The Photoshop Awards: Patti Stanger's Sensa Ad
re·al·i·ty [ree-al-i-tee]
1. the state or quality of being real.
2. resemblance to what is real.
3. something the hos at Sensa need to find a way to turn into crystal form so they can shove it down their mouth holes in ladle fulls, because this is some shit.
This Sensa ad from Star Magazine as scanned by Jezebel is supposed to be that crazy hamster-looking bitch Patti Stanger aka The Millionaire Matchmaker showing off her AMAZING new body. This isn't Patti Stanger's body. This isn't a human's body. This is the body of a knock-off Bratz doll at the 99 Cent store that nobody buys. For three seconds there, I thought this was an action figure based on one of those Shahs of Sunset tricks.
Sensa is supposed to stop your will to eat delicious food when you sprinkle it on your nightly dinner of a deep fried Philly cheesesteak. But if whoever put this ad together uses it, then it obviously stops your brain's will to think. The makers of Sensa need some sensa knocked into them. Who at Sensa thought this ad looked like anything but shameless fuckery? This is some Promise of a New Day shit.
You don't even need to buy Sensa to lose some chunk. The next time you get the urge to swallow a cheeseburger whole, just look at this ad and you'll laugh so hard that your brain will forget you're hungry. You won't want to put anything in your mouth when you're too busy blowing LOLs out of it.
And for comparision, here's a few pictures of Patti in real life with Marc Bouwer at The Heart Truth's Red Dress Collection show in NYC on February 8th. Oh shit, maybe it's Marc Bouwer's body in that jacked up ad above. They should've given his ass credit.
Just saw that OC housewife Tamra Barney is also promoting this shit.
Who the fuck is this hermaphrodite mess? She hasn't made one successful match. She is a fraud.
She's a low class yenta desperate to remain in the public eye. She's an ugly beast.
She Stinks!
This one.
She constantly says that men don't like the way redheads look. She says "sorry, I don't make the rules, just the way it is."
As a redhead who's been engaged three times, and married twice, I beg to differ, you mean sow. I can't speak for whether guys think I'm crazy, but as far as ugly, who is she to judge?
From their website:
What exactly is in SENSA®?
SENSA® contains Maltodextrin (Derived from Corn from the USA), Tricalcium Phosphate, Silica, Natural and Artificial Flavors. SENSA® also contains Soy and Milk ingredients.
All this for the low, low price of just $74 on Amazon. Come on you fucktards, quit funding this type of blatant MADNESS with your dollars! Are people really this stupid and/or desperate? $74 for some motherfucking maltodextrin? I hope the world ends, and soon.
True. I just read Ted Turner misses Jane Fonda. She was very good company unlike his bimbos.
No way in hell did this cunt drop those thunder thighs like the add shows!
PS - She does look like Katty Perry down the road!
In those photos of her in the red dress, I'm seeing Katy Perry in 20 years....
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
Submitted by KA on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 11:06am.
Lol! ;D
****************
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
I guess this bitch lost some weight although it's hard to tell in that red curtain she's wearing. She's still damn fugly, even with the 10lbs. of makeup and fake hair. Have seen her on tv, maybe 2x's. She is an idiot and anyone paying her is an even BIGGER idiot. The ad is total fantasy, she almost looks like a cartoon, of course for her that's a huge improvement.
Submitted by guest on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 8:44am.
Fatsa or thinsa you still a bitchsa. :p. *poses with arms up for all future picsas* lol
this shit was so funny i made it my sig!
-----------------------------------------
"Fatsa or thinsa you still a bitchsa. :p. *poses with arms up for all future picsas* lol" - guest
Okay, random thoughts on this bitch:
Did anyone see that episode where SHE went on the date? All I can say is this woman should NOT be filmed in HD in raw sunlight! It was REPULSIVE. How that guy managed to kiss her, I'll never know. My penis inverted.
She went on WWHL bashing gays saying she "can't tame them" because they were exchanging phone numbers at the mixer. LIKE DUH bitch, they were all homosexual males! If you have a mixer with a bunch of heterosexual males (or heterosexual females), OBVIOUSLY they aren't going to exchange numbers because heterosexual males (or females) aren't attracted to each other! But if you mixed hetero males with hetero females they'd be doing the EXACT SAME THING. Use your brain, bimbo.
That Jaguar she has on the show? It's a loaner. Bitch tries to act like it's her car but it's loaned to the show for advertising. Notice how they always zoom in on the hood ornament? Yep. And LOL at this bitch sitting in the back seat being driven around because, as she put it, "Business is SO good now that I've hired a driver." Jew pleez!
"Sensa changed my life!" --YEA, it fattened your bank account! That IS a life changer!
Where are the false advertising police when you need them??
i always kind of liked Patty. I wish they wouldn't have fucked with her neck & face like that.
daaaaaaaaaang
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 9:47am.
If you are a "millionaire" male or female and cannot hook a mate on your own, then there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you. Even if you are as ugly as sin, and with the personality of a rock, your wallet speaks volumes and you can land a hot girl or guy. If you are on her show, paying her amateur ass to hook you up, you definitely haven't any "real" money IMO.
-----------------------------
^this!!!!
nice tater head, you battleax bitch Patty Stanker. what kind of moron takes dating and marital advise from a woman who could never seal the deal is way beyond me. man those people must be disgusting human beings.
Bitch is RODE HARD and PUT AWAY WET.
She looks like an old, fugly version of Soleil Moon Frye.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 10:03am.
EXACTLY! In spite of what men THINK, in the end, a pretty face/sex gets boring if there isn't a brain behind it all (I KNOW Jack will totally disagree! LOL).
patti may be slimmer, but she's still fugly...
_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Hahaha, Eevil! True.
If a person wants to marry a millionaire, s/he needs to be more than a pretty face and good oral skills. Someone smart enough to make and keep a fortune needs a partner who can keep up with him/her. You can be a power couple if you're both smart and educated and successful. Otherwise you're a rich fool who got saddled with another monthly expense. This goes for men AND women millionaires.
The choosing of a mate is a serious business. I wouldn't trust that dingdong who's basically Heidi Fleiss.
I HATE this woman.
First off, the few times I have punished myself by watching her show, I am appalled by the fact that she tells women how to dress, do their hair etc. That would be fine IF she had some taste, but her suggestions harken back to the days of Dynasty and Dallas, and no men I know are into "retro".
Second- She is a rude bitch, who talks to her "girls" and male clients like dogs (no offense to our Doggie here). As if I would allow some crass, ugly bitch I am PAYING to talk to me that way.
Third- The way she talks about penis and "emotional connections" really sickens me. "You have to connect with the penis, by looking the part". WTF???? Looking the part of a penis OR a dumb bitch? I'm confused.
Fourth- She is ugly, single and fresh off of a break-up, so how on earth is she an expert on relationships or match making. From what I have seen and what I have read, none of the people she "sets up" ever go out on very many additional dates.
Fifth- If you are a "millionaire" male or female and cannot hook a mate on your own, then there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you. Even if you are as ugly as sin, and with the personality of a rock, your wallet speaks volumes and you can land a hot girl or guy. If you are on her show, paying her amateur ass to hook you up, you definitely haven't any "real" money IMO.
Her show is a parade of Real Housewife larvae.
She is a misogynist, but I have as much contempt for the women on her show as she does. And the men are no better.
TexnDoc: Ruth Buzzi lives in Fort Worth, Texas.
good lord, I am thankfully distracted away from her plastic body by that hellish, rat's nest on her head! no doubt those wigs are happily being pieced together in an overcrowded Chinese sweatshop as we speak, 'cos I can sure see an impending stampede for them. damn thing looks like it's made out of the rodent hair they pluck offa them before eating them.
Fatsa or thinsa you still a bitchsa. :p. *poses with arms up for all future picsas* lol
*****************
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2108530/Lil-Kim-goes-fashio...
She's revolting, thick or thin.
NEW COUPLE ALERT:
http://www.imnotobsessed.com/2012/02/29/hot-new-couple-alert-eddie-murph...
Who?
Okay, I hate this bitch BUT I just discovered that she was born in 1961. WTF. Damn, even in the runway photos, girlfriend gotta admit that this bitch looks pretty effing good for being 51 YEARS OLD.
Patti freaking hates women.
Idk who this is and I don't care to find out.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Wed, 02/29/2012 - 11:49pm.
What is SENSA supposed to be?? I mean "WHY" is it supposed to work? Magic Crystals? Shit flavored topping? Crystal Meth????
--------------------
this made me lmao
i didnt know what sensa was until i read the comments here. i thought it was like some other shit i tried in the late 90's. you took it before every meal with a huge glass of water and it helped you to eat less. it was just some way over priced psyllium powder in a capsule. of course that's going to make you eat less - it just makes your stomach full with a bunch of fiber. thats what i thought this shit was but i guess not. its much more foul than i expected.
Sensa works with your senses by making you feel full. It's supposed to be you sprinkle all over your food and while you are eating it, your nose and taste buds say you are full. I tried it last year.I lost 5 pounds but after the 1st month it stopped working. I also got bad headaches. I actually didn't think it tasted bad, but it just didn't work. So back to exercise and eating well to get these last 10 off!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damn! Nice hooker shoes, baby. Can you dance in those things?
Daddy Spears
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damn! Nice hooker shoes, baby. Can you dance in those things?
Daddy Spears
I cannot stand her. The things she would say to her female clients/daters were just awful. Straight up sexist crap. Disappointing.
The picture is so odd. It has no real likeness to her. Ughh, terrible.
She was probably on crank.
Submitted by LASux on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 2:00am.
'New Person'???????
Sorry Patti. You are still a vile jew.
------------------------------
a vile jew? THA FUCK
'New Person'???????
Sorry Patti. You are still a vile jew.
I doubt she even used this product. She probably was on that HCG diet because she lost that flab fast. Plus she probably had lipo too. She is fake, fake, fake. I hate all this fucked up advertising. Like Orwell said, "Advertising is the rattling of a stick in a swill bucket."
Submitted by agirl on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 12:02am.
Why spend money on some powder to sprinkle on your food so you won't eat it? Why not just use some Ajax powder or boric acid or powder laundry detergent or baby powder or something else that would be poisonous or at least nasty/unhealthy to eat? Even salt or baking powder or baking soda or some spice would work, if you used enough of it.
________________________
Yes....someone posted something on Jezebel about pouring fish flakes on food as opposed to Splenda and that SERIOUSLY gave me the dry heaves. I could easily lose weight if I carried around a little thing of fish food flakes and sprinkled it on everything (coffee,cereal, bagels, cheesecake, grilled cheese, ice cream etc)
When you are eating right and at least moderately exercising...shit like Sensa is'nt even on your radar.Enjoy the endorsement check honey.Make sure to cash it before the faulty product lawsuits start piling up.BTW: Heaux is not looking well.That is some realllllly unhealthy looking weight loss.Like lap band / diet pill / Sensa looking weight loss.
This whole mess makes no sensa.
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 12:00am.
Yep. After years of trying everything, i just do that, partly thanks to a retail job. It works to just stop eating a little earlier. And don't hang out with boring people, because they make you eat more. And drink less and walking a lot actually seems to lesson my appetite. Also tons of water. Okay, I'll stop now, since I'm only 5 lbs in and have like, 20 more to go. *shuts tfu :P*
Submitted by Gigaboob on Wed, 02/29/2012 - 9:58pm.
IF, you're right, there's no getting around that. I didn't have that *ahem* stoppage issue.
--If you ever want to get rid of stoppage issues, try high fat and low carb for like, two days. Big, wonderful logs that barely smell-I swear!
I knew she had to be promoting this product when she went on "Watch What Happens" and said this was the reason, and I looked it up, and pretty much ALL of the testimonials said it doesn't work but for a few pounds.
And I used to like the show, but I got more and more irritated at her idiotic advice for mostly bland idiots who want to snag a sugar daddy and, most importantly, her approval, no matter how educated and "purdy" they are (and by pretty I mean straight or weave hair and five inch heels with those stupid forever 21 party dresses, of course).
Submitted by Cake666 on Thu, 03/01/2012 - 12:10am.
Oh honey, you know those jezzies are a bunch of hypocrites.
http://i53.tinypic.com/opzn9l.gif
uch Jezebel again, aren't they against "slut-shaming"? Then they need to STFU already.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
Submitted by Gigaboob on Wed, 02/29/2012 - 9:46pm.
Ms. Fury, I tried it once and it works because it makes everything taste disgusting. The idea is that it makes everything taste the same, therefore you get bored and eat less, but I found the taste of it just foul, so it was not for me. I'll keep my muffin top, thank you very much. The good thing is they making returning the product very easy. I'm assuming they get a lot of that.
--------------------------------------
That sounds awful. I don't know how anyone could commit to that long enough to lose serious weight.
I assumed it was an appetite suppressant like flaxseed that just makes you feel unpleasantly full faster.
*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
this sounds like some Brave New World/Illuminati mess. If I want to eat bland food to lose weight why do I need to dump toxic chemicals on it? How about eat some fruit? Or don't have that doughnut at 7-11?
I'm guessing that "sensa" means it doesn't change the taste of the food but makes it so you can't taste it. That sounds dangerous to me. I don't want them fucking with my taste buds.
On a related note, maybe a related product, they have this stuff at CVS by the register. It looks like Chapstick but you are supposed to put it under your nose and it "stops bad odors before they get to you." Cool! I don't have to change the cat box ever again! But no! What a concept.
Making it so you can't taste or smell is some sinister shit.