Chris Brown Knows How To Charm A Ho

February 16, 2012 / Posted by:

Chris Brown, the crusty wart clinging to the ass lips of earth, is already a noted Twitter poet and so it’s no surprise that he’s a gifted wordsmith all the time. Contrary to popular belief, Chris Brown doesn’t gets his hos by hitting them over the head with a club before dragging them to his cave up in the hills to rabidly hump on them. No, Chris Brown is a master of romance and knows exactly what to say to a lady to make her swoon from all her parts. Oh, did I say swoon? I meant that Chris Brown knows exactly what to say to a lady to make her spew out a river of barf that will carry her to the nearest nunnery where she’ll open her life to the lord and close her chocha to ALL MEN.

I used to think that nothing could make me consider a life of celibacy (and this is coming from a whore who could easily find a way to fap to the Chyna sex tape) until I went to GrossUSOutWeekly and read the pick-up line that Fist Brown allegedly used on a girl.

Chris Brown — who pleaded guilty in 2009 for felony assault for hitting then-girlfriend Rihanna — confidently approached an attractive brunette Feb. 10 at the Lasio Professional Hair Care suite Grammy gift lounge and asked her, “Can I get your number? I promise I won’t beat you!” the woman tells Us Weekly.

“He and his friends laughed, then one yelled, ‘That’s his new line!’ Ugh! I wanted to throw up!”

In 100 years, the 2112 edition of Encyclopedia Britannica (Britannica is going to make a huge comeback, trust me) will cite Chris Brown’s pick-up line as the catalyst for the infamous Running of the Clits. Seriously, I didn’t even know I had a clit until it ran up my asshole after reading that shit.

And of course, Chris Brown’s spokeswhore is denying that mess came out of his mouth: “I’d be surprised if Chris said something that stupid.”

Yes, because Chris Brown never shits up piles of stupid:

You win, Chris Brown’s spokeswhore.

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