Puts A New Meaning To "Rolling In The Deep" (UPDATE)

So this is the real reason why Adele had that throat surgery. Adele was moaning and throating in the deeeeeep. France's well-respected and highly esteemed literary journal of le truth, Public Magazine, published an EXLUSIF! story about a tape featuring two hundred-time Grammy winner Adele setting fire to her loins on the peen of an ex-boyfriend. 411mania says that the ex-boyfriend (maybe the one who looks Jesse Camp trying to reinvent himself as a Jimi Hendrix impersonator) wants to fuck with Adele for some reason and so he's doing so by releasing a video of him fucking on her. The scorned ex sold the tape to a French paparazzo type named Jean Claude Elfassi who will release the tape any day now. I'll be really disappointed if Jean Claude doesn't use one of these as the title for this shit:

Rolling On The Peen
Cooter Has It
Set Fire To The Taint
Hometown Whory
Someone Like You Needs To Get On This Poon
Take It All

I know, none of those worthy enough for an Adele fuck tape and I'm sure your ass can do better.

Anyway, America's own well-respected and highly esteemed internet journal of truth, Media Takeout, has a couple of stills of Adele allegedly getting adicked in front of a video camera and those tragic sperm fish eyebrows tell me that it's not her. Not only that, but would Adele really let a trick film her getting down in the backseat of a car? I know Adele is a refined lady, but I don't think she's that much of a refined lady. But if this is her, then I'm sure that around this time next year, we'll watch as she accepts five hundred more Grammys for Best Fuck Moan and Best Coochie Queef in a sex tape.

UPDATE: Thanks to Amanda for directing my eyes to a beyond NSFW (and the link will take you to pop-up city so beware) old porn where Public Magazine obviously got their stills from. The chick in the tape is American and when she moans, it doesn't sound like a mezzo soprano songbird humming into a rainbow. It's not Adele.

Posted by: Michael K

•

Submitted by CoconutCoochie on Sat, 02/18/2012 - 4:50pm.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Sat, 02/18/2012 - 6:52am.
If they're photoshopped, everyone complains about how fake they look.
If they're not, everyone complains about their wrinkles, stretchmarks, cellulite, etc.
Holy internalized misogyny.

- - - - - - - -
WORD.
and more often than not coming from women.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Sat, 02/18/2012 - 5:22am.

If they're photoshopped, everyone complains about how fake they look.
If they're not, everyone complains about their wrinkles, stretchmarks, cellulite, etc.

Holy internalized misogyny.

*______________________________________*

"Sex can never be a politically neutral interaction as long as the interests of one party are by universal decree prioritized over the interests of the other." -- http://bit.ly/y8oRWL

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Sat, 02/18/2012 - 2:00am.

Facking Ames' Dick (Chasing Pavements).

*************
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!

Submitted by SMASHLEY on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 9:17pm.

Ewwwwwwwwwww at that link. Nightmares + that girl should probably see a psychiatrist.. maybe that was her psychiatrist, I guess I don't know her life.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 8:34pm.

hahahahahaha I love this post. Brilliant.

_______________________________________________

Never question Bruce Dickinson!

Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 7:36pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 6:59pm.

Thanks M.E.! Linkin Park, nice rendition! :D

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK

WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin

Submitted by Bondagebarbie on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 7:34pm.

ScarJo is fighting the hot.

xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 5:29pm.

Since I clearly had too much time to fuck off on youtube today, for those of you who know the bank Likin Park, know their lead singer Chester. Here is Chester doing a cover of Adele's "Rolling in the Deep"

http://youtu.be/irAE5LIM-gY

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:53pm.

Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 6:22pm

DULY NOTED!
_____________________________________________
"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012

Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:52pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 6:19pm.

The worst farts are veggie farts. And American vegetarian girls think they're sooo cute and just giggle when it happens, while I can barely breathe in my own gd car! My hippie-dressing friend does that all the time. So even with a skinny girl, you don't want a trail of celery! Cheeseburgers win, hands down.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:49pm.

Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 6:16pm.

LMAO!!! I like cheeseburgers and sex so I figure what the hell... and no cheesy farts!!!
_____________________________________________
"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012

Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:46pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 6:06pm.
Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 6:03pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:26pm.
Thanks for the update MK... I still would like Adele to comment on this matter....

*throws cheeseburger in to thread*

---*fondly remembers jack putting Adele on his "would" list.*
--------------------

Oh my my my don't get shit twisted... I would.

*makes trail of cheeseburgers and fries leading to my BOO-DWAR*

---LOL *wonders if jack has a Texan twin brother who doesn't care about cheesy farts in bed*

EDITED for no good enlish

Submitted by Courtney Love on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:37pm.

"someone like you needs to get on this poon" is the best thing I've read all year.

________________
"I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead." - Laura Kightlinger

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:36pm.

Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 6:03pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:26pm.
Thanks for the update MK... I still would like Adele to comment on this matter....

*throws cheeseburger in to thread*

---*fondly remembers jack putting Adele on his "would" list.*
--------------------

Oh my my my don't get shit twisted... I would.

*makes trail of cheeseburgers and fries leading to my BOO-DWAR*

_____________________________________________
"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012

Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:33pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:26pm.
Thanks for the update MK... I still would like Adele to comment on this matter....

*throws cheeseburger in to thread*

---*fondly remembers jack putting Adele on his "would" list.*

Submitted by sonah22 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 4:21pm.

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:41pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:20pm.
Errrrrrrr...ScarJo, what happened to the tight, toned bod you showed off as the Black Widow? Damn. I think my 55 year old mother has less cellulite.
----------------------------------------
LOL, those legs have to be photoshopped don't they!!!??

Hey maybe this is what Ryan finally saw with the lights on and said hell no I'm allergic to cottage cheese this will not do!

I still kinda have the hots for her though. She takes some good and some bad pics (more bad ones recently mind you)

---Yes, exactly. He dumped her for cellulite! Happens all time. Get your head out of your ass. Girl has a tiny waist and cute boobs with great skin. I do hope you post that shirtless picture one day (a la Ms. Fury on the other thread). Would LOVE it, because I would have a ball.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 2:56pm.

Thanks for the update MK... I still would like Adele to comment on this matter....

*throws cheeseburger in to thread*
_____________________________________________
"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012

Submitted by Chris Knight on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 2:54pm.

If that is ADELE (in the allegedly sex vid), then Im MADONNA.

Submitted by kayray on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 2:52pm.

Forget Adele. Is that a bunch of cellulite on Scarjo's thighs?

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 2:32pm.

Unless she has had a rhinoplasty since this tape was made this is not her.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden

Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:51pm.

If that was Adele, that would be pretty dick of him to wait until after her Grammy triumph.

---------------------------------------
What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?

http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/

Submitted by mike on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 1:28pm.

So it's another fat chick?

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:36pm.

You know, pop stars are doubled all the time in porn. You should see how many could be young, sexy Britney. It's kinda disturbing achally.

♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden

Submitted by TBH on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:35pm.

Good to know its not Adele.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:31pm.

Thanks for the update! Can't click just now but that is a RELIEF! Scandal averted A! I'm still looking forward to the release of Set Fire To The Taint, and Take It All sounds intriguing! :p

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK

WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:32pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 1:18pm.

What about Someone other than you? (keeping with the song titles)

============================================

How about Stretching Out The Pleats

DWM, I just noticed you had Rolling In The Sheets and here I thought I was being all smart and shit:P

Submitted by Rdeadline on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:19pm.

Submitted by Outta Nowhere on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 1:16pm.

Submitted by Rdeadline on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:44pm.
I want to see a three way with a bi male and a chick and a guy. Or a three way with a guy and two chicks. Or a chicken. Or everyone with their clothes still on. Something interesting.
I do not want to see Chris Brown's butt hole!
___________________________________________

Damn, Rdeadline. Not even with A GRAMMY emerging from it?

Your standards are impossibly high.
===================================================

I'd rather see pretty much anyone else doing sex acts with a grammy. If not wanting to see a Grammy coming out of Chris Brown's butt hole gives me high standards, then alright.

Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:09pm.

Thanks for the update, MK.
Yay, we all said it wasn't Adele!

Now the question is which one of you Dlisters is the mysterious porn cognoscenti Amanda? heehee

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:07pm.

Submitted by Sweetas on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:14pm.
Whoa! ScarJo needs to call her insurance agent about that hail damage.

*****************

Ahahaha! So true, so true!

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:48am.

DWM - Rolling in the sheet. I plan on doing plenty of that this weekend.

What about Someone other than you? (keeping with the song titles)

Submitted by boston61 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:48am.

She looks 20 years older than she is. Weird. This will not end pretty.

Submitted by Outta Nowhere on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:46am.

Submitted by Rdeadline on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:44pm.
I want to see a three way with a bi male and a chick and a guy. Or a three way with a guy and two chicks. Or a chicken. Or everyone with their clothes still on. Something interesting.
I do not want to see Chris Brown's butt hole!
___________________________________________

Damn, Rdeadline. Not even with A GRAMMY emerging from it?

Your standards are impossibly high.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:45am.

Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:43pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:39pm.

Just don't spray any disinfectant. ;)
************************************************

Oh JAYSUS! I didn't even think about that. I wonder if the smell of the antibacterial wipes will still be present on Tuesday when the OB comes back?

Submitted by boston61 on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:42am.

Why are Americans outsourcing their awards anyway? They could not find an American citizen who deserved an award?

Submitted by Nanners on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:38am.

Adele looks beautiful on the cover of that rag. "Yeah I got my freak on. AND WHAT?"

If that was a US tabloid they'd put the worst picture possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What kind of fuckery is this?

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:15am.

Rolling In The Sheets

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:15am.

ME, I'd love to send a jar of pee anonymousely to that old bitch. It would be my gift to you to hear her screech!

Submitted by Rdeadline on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:14am.

I want to see a three way with a bi male and a chick and a guy. Or a three way with a guy and two chicks. Or a chicken. Or everyone with their clothes still on. Something interesting.
I do not want to see Chris Brown's butt hole!

Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:13am.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:39pm.

Just don't spray any disinfectant. ;)

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:12am.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:39pm.
Jesus FUCK! What is so hard to understand that if you are SICK stay the FUCK out of the office.

Comes in here hacking up a lung.

*wipes down all door knobs, copier and cabinets*
------------------------------
This is not OP.. please talk about Rolling in the Sheets.

______________________________________________
McGill Class of '97

*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:11am.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:20pm.
Errrrrrrr...ScarJo, what happened to the tight, toned bod you showed off as the Black Widow? Damn. I think my 55 year old mother has less cellulite.
----------------------------------------
LOL, those legs have to be photoshopped don't they!!!??

Hey maybe this is what Ryan finally saw with the lights on and said hell no I'm allergic to cottage cheese this will not do!

I still kinda have the hots for her though. She takes some good and some bad pics (more bad ones recently mind you)

Submitted by Outta Nowhere on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:17am.

Submitted by Rdeadline on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:34pm.
That is not the sex tape I want to see.

____________________________________________

Ah, well, maybe you would if we "sweetened the pot," eh? Say a little Adele-on-ONE-TIME-GRAMMY-WINNER-CHRIS-BROWN action? He HAS A GRAMMY, you see. They both HAVE A GRAMMY (she has several) and so, naturally, you might be interested to see them use those Grammys to gain carnal knowledge of each other. Because GRAMMYS and documentation of celebrity sex rule the world.

So, you in? No? lol... I tried.

Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:09am.

Jesus FUCK! What is so hard to understand that if you are SICK stay the FUCK out of the office.

Comes in here hacking up a lung.

*wipes down all door knobs, copier and cabinets*

Submitted by tornadolie on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:09am.

doesn't look like her AT ALL

Submitted by Rdeadline on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 11:04am.

That is not the sex tape I want to see.

Submitted by Sweetas on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 10:59am.

*curtsies and winks at ba-buttons* I do try lol.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 10:58am.

Why do people film their sexytimes? Don't you know if you are even remotely famous that mess gets leaked!

Submitted by FreakGeek on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 10:56am.

Submitted by Sweetas on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 12:14pm.
Whoa! ScarJo needs to call her insurance agent about that hail damage.
+++++++++++++++++++++++

I'd rather see a little cellulite than fake titty bags, fish lips, an over-botoxed frozen forehead, etc. ScarJo has one of the more natural celeb bodies in Hollywood, and I think she still looks good.

Submitted by skinny fat on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 10:55am.

I love Adele so FUCK OFF