Michelle Duggar's Advice To Wimmin Folk On How To Keep A Happy Marriage
If you've got an F next to "sex" on your drivers license, then you're going to want to read all of this right after you shred that drivers license since you shouldn't be driving, WOMAN! You should be sitting in the backseat crocheting a crown for your king husband while he drives. You also shouldn't be reading this unless you're reading this from your kitchen while making your king husband a meatloaf from scratch. Get in the kitchen, WOMAN!
On the season premiere of Ten Million Kids And We All Stopped Counting, human popcorn machine Michelle Duggar speaks at a conference and shares her tips on how to be a good Christian wife. Michelle handed the wives a worksheet titled "Seven Basic Needs Of A Husband" and it should really be titled "How To Be The Celie To Your Husband's Mistah." Michelle writes that a husband needs to feel like the Head Bitch in Charge and you can make him feel that way by depending on him financially and by always keeping your hair sexy and fresh. So far, no complaints from me! If I was a wife, I'd want to spend my morning asking my husband for money for the beauty salon and I'd want to spend my afternoon AT the beauty salon. Faith Goes Pop linked to the full worksheet, but here's some of the highlights:
1. A husband needs a wife who respects him as a man.How does a wife destroy her husband’s manliness?
A. By expecting him to know what protection you need
1. Physical
2. Spiritual
3. Mental
4. Emotional
Tell your husband how he can protect you.B. By being financially independent
1. Love is killed by self-sufficiency
2. Whoever controls the money controls the leadership.
Center your work and your ministry in your home.C. By giving greater loyalty to outside leadership
1. Pastor and church leaders
2. Men and women Bible teachers
3. Relatives and friends
Ask your husband your spiritual questions.D. By resisting his decisions in your spirit
1. A wife’s spirit controls her husband’s ambitions
2. Reviewing past failure destroys a husband’s self-worth.
Learn to wisely appeal to your husbandE. By resisting his physical affection
1. This is the unspoken crushing of a man’s spirit.
2. A wife’s Godliness is a powerful guard against her husband’s abuse of … [cuts off]
As The Frisky points out, Michelle links all of her advice to the bible in some way. Michelle also advises that you should ask your husband to define your household responsibilities and you should always be GORGEOUS on the outside for him. Seriously, Michelle gets into the hair thing and quotes someone named I, Corinthians (who I'm guessing looks like this). Michelle writes that God gave women hair for covering and your hairstyle should show that you're feminine, submissive and soft.
You can call Michelle Duggar a backwards pilgrim bitch all you want, but she's on to something especially about the hair cape thing. If your hair looks like a majestic fall of golden strands cascading over your forehead, your husband will be so hypnotized by its beauty, as he takes your vagina with his leadership dick, that he won't even notice when your tortured uterus grabs onto his peen head to makes its escape. Then when he pulls out and your uterus runs for the front door, he'll still be too mesmerized by your hair to realize that your 300 kids are trying to catch your womb before it gets away. To quote I, Camila Alves: Hair IS important!
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You must admit there are some useful bits in that checklist, for example:
"DISPEL A BACKBITING TONGUE BY SILENCE"
(PROVERBS 26:20)
I think I am going to say that at the next faculty meeting. Maybe to my boss. I might add the word "bitch" at the end though.
With my man's permission, of course.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:55pm.
God, that shit pissed me off enough to start cleaning my bathroom
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Line of the day! I had a good laugh over that. After I groaned after reading that Duggar babble. It's even clearer to me that this brood mare has a head full of rocks. Any woman who willingly churns out a hissing cockroach-sized litter and is that dependent on pleasing another person must have realized early on that she's an idiot and so there was no other way to survive in life than to be a slave to a man. It must be hard to have self-respect when you're a dummy. I didn't want to hate on her but she really has no business telling anyone how to be a wife. And a Christian wife, no less. Setting herself up as an example of a good Christian is just so presumptuous it turns my stomach.
Okay, that hairstyle has to go....OMFG
"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005
The worst part of it is: she is right!
Marriage is a form of slavery.
If she gave an article just stating her beliefs on marriage and the traditional gender roles they play, they would be fine. But, that is not what she is doing. She is telling other people, mainly women, how to go about living their lives. When you start to force your lifestyle down my throat, that is when I have a problem w/you and your opinion. Did it ever occur to this ass wipe that not everybody follows her religion? Of course not. They never consider that. Bitch, I don't find anything remotely appealing about your life or marriage in general. So take your advice and shove it right up your ass.
*Change is inevitable; progress is optional
*She who conquers herself, conquers all
Submitted by Deb : I'm going to take a stab in the dark and guess that these two are supporting anal froth for president.
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YEP, they are indeed! I saw a photo of them last week sporting his sticker on thier lapels. It looked like they were at a rally for him.
I forgot to mention that I thought MK's writing was hilarious. He made me LOL with a mouthful of oatmeal for chrissakes. :-D
What a stupid bitch.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
My gran was like this because that's what her 2nd husband insisted on. He showed her minimal respect. I remember one night at dinner, he came home late from work, drunk, decided he didn't want what she'd cooked and flung the plate of food against the wall and made a big mess. My mom was an asshole magnet too. Dad left us w/ no child support either. Final conclusion: Men leave easily. I filed LOTS of these mental images away and now am TEAM INDEPENDECE.
MY job, MY money MY car, MY house, MY fucking rules. Don't like it? Fuck off because I don't need YOU.
UUUUHHHH is she under the impression someone wants anything she has?!?!?!?!?
And I thought the delusiona antics of this bitch could not be topped. Oh well!
Touch the sides, are you fukken kidding ? More like throwing a pencil into the grand canyon..
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
It's so cold in the D....
Here is the rest of that quote from the checkist about how a woman must not resist his affection:
"A wife's godliness is a powerful guard against her husband's abuse of her (I Peter 3:1)"
Oh! It's HER fault if he abuses her! Ohhhkaaaaay. She's not being godly enough.
I mean, who *wouldn't* want to sign up for this shit?
Whoever controls the Aqua Net controls the purse strings.
So sayeth the Lord!
_______________________________________________
Do. Not. Want.
I don't even know what the fuck she's trying to say. Maybe if she hadn't spent the last 20 years getting knocked up and inhaling loads of Aqua Net hairspray, she'd be able to put together a coherent thought.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
I bet that womb looks like Luray caverns, all full of stalactites and stalagmites and guano...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
It's so cold in the D....
Submitted by ethang on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 1:06pm.
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I can knit, but that turns men rather off.
Anyways... on topic: all her advise may work when the woman is dumb as a fuck - sorry, I'm not - it would never work for me.
Alright single ladies, you heard it here first. Drop your jobs, sharpen up your knitting skills and get that damn man, already!
Submitted by clairey claire on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:59pm.
Well she is entitled to her opinion on men and marriage but that ugly 80's schoolgirl looking cunt has got no business giving out hair advice, NO FUCKING BUSINESS!!!! *shakes with fury*
LMFAOOO!!!
When I saw this picture I kept thinking that she reminded me of someone famous with the same hair and finally it struck me. She looks like Daniel Day-Lewis's kooky wife, Rebecca Miller:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/36/Rebecca_Miller_at_TIF...
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Trailer Trash.
Okay. This makes sense now. Their marriage is just an extreme S&M thing. They're no different from the people who write to Dan Savage about keeping their sex slave in a cage in the closet or wanting to be kicked in the groin with high heels before sex.
Whatever gets your rocks off, Michelle, you kinky bitch.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
Well she is entitled to her opinion on men and marriage but that ugly 80's schoolgirl looking cunt has got no business giving out hair advice, NO FUCKING BUSINESS!!!! *shakes with fury*
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
she's been pregnant so many times, that he HAS to have cheated on her, at least with one of his own!
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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
I agree with hekki. I think she has far more power in that relationship than she lets on.
Patiently waiting for Jim Bob to divorce her lame ass and leave her to raise 36 children alone.
Backwards-ass fucker. Way to cast womanhood back 100 years. Been there. Done that. Fuck that.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:55pm.
Jesus take the hairspray....
__________________________
Hahahaha! And the rolling pin she does her bangs with.
Dear Michelle, i have always been a defender of your ways, but this time i have to say: STFU. You and your family do not life in "our" world. You know that that is true. You created your own little world, sorta like a mini-amish community. Maybe during your stay in this community you forgot that men cheat, lie, abuse their women, drink or use drugs. All of which can fucking interfere with your ability to make a happy Home like the one you are trying to present to us. The dumbest thing you could say is that self-sufficiency destroys a marriage. Bitch, the divorce rate is what? 60%?? We would need a whole lotta more bridges to sleep under if women were dumb enough to follow your advice.
God, that shit pissed me off enough to start cleaning my bathroom.
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Jesus take the hairspray....
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
I was eating and I just lost my appetite thinking about Michelle pegging her DumbBob husband. Yuck. These two should be neutered.
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Trailer Trash.
This story reminds me of this 1950s article about how to be a good wife:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CO9TEwb0Icw/SwbGuR7_MLI/AAAAAAAAAWs/3zVavL5eVz...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"NEWS FLASH! Nobody takes the sanctity of marriage seriously anymore. That's why the sanctity of marriage gave up, moved to Reno and now works the 1am-6am shift at strip club under the name Sanctitty Mirage." -MK
"Love is killed by self-sufficiency"
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What? Since you and your hubbs have so much money why don't you throw a time machine together and go back to the 1950's where you and your opinions belong. Ugh, this bitch.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
Dumb bitch.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:36pm.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:31pm.
Not even if JimBob wants to do something really kinky, like do sex with the lights on.
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Well, she's obviously not a big butt sex fan... speaking of, I bet she pegs the shit out of the backwards ass motherfucker...
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YESSSS!! Jeebus wants you to get out that strap-on, Michelle, and fuck your man up the culo without lube!!
Ackshally, I'd pay a dollar to see that - if that was on their show I'd watch that episode.
*packs suitcase for upcoming trip straight to hell*
Submitted by TelevisedRevolution on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:32pm.
These people should be marketed as the perfect medication to make you throw up when needed.
For those who haven't read "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood, I recommend it.
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I agree. The Handmaid's Tale is such a frightening book. It's supposed to be dystopic but frankly our society is not too far away from such a situation.
I feel bad for the girl children in this family. They had no chance. So unfair!
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Trailer Trash.
Submitted by ElleDriver on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:30pm.
Did someone say "idiocracy"?
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Thanks for sharing that clip. I love that movie! Mike Judge rules!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
The best advice my dad ever gave me was go to school to do something where you can support yourself and any kids you might have. His mother raised four sons without the help of her ex husband by working as a nurse. I've been an RN since I was 20 and a nurse practitioner for the last five years, and support myself and my daughter, thanks to my dads advice.
Of course, My dad left my mom after he handed out that advice...she was more like old clowncar vagina here with the husband is the boss etc. Now she is fifty five and in nursing school.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:31pm.
Not even if JimBob wants to do something really kinky, like do sex with the lights on.
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Well, she's obviously not a big butt sex fan... speaking of, I bet she pegs the shit out of the backwards ass motherfucker...
_____________________________________________
"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
I hope you ladies are taking note... Migraineuse, I know you've already downloaded and memorized the worksheet.
OPPRESSION CHECKLIST
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
These people should be marketed as the perfect medication to make you throw up when needed.
For those who haven't read "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood, I recommend it.
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We worked hard for our money! So hard for it, honey!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:11pm.
SLUT
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You are RIGHT! She never ever says 'no'!!
Not even if JimBob wants to do something really kinky, like do sex with the lights on.
Did someone say "idiocracy"?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXRjmyJFzrU
It perfectly describes the Duggars and their ilk.
Sweetas, I'll drink to that, hon!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:24pm.
I wouldn't be surprised at all if he was abusing her too (I mean besides the stuff we already know about!)
^^^^^^^^^^
He may not abuse her physically but you KNOW he abuses her emotionally. No way he doesn't.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Thanks, Hekki. We've all got our issues! But no, none of us will ever let ourselves be in that position!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
PHM, I don't watch the show, but I had to see the clip...lmao
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I remember the way that we touch, I wish I didn’t like it so much
I get so emotional baby, every time I think of you
Sweetas, the Quiverfulls are crazier than shithouse rats.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I'd like to see what this bitch would do if her husband died or left her for another woman. Dumbass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"NEWS FLASH! Nobody takes the sanctity of marriage seriously anymore. That's why the sanctity of marriage gave up, moved to Reno and now works the 1am-6am shift at strip club under the name Sanctitty Mirage." -MK
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 02/20/2012 - 12:22pm.
I watched that last night and they seem to have broke the weight limit.
((Deb)) My mom too. Team make sure you can make it on your own!!
Well this is hardly surprising. We knew she was uneducated, brainwashed, has no critical thinking skills, and is probably simple-minded too.
I wouldn't be surprised at all if he was abusing her too (I mean besides the stuff we already know about!)
Does her book have dick-sucking tips I wonder?
or is that RONG because it wastes sperms that could be made into behbehs??
*plays Monty Python's "Every Sperm is Sacred"*
That looks like a roadkill toupee
Celebrity Net Worth says they're worth $3.5m. *smh*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.