Adam Levine’s Dirty Hotel Towels Will End Up on eBay in 3..2…

February 22, 2012 / Posted by:

Adam Levine and his creature of elegance girlfriend Anne V were both on Howard Stern yesterday morning and in between talking about whether or not Snookitina is chunkalicious, he educated the children on his fool-proof birth control method. Adam obviously gets his birth control method tips from drunk frat boys, high school douchebags and coked-up investment bankers, because he says that the secret to not knocking a ho up is pulling out before the jizz hits the ovary. YES, the tried and true pull-out method. The same method that is the reason why most of us are here now! THIS BITCH:

“This is the longest, most functional relationship I’ve ever been in, I don’t want to screw it up. [I use] a fool-proof birth-control system, [the pull-out method].”

Adam has a tattoo of an eagle spitting out a happy trail on his torso, but I still don’t think bitch is this stupid. Dude was just telling jokes. Adam doesn’t only use the pull-out method. This is Adam’s true dumb-proof birth control method: Milliseconds after Adam drops a dollop of jizz in Anne’s V, he pulls out, gets on his knees and softly whisper into her coochie, “Make way for Adam Levine’s fetus fishes…” Anne’s ovaries shut in half and hide behind her uterus until the coast is clear. They’re not trying to procreate with Adam Levine.

And before your brain spits out images of Adam making a cum pool in Anne’s belly button, he says that he usually jizzes in towels. It’s easy cleanup and if he’s in a hotel, he just leaves it on the floor for the housekeeper to clean up. Nasty cotton fucker! Why do I have a feeling that on an upcoming episode of My Strange Addiction, we’re going to learn all about Ryan Seacrest’s addiction to eating hotel towels.

via The Frisky

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