Justin Theroux Breakdances on Ellen, Doesn’t Split His Jeggings

While promoting his role as Jennifer Aniston’s full-time piece on Ellen, Justin “I Don’t Talk About My Relationship!!!!!” Theroux sort of talked about Maddox’s nemesis when he said she can’t get enough of his sweet, sweet breakdancing moves. Justin’s girlfriend, who we might know since her face is on the cover of InTouch Weekly ever got dayum week, watched him breakdance in Zoolander and now she asks him to do it all the time. Justin said that he can’t get down without his special breakdancing shoes, and that’s when Ellen magically pulled them out of her ass for him to slip on and dance for us. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a manorexic bat breakdance before, but if I did, it would probably look a lot like what I just watched.

Okay, I’m a Brooklyn gay so some of my jeans are so damn tight that I need a shoe horn and a prayer to get into them, but Justin has me beat. Either Justin has a permanent case of blue balls from those jeggings suffocating them or he has the freshest balls ever since they’re always vacuum packed. Those are the kind of jeans that need a zipper on the front and back. I could maybe wear those jeans as a shrug, but using them a chopstick cozy would be a more realistic.

Here’s Justin at Jennifer Aniston’s Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony today wearing pretty much the exact same hipster pallbearer outfit he wore on Ellen. I don’t know if he’s wearing the same jeggings, but I wouldn’t doubt it since that shit is impossible for him to get out of. After the ceremony, Jennifer, her daddy, Adam Sandler, Malin Akerman and a team of world champion tug-o-warers pulled those jeans off of him.