America’s Hottest PILFs, According To JWoww

February 21, 2012 / Posted by:

98% of JWoww was made in a plastic factory in China somewhere, but she’s still a proud American and what do proud Americans do on Geena Davis Day (she’s the only President I care enough about to honor)? They write a list of all the President’s they’d like to fuck, of course. Truth is, I’m twisting my taint for not coming up with this first.

The First Lady of the Back Alley Plastic Surgeon Office got patriotic on her blog yesterday and listed all the Presidents she’s wet smush on a moist mattress in the shore house. This list should really be the new Pledge of Allegiance:

Ulysses S. Grant
I heard he was an alchoholic. Sounds like he liked to party! He kinda looks like that actor Kevin Kline, right? LOL.

Abraham Lincoln
Who knew the dude on the $5 bill wasn’t always so hairy. I bet the ladies loved him back in the day.

Bill Clinton
He might be old and gray but he was famous for not being able to keep it in his pants and a guy with a healthy sexual appetite is always sexy in my book.

George Washington
Who knew that the guy on the coin you use to get your laundry done was a bit of a looker. He can join me for some GTL anytime he wants!

George W. Bush
We all know this guy liked to party Jersey style and that makes him A-OK in my book.

Ronald Reagan
Movie star turned P.I.L.F!

Barack Obama
Yes we can!

John F. Kennedy
Too much of a ladies man in his day, but he liked a lady with curves and I am down with that.

Isn’t that list so beautiful that it’s got you singing, “Aaaaand the whooooore of the braaaaaave.”

The gin-soaked tattered sponge in JWoww’s head nearly melted yesterday when she spent at least 11 hours trying to figure out how to spell “Wikipedia” and “President” so she could look up all these hos she’d like to spangle her star on, but she didn’t need to go to all that trouble. Bitch’s list would still be 100% correct if she simply wrote:

ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!

JWoww would pussy hump every single President (alive or dead) until red, white and blue liquid started spewing out of their peen holes. That is the American way. I swear, JWoww is so modest.

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