find out you put dish-soap in your egg salad? Did you find out by tasting it or was it mid-squirt and you were like, "OH NOES!" SHIT!
Hide yo babies
Hide yo toxic squeeze bottle cleaners
Hide yo coffee grounds from planting dirt
Hey, we all human! We all make mistakes!
GOBLESSYOU!
Submitted by warmjuice on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:13pm.
Darth Stoner when fags pull that shit they are 100% sober swigging WATER out of a grey goose bottle. Its all very covert.
--
Aaaaand ya lost me. I have no idea about how the Gay world (especially the covert part) works.
Do some gays pretend to be straight just to play it up a bit for the turn-on factor of a gay seducing a straight?
I imagine there's a lot of that sort of kinky play that goes on.
SAFETY WORD: OUCH!
Now I iz skeeered! LOL *runs to the kitchen for a cocktail. Stops by sink first to put dish soap underneath it.*
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Submitted by BaconSlut on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:14pm.
Bacon Bitsy,
YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Bleh. If you love your condiments, do not go there! haha
Jeffrey Dahmer was bad enough when all he had was condiments and heads in his fridge and freezer. GAHGAHGAH
@Darth
LOL! I'm taking your word for that!!!
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Chewinsmoke - A few years ago I gave up both coffee and chocolate for lent. My husband told me to NEVER do that again!!!
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:08pm.
*sobbing tosses contraband box of Ding Dongs*
Good luck with the basil! Last year I had a bumper crop and I dried it in the garage.
I seriously wish I could drive down to were you are and get some free horse poop!
---------------------------
*stuffs face like a bulemic*
Come on down! I'm between Dallas & Houston. Got 3 huge piles of the stuff, all in different stages of decomposition. Plus, we have a mushroom factory down the road & you can get approx 10 yards of compost (straw, poultry litter & mushrooms) for about $15. I live in a shit plethora!!!
Darth Stoner when fags pull that shit they are 100% sober swigging WATER out of a grey goose bottle. Its all very covert.
Submitted by BaconSlut on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:08pm.
There is mayo-related porn? *runs to fridge*
--
Please. Don't. Google. Ever.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:00pm.
Im like Catholic lite. I had a stint with Buddhism a few years back but you know old habits die hard, plus my mom only lives 1 1/2 miles away to keep my ass in line...
Could I be like addicted to soda? Im irritable and I freaked when I found out it has only been a week! FML!
_________________________________________
GG - I too am like 'Catholic Lite' *giggles at that - is that like skinny Catholic?* Anyway, I very rarely make it to Mass but my dad makes it a point to point some shade in my direction if I don't at least try to comply with some of the traditions...so I give up something for Lent every year (nothing that I have to think too hard about though) and never eat meat on Fridays.
Regarding pop - I too gave up pop - the first of the year - the first week or two SUCKS!!!! But you will thank yourself for it - trust me! I feel so much better, plus I'm not near as dehydrated because the caffeine in pop makes you retain water big time. Now it's only one cup of coffee in the morning for me and the rest is AGUA.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:09pm.
THANK YOU! That totally went over my head! lol
Happy Holiday/Friday to you, Spotted! =)
Submitted by warmjuice on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:03pm.
Yeah, it can be risky to get drunk with someone who might already have serious emotional or drug problems. Even though YOU are just as drunk TOO, sometimes, if someone feels more 'vulnerable' for whatever reason, you can get yourself into trouble. Not worth it.
Submitted by Darth Stoner on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:01pm.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 6:59pm.
Ha ha ha. It's "Friday" in Texas. Tomorrow is Texas Independence Day!!! State holiday...woo hoo!!!!!!!
--
Please explain this to me. I'm lost (just relate this to me like you would a small, dyslexic, slightly 'special' child) because I have nooooooooooo idea whatchoo-talkin'-bout!
BUT, I wanna know!
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Tomorrow is a holiday in Texas. Me no worky.
Thus, today is my theoretical "Friday". Tomorrow I AM OFF!!!
*does happy dance*
Ok folks. I'm over these pervin' teachers. 41 year old teacher now living with his student.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2012/03/01/state/n05075...
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http://i53.tinypic.com/opzn9l.gif
There is mayo-related porn? *runs to fridge*
****************************************************
"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
*sobbing tosses contraband box of Ding Dongs*
Good luck with the basil! Last year I had a bumper crop and I dried it in the garage.
I seriously wish I could drive down to were you are and get some free horse poop!
WHO IS JACK SCHITT
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt.
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt.
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt . The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt , Giva Schitt , Fulla Schitt , Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt , and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt , were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
@Darth,
Awwwww. Thanks. Whenever possible, I like to share my dumbassery with others. Gotta laugh at yerself and hope it makes others laugh too.
Have a better rest of the day!
****************************************************
"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 7:02pm.
Dog, I pluck a hair outta my nose and it brings tears to my eyes. Ain't no way in hell I'm going to risk plucking an a-hole hair just to see if it's as bad or worse!
*looks at edamame*
*looks back up at GG & waits for her to throw Twinkie*
Had my hands all up in my compost pile. I thought of you. I'm taking a chance & I planted some basil seeds today. It's been so darned warm this winter that I think my gamble will pay off.
Submitted by BaconSlut on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 6:59pm.
I can't think anywhere near straight today. I was making egg salad by the kitchen sink this morning, and instead of grabbing the nearby white squeeze bottle of mayo, I added some of the contents of the squeezable WHITE BOTTLE OF DISH SOAP to the bowl. It's been downhill from there.
--
Thank you for that, Baconator.
I feel so much less FAIL today!
All joking aside, I sowwy you had bad day tho. :(
Truthfully, I think those squeeze bottles of mayo are evil and slightly pornographic.
*crosses self*
Darth Stoner jokes aside I honestly hate it when fags pull that shit, you can get fucking killed if the person you did it too has some fucked up history of sexual abuse or sexual feelings they are not comfortable with. I had this one sassy gay black friend from YEEEARS ago and he would go to frat parties just to find straight guys to suck- and totally got away with it. Its kinda hot but the trouble, and being a jerk perhaps isn’t worth it. I don’t like it when pushy women come on to me, or say “well you COULD have sex with a woman….” That’s shitty fucked and offensive and I never pull that bullshit with straight men.
Longest Nerve In The Body
Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus? It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 6:59pm.
Ha ha ha. It's "Friday" in Texas. Tomorrow is Texas Independence Day!!! State holiday...woo hoo!!!!!!!
--
Please explain this to me. I'm lost (just relate this to me like you would a small, dyslexic, slightly 'special' child) because I have nooooooooooo idea whatchoo-talkin'-bout!
BUT, I wanna know!
*tosses SDR packet of edemame*
Im like Catholic lite. I had a stint with Buddhism a few years back but you know old habits die hard, plus my mom only lives 1 1/2 miles away to keep my ass in line...
Could I be like addicted to soda? Im irritable and I freaked when I found out it has only been a week! FML!