Maybe it’s because the coffee I injected directly into my eyeball veins took a detour and hasn’t hit my brain yet, but that picture of Beyonce played a trick on me for a second. I thought Beyonce forgot to take off her Tempur-Pedic baby pillow and accidentally wore it underneath a fugly-print silk blouse from Cache. But nope, that’s Blue Ivy Carter under there and I’m surprised she’s not glowing like she’s just suckled on the holy liquid of the sun, because that picture was taken just a day after Beyonce breastfed her in the middle of Sant Ambroeus Restaurant in NYC. A witness tells UsWeekly that they felt the world stop underneath their feets when Beyonce fed the chosen one in the middle of the restaurant. The roof blew off, the halo around Beyonce’s nipple plate blinded everyone and lives were changed!
Yeah, this story is about as exciting as watching a spit ball dry on a bib, but here it is from UsWeekly:
Count Beyonce Knowles among the millions of mothers worldwide who are proud to breastfeed their children out in the open.
Escorted by husband Jay-Z, the “Girls (Run the World)” singer, 30, took along daughter Blue Ivy, seven weeks, for a casual lunch at Sant Ambroeus in NYC’s West Village last Saturday. And Beyonce nursed her little girl at her the table, an observer tells Us Weekly. Two additional sources confirm to Us that the first-time mom has been breastfeeding her daughter.
It was very gracious and heart-giving of Beyonce to bless a dozen eyes with the spiritually maternal image of her sticking her nipple in Blue Ivy’s mouth and I’m sure the La Leche League has already crowned her as the new Patron Saint of Titty Feeding, but there’s something very un-Beyonce like about all of this. Beyonce breastfed B.I.C. in front of all those mere mortals?! For free?!
You’d think Beyonce would order her bodyguards to clear the restaurant and then a team of set decorators would be brought in to transform the restaurant from peon eatin’ place into a breastfeeding heaven complete with a sparkling milk waterfall and a duo of back-up dancers (Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland since they ain’t got shit to do) singing “If you’re hungry then you should put your mouth on it” around B.I.C. That’s how B.I.C. feeds! Something in the titty leche ain’t clean.