They Don’t Call It The Heart Attack Grill For Nothing

February 15, 2012 / Posted by:

WARNING: If you’re an American, this story will make you TOO proud to be an American.

Las Vegas’ The Heart Attack Grill is a giant slice of KFed’s idea of heaven and it’s a charbroiled magical emporium of greasy gross where mega fat bitches who weigh over 350lbs eat for free and where one burger can be stuffed with almost 8,000 calories. The waitresses dress like slutty nurses and they’ll roll you out to your car in a wheelchair after you’ve eaten more calories than an entire village in Somalia eats in a year. There’s even a sign warning you that it’s hazardous to your health. It’s the perfect place to go when you’ve released all the fucks in your system to make way for 10 pounds of bacon wrapped around a block of fried cheese stuffed into an entire ground up cow. So that’s Heart Attack Grill and the other day, a 40-something dude put the heart attack in Heart Attack Grill when he had one while eating there.

The unnamed man walked into the Heart Attack Grill by himself and made the artery veins around his heart cringe when he picked up a menu. Then he made those artery veins pull themselves from his heart when he ordered a Triple Bypass Burger. The man ate half of the burger when he started getting the sweats and couldn’t form words. His waitress/fake nurse told the owner/fake doctor (seen above) who called 911. The EMTs arrived, threw him onto a gurney and wheeled him out of the restaurant through a crowd of tourists who thought it was a stunt and took a bunch of pictures.

The owner confirms that the man had a heart attack and says that he’s recovering at the hospital. The owner also tried to keep from creaming into his scrubs over the free publicity when he told Fox5Vegas that he feels sorry for the man: “I actually felt horrible for the gentleman because the tourists were taking photos of him as if it were some type of stunt. Even with our own morbid sense of humor, we would never pull a stunt like that.”

See, doesn’t it feel like the American flag is warmly hugging your heart? Or maybe you’re having a coronary from just thinking about shoving over 4,000 delicious calories into your eat hole at one time.

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