Puts A New Meaning To “Rolling In The Deep” (UPDATE)

So this is the real reason why Adele had that throat surgery. Adele was moaning and throating in the deeeeeep. France’s well-respected and highly esteemed literary journal of le truth, Public Magazine, published an EXLUSIF! story about a tape featuring two hundred-time Grammy winner Adele setting fire to her loins on the peen of an ex-boyfriend. 411mania says that the ex-boyfriend (maybe the one who looks Jesse Camp trying to reinvent himself as a Jimi Hendrix impersonator) wants to fuck with Adele for some reason and so he’s doing so by releasing a video of him fucking on her. The scorned ex sold the tape to a French paparazzo type named Jean Claude Elfassi who will release the tape any day now. I’ll be really disappointed if Jean Claude doesn’t use one of these as the title for this shit:

Rolling On The Peen
Cooter Has It
Set Fire To The Taint
Hometown Whory
Someone Like You Needs To Get On This Poon
Take It All

I know, none of those worthy enough for an Adele fuck tape and I’m sure your ass can do better.

Anyway, America’s own well-respected and highly esteemed internet journal of truth, Media Takeout, has a couple of stills of Adele allegedly getting adicked in front of a video camera and those tragic sperm fish eyebrows tell me that it’s not her. Not only that, but would Adele really let a trick film her getting down in the backseat of a car? I know Adele is a refined lady, but I don’t think she’s that much of a refined lady. But if this is her, then I’m sure that around this time next year, we’ll watch as she accepts five hundred more Grammys for Best Fuck Moan and Best Coochie Queef in a sex tape.

UPDATE: Thanks to Amanda for directing my eyes to a beyond NSFW (and the link will take you to pop-up city so beware) old porn where Public Magazine obviously got their stills from. The chick in the tape is American and when she moans, it doesn’t sound like a mezzo soprano songbird humming into a rainbow. It’s not Adele.