Chris Brown Didn’t Want You To Know That He Was At RiRi’s Birthday Party

February 16, 2012 / Posted by:

I’ve already posted one picture of Chris Brown’s mouth-breathing face today and we’re all going to sleep in a shell made of roach motels after watching Pimp Mama Kris give birth to the Kardashians, so I figured that we’ve all been put through enough horrifying disgustingness for today and deserve a bouquet of kittens! Because even though the story below is some head shaking shit, it won’t be that annoying when you’ve got a bouquet of young pussies to distract you for a second. Just don’t tell me that the kitten in the middle is suffocating.

Outraged parents of America, organize your RiRi CD burning parties, because she’s definitely riding on Chris Brown’s skinny yard stick dick again. TMZ says that Chris went to RiRi’s birthday party at the Hearst Mansion on Monday night and behaved like the ass bag that he is by making everybody sign a confidentiality agreement before he went inside. That party was obviously full of dumb bitches, because most of them signed an agreement stating that they will not tell the media that Chris was at RiRi’s party. Once Chris’ bodyguards collected all the signed agreements, the spoiled piece of shit went inside and spent most of the night getting on RiRi. Chris’ rep says that he was at the party, but he only made the workers and people who took his picture sign the agreements.

There’s also a rumor that Chris will sing on RiRi’s Birthday Cake (Remix). I think an Ike & Tina cover would be more appropriate, but that’s just me.

Chris Brown and RiRi hugging each other at her party after he made her guests sign some stupid shit is the reason why we can roll our eyes. Sometimes you just have to respond to a story with a lukewarm: whatthefuckever. Let’s look at cake instead!

Yes, that is RiRi’s actual cake. At first I thought it was Mousie from Mi Vida Loca riding a severed uncut dick or a piece of white dog shit. Then I figured out that it was RiRi riding a giant joint spliff. RiR’s cake, please meet Cakewrecks. Leave it to RiRi to make a delicious joint spliff look like a visual dry heave. The pimple on my nipple looks more like RiRi that that shit on her cake does.

My 6-year-old self could’ve made a better cake in my sister’s half-broken Easy Bake Oven and I was dumber then than I am now (or is it, I was smarter then than I am now?). RiRi’s party sounds about as pleasant as sucking on a urinal cake. You’ve got RiRi and Chris making out in the corner and an ugly cake. Every single ho at the party could probably tell exactly how many tiles were on the ceiling, because that’s what they stared at all night since it was the only safe place for their eyes to go.

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