In case you forgot because your brain purged this information to make way for more important shit like the recipe for the perfect dream wedding cake, let me remind you of the foolery that went down between Sacha Baron Cohen and the Academy this week. To promote The Dictator, SBC planned to drag his poodle’s ass beard onto the red carpet at the Oscars tomorrow. The producers of the Oscars shut down SBC’s plans and said that he could come, but he had to dress as himself and not as his character. SBC fired a shot at the Oscars when he went on the Today Show as The Dictator and blasted their asses for banning his publicity stunt. Well, after all that shit, the producers have given into SBC’s attention whoreist threats and are letting him stroll down the red carpet as The Dictator. The Dictator declared victory on his Twatter last night:
VICTORY IS OURS! Today the Mighty Nation of Wadiya triumphed over the Zionist snakes of Hollywood. Evil and all those who made Satan their protector were vanquished and driven into the Pacific Sea. What I am trying to say here is that the Academy have surrendered and sent over two tickets and a parking pass! TODAY OSCAR, TOMORROW OBAMA!
My mom said the other day that everybody should come to the Oscars dressed as their characters, because she doesn’t recognize them when they’re covered in fancy. That is a genius idea. Michelle Williams should come as Marilyn Monroe, Bryce Dallas Howard should come with a piece of shitty caca pie in her mouth, Glenn Close should come as the Irish Beavis, Jonah Hill should wear a fat suit and Michael Fassbender should just repeatedly come on the red carpet if you know what I mean.
But seriously, this stupid shit makes me miss the good old days when Bjork laid a swan egg on the red carpet. The Oscars should invite Bjork, so she can show all those amateur whores how a true STUNT QUEEN does it.