Jack And Jill Went Up The Hill To Fetch A Pail of Razzies
The nominations for the biggest pieces of corroded turds that fell out of Hollywood's ass last year were announced yesterday and Adam Sandler beat all the records by getting 11 nominations for the trio of cinematic vomits Jack and Jill, Bucky Larson and Just Go With It. If this doesn't convince Adam Sandler that he needs to reavaluate his life choices and realize that nothing will beat his performance as Stud Boy in Remote Control, then I don't know what will.
12 flying Razzie nominations landed on the pile of steaming shit that is Jack and Jill alone. It's not like I'm surprised that Jack and Jill is pretty much the worst thing to happen to movie's since Vincent Gallo's cum load, but I am surprised that it made $134 million. $134 million. How did that many bitches see that shit? I bet the same people who paid to see Jack and Jill are the same people who suck up all the hot water in their apartment building, because they spend 5 hours a day crying at the bottom of the shower while punching at their faces. They hate themselves that much. Anyway, here's a list of last year's biggest vomit-inducers:
Worst PictureBUCKY LARSON: BORN TO BE A STAR
Columbia Pictures / Happy Madison ProductionsJACK & JILL
Columbia Pictures / Happy Madison ProductionsNEW YEAR'S EVE
Warner Bros / New Line CinemaTRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
Paramount Pictures / HasbroTWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART I
Summit EntertainmentWorst Actor
Russell Brand
ARTHURNicolas Cage
DRIVE ANGRY 3-D, SEASON OF THE WITCH and TRESPASSTaylor Lautner
ABDUCTION and TWILIGHT S.B.D. PART IAdam Sandler
JACK & JILL and JUST GO WITH ITNick Swardson
BUCKY LARSON: BORN TO BE A STARWorst Actress
Martin Lawrence (As "Momma")
BIG MOMMAS: LIKE FATHER, LIKE SONSarah Palin (As "Herself")
SARAH PALIN: THE UNDEFEATEDSarah Jessica Parker
I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT and NEW YEAR'S EVEAdam Sandler (As "Jill")
JACK & JILLKristen Stewart
TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART IWorst Supporting Actress:
Katie Holmes JACK & JILL
Brandon T. Jackson (As "Charmaine") BIG MOMMAS: LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON
Nicole Kidman JUST GO WITH IT
David Spade (As "Monica") JACK & JILL
The Underwear Model (aka Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
Worst Supporting Actor
Patrick Dempsey
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOONJames Franco
YOUR HIGHNESSKen Jeong
BIG MOMMA'S #3, HANGOVER PART 2, TRANSFORMERS #3 and ZOOKEEPERAl Pacino (As "Al Pacino")
JACK & JILLNick Swardson
JACK & JILL and JUST GO WITH ITWorst Screen Ensemble
The Entire Cast of BUCKY LARSON: BORN TO BE A STAR
The Entire Cast of JACK & JILL
The Entire Cast of NEW YEAR'S EVE
The Entire Cast of TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
The Entire Cast of TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART I
Worst Director
Michael Bay
TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOONTom Brady
BUCKY LARSON: BORN TO BE A STARBill Condon
TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART I
Dennis DuganJACK & JILL and JUST GO WITH IT
Garry MarshallNEW YEAR'S EVE
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
ARTHURBUCKY LARSON: BORN TO BE A STAR
(Rip-Off of BOOGIE NIGHTS and A STAR IS BORN)THE HANGOVER PART 2
(Both a Sequel AND a Remake!)
JACK & JILL
(Remake/Rip-Off of Ed Woods' GLEN OR GLENDA)
TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART I
Worst Screen Couple
Nicolas Cage & Anyone Sharing the Screen with Him in Any of His Three 2011 Movies
Shia LeBeouf & The Underwear Model (aka Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) TRANNIES #3
Adam Sandler & EITHER Jennifer Aniston OR Brooklyn Decker / JUST GO WITH IT
Adam Sandler and EITHER Katie Holmes, Al Pacino OR Adam Sandler / JACK & JILL
Kristen Stewart & EITHER Taylor Lautner OR Robert Pattinson / TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART IWorst Screenplay
BUCKY LARSON: BORN TO BE A STAR
Written by Adam Sandler, Allen Covert and Nick SwardsonJACK & JILL
Screenplay by Steve Koren & Adam Sandler, Story by Ben ZookNEW YEAR'S EVE
Written by Katherine FugateTRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
Written by Ehren Kruger
TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART I
Screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg
This needs more Tree of Life, which scared me away from movie theaters for a few weeks. It was fifty hours of emotional torture. It was like being stuck in a room while 100% sober with someone who is high on acid. You don't know whether you want to choke them out or just bang your head against your knees until the noises stop. It made my hair hurt and I ate a giant ball of vom when I walked out of the theater and heard some pretentious slut say, "It was astonimizing." Yes, astonimizing! See what that Tree of Laxatives movie does to people. It gives them a case of the GOOPY PALTROWS! Tree of Life for worst EVERYTHING.
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OMG, I totally forgot i saw Just Go With It. IT SUCKED. sometimes i see the worst movies on girls night.
i love nick swardson, too bad.
i even got mad in that dumb movie. the amounts of money that is spent like nothing is not funny!
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Awww... I truly liked "Arthur" and Russell as Arthur. I thought for sure I'd really dislike it because I didn't like the first. It had HEART. It was sweet. When Arthur learns there's a recession and people are hurting he goes to his bank account, withdraws a bunch of money and then lets it fly. I loved that!!
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Holy shit, how did Sadie Sandler get so old, so fast? She looks exactly like she did as a child!
But seriously, it's like they took the little beasts picture and age progressed it, and viola!
adam s: next stop is tv. i'll bet left nut on it.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Muthafuckin word, MK! TTOL is the biggest piece of cinematic shit ever, I just do not get the loons of this film and Terence Malick in general. Wtf. Pretentious drivel. I couldn't believe the Oscars went for this horseshit and ignored the arthouse likes of Shame and Drive.
I fell asleep five times in the cinema to that! Watching droves of people walking out and wondering when I would go, but no silly me, stayed the whole interminable time.
As for the Razzies, well what's the point in listing movies which people already know are shit. They should be more daring and nominate stuff like Keira Knightley in A Dangerous Method, or at least have a category for overrated pretentious critics films.
I couldn't agree more about Tree of Life. Thank gawwwd I only paid $1.00 to rent it on Redbox. When I finished watching it with my friend, I said "Well, that's 2 hours of my life that I'd like to have back!!" What a piece of shit!!! Tree of Life MY ASS!!! I was screaming WTF??????????? at the screen throughout the movie. WORST movie I have ever laid my eyes on. Rates right up there with THX1138 or whatever the frick that movie was, and add in 2001 A Space Odyssey and you've got a WHAT THE FUCK????? hat trick!!!
I saw maybe 5 or 6 movies last year, and every fucking one of them had the trailer for Jack and Jill. Was that the fucking longest trailer ever made? It sure seemed like it, and it really put me in the shittiest mood ever for those movies. Maybe it was just because it was the dumbest idea for a movie ever made. Just remembering the experience puts me in a really shitty mood. Just seeing Adam Sandler's picture puts me in a shitty mood. How did 20 million people or more go to see that piece of shit movie? I've walked out of a lot of movies before they were over in my day. But those were the first times I thought about walking out during the trailers. I can still see Katie Holmes' Fuck My Life face, and I have never empathized with an actor more than that performance.
Michael, im right with you on TOL. That film was a total fraud and I STILL WANT MY MONEY BACK. Those pointless nature scenes and that stupid animation sequence. Arghhhhh. Was that a paid product placement for NAT GEO ?!
I actually liked just go with... I know I know I'm already wearing my shame face.
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Cure for cramps: weed. Weed for everything, really.- Bjork You
Off topic but what is the color of Kelly Osborne hair? What do you call that? Its like purple and grey mixed together. I know I'm not the only one watching E.
Submitted by lovelylaney on Sun, 02/26/2012 - 8:31pm.
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sun, 02/26/2012 - 8:23pm.
I don't all the slobbering over Rooney Mara. Her Givenchy is just alright.
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I don't get it either. She basically just parrotted Noomi's performance, and her "accent" was pitiful. Everyone should watch the Swedish movies over the US remake crap. I hope that they don't make any of the sequels. PLEASE! And after this movie, does she really think she'll get any roles that will make anyone forget that she was the Girl? Her sister was just as ridiculous in American Horror Story and hope that her character does not come back. Neither of them can act.
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See...I thought the opposite. Noomi Rapace was a hot badass bitch, but Rooney's performance is way closer to Lisbeth's character in the books, IMO. She threw herself into that role, and owned it, but I agree w/ you in that she might be typecast as that character. I wonder if she'll be able to do any other roles, now that everyone knows she's Fincher's creepy hanger-on.
Unfortunately, she's not doing herself any favors by coming across as an arrogant beyotch in interviews, either. No one likes an ingrate.
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Ok, I see coverage on ABC (SNOOZE) and E! (Just as bad). Where is Ryan Seacrest? Where is something funny? These bitches seem to be talking about the same five women over and over!!
Submitted by She Stinks on Sun, 02/26/2012 - 8:17pm.
I had no idea Adam Sandler even made 3 movies this year - does he even have a fan base? Who are they? He's a no talent hack!
I am a Sandlerloonie. I love this no talent hack. ;)
Oh my Goood this shit is so boring. Where's the trash talk about what people are wearing?
Submitted by beakers bitch on Sun, 02/26/2012 - 8:23pm.
I don't all the slobbering over Rooney Mara. Her Givenchy is just alright.
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I don't get it either. She basically just parrotted Noomi's performance, and her "accent" was pitiful. Everyone should watch the Swedish movies over the US remake crap. I hope that they don't make any of the sequels. PLEASE! And after this movie, does she really think she'll get any roles that will make anyone forget that she was the Girl? Her sister was just as ridiculous in American Horror Story and hope that her character does not come back. Neither of them can act.
why is J Lo there? Is Kim K there too? Paris? They all have the same amount of business being there.
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never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie
I don't get the whole borat thing. Smh & lol at him fucking up Ryan's suit. You know that suit cost a couple grand. Couldn't have been me. And I see j.lo left her boyfriend at home but it is a school night so I understand.
Submitted by salacious on Sun, 02/26/2012 - 8:19pm.
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Aw man! Just turned that shit on. He seems pissed about something.
Submitted by salacious on Sun, 02/26/2012 - 8:19pm.
Did you hos see that???? The dictator was awesome!!!! Gaycrest look on his face was priceless! XD
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ohhhh shit. He is STILL mad. I might get around to forgiving the Academy Awards again after a 6-year grudge (when they chose the execrable "Crash" over the fantastic "Brokeback Mountain").
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I don't all the slobbering over Rooney Mara. Her Givenchy is just alright.
Aww, I liked Tree of Life. Honestly, it's better if you watch and just enjoy the cinematography...don't try to read too much into it. It's just the writer's autobiography.
I love Nick Swardson and his Pretend Time on Comedy Central.
Did you hos see that???? The dictator was awesome!!!! Gaycrest look on his face was priceless! XD
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Adam Sandler had some funny stuff years ago, but he should just enjoy his millions and relax now.
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never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie
I had no idea Adam Sandler even made 3 movies this year - does he even have a fan base? Who are they? He's a no talent hack!
Where is the Oscars thread, bitches?? Did you see the Dictator of Wadiya totally stomp all over Ryan Seacrest's ego with his ashes stunt!?!? HA HA HA! That alone was the Oscars, right there. And Giuliana Rancic is ruthlessly making fun of him...LMAO
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Adam Sandler, *barf* 2x
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"Nasty cotton fucker!" MK
@Mike - Nick Swardson should do a movie as Terry (roller boy as I call him), and bring his plane along that his Dad bought him for Flag Day!
I liked Nick in Grandma's Boy. I didn't think Bucky Larson was that bad, but it wasn't that good either. Bucky Larson was better than Jack & Jill that's for sure.
Tree of Life had beautiful cinematography but the story was shit and hard to follow and the ending was horrible and I didn't get Sean Penn falling to his knees and the symbolism (spoiler oops).
Jack & Jill was horrible and I can't believe it made 135M either!
New Year's Eve was equally horrible and just as bad as its prequel Valentine's Day.
Nick Cage - HAHAHAHAHAHHA he acts with his eyebrows. Give his eyebrows the Razzie, please.
I HATE Adam Sandler.
The tv spot for New Years Eve made me want to kill someone every time I saw it (fortunately I was always alone).
Dunno why, buy I feel somewhat bad for Nick Swardson. He needs to do entire movie as his Terry/Reno 911 character ("a blowjob is still a job").
I wanted to know who won as well. So disappointed.
I could never get through the trailer of Jack and Jill without wanting to throw a chancla at that shit. I believe Adam Sandler has enough money to retire and not torture us with his schtick. He's too damn old.
Adam Sandler is not funny, never has been, and never will be.
First thing I did this morning was look up who won the Razzies because they always announced the winners the day before the Oscars. Now they've decided to announce the nominees then and winners in April. Lame.
I didn't like Tree of Life either. That makes two of us! But I did think that New Year's Eve had the market cornered this year...can't imagine that anyone, EVER, went to see that dreck.
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